What do you do when your husband of 7 years comes to you & tells you he wonts a divorce because he's not happy

Question

I wont 2 make our marriage work,Ive been unhappy before but i didnt divorce him over it.id just like some advice.

ive been unhappy w/him before but i didnt divorce him,& we have 3 small children.

Answer 1

Firstly I'mvery sorry to hear this is happening in your relationship and I hope you can resolve it before it's too late.

My Dad hascontemplated divorce from my mum before because he is unhappy for the following reasons.

- he doesn't feel like he is important to her anymore. Ask yourself are you more of a mother than a wife? Do your hobbies come before him? Do you make him feel appreciated?

- he doesn't feel loved. What kind of love does your husband want? verbal? physical? etc. Ask yourself seriously how often do you hug, kiss, make love etc? are you satisfying his emotional needs? do you tell him 'I love you?'

- he doesn't feel appreciated. I'm not sure of your life obviously but perhaps he is the provider in your family and he doesn't feel appreciated. How often do you thank him? make him feel special?

- How often do you talk? Being a Mom can be hectic and sometimes your kids make you more of a mother than a wife. Is your marriage purely about your kids or is it still about each other? Show him you can be a mother and still value him as a husband not just a father.

In a marriage it can feel like the romance is gone so it is important to show in special/unexpected ways how much you love him. If you are serious about saving your marriage you will have to seriously communicate with him and ask why is he unhappy. To save your marriage you will have to change things in your life to make it work. Are you prepared to do this? If he tells you you spend too much time at work are you prepared to cut back your hours? etc.

Find out the problems and fix them. If he's asking for a divorce then he has been feeling unhappy for a long time so act fast! Good Luck

Answer 2

well you should find out what he really is saying cause unhappy can cover many things . and you might want to remind him of the fact that you have been unhappy before too and did not divorce him . also you might remind him that he might have to end up paying quite a bit in child support . that makes many a man reconsider divorce. but first off get marriage counseling and if he wont go then you go . although it very rarely works the marriage counseling i mean . Has he ever cheated on you before and if so could a another woman be the reason he wants out ? make him be honest with you . if you try everything and he still wants a divorce then you proceed with the divorce and get the most cut throat lawyer you can find and get every thing ,house ,car ,money leave him with nothing . believe me you will be glad you left him with nothing . good luck honey.

Answer 3

Has he told you why he is unhappy? You might want to start there and than figure it all out it is hard on a marriage when one person is unhappy and the other does not know why, I hate to say this but have you found your self wondering if maybe he is unhappy because he has found someone else. Alot of cold truth may come in to play here. My advice is get to the root of the problem and go from there. if he will not give you an answer it is up to you to find it your self,

Answer 4

I am going through the same thing. He wont tell me why he is unhappy only that he thought he would have be some were else in his life. I believe in marriage not divorce and told him I wont sign divorce papers he will have to get it with out my permission. He will need two wait 2 yr to get the divorce. I am hoping in the mean time he will reconsider counseling which at this point he has refused.
In the mean time I am moving on with my life. I will not break my voes but their is still lots of life to live with or with out him. Seek counseling for both of you and if he wont go get some for yourself. Ive been married for 9 yr and still get butterflies in me stomach when we last kissed. I love him completely but I know we may never work it out and I may never get a satisfactory answerer,
so good luck and god bless. I hope and pray that you will be happy which ever way your life will goo

Answer 5

That's awful!Ask yourself this: Are there things going on that I'm doing that can make my husbands life a living hell? If youre not nagging him and acting like a person thats unbearable to be around, I don't see why he isn't happy. Sit in the bed and talk to him, ask him what is bothering him about you, maybe he could list them and tell him to be blatantly honest. Your feelings may be hurt or you may be embarrassed, but you trust your husbandto tell you the truth. Now, if there is another woman, he may not tell you about that. 7 years isn't a long time either, so hopefully you made the right choice in choosing a a life partner because he's ready to bail and your lives together have just started. Don't get a divorce unless he is the hitman- getting type.

Answer 6

Hi there !!!! Sounds like you have a sticky, delicate situation here. Ok, don;t despair, i know it is not easy to keep calm but the truth is worrying yourself to death, thinking and thinking, analyzing every detail is not going to do you any good.
I would take the kids to moms, or a babysitter and have a heartfelt conversation with him. Remeber that everyone deals with issues differently. Just because you were unhappy and did not split up, does not mean he will not do the same.
All relationships have their ups and downs, maybe you need to go to a counsler, but in the end and the bottom line is that if both of you are not committed to make this work, do not hold your breathe, because it is not easy trying to keep someone who wants to leave around.
Why have you been unhappy ? Sit down and do analyze how you guys deal with each other.
I know how hard it is when you have small children, sometimes we are so involved with our children, we forget to be a wife. I am not telling this to make you feel bad, or to put the blame on you, I am just talking out of personal experience.
We should be a great mommy, but we also as well have to be good to ourselves and to our hubby.
Sometimes it could be simple things like you have gotten yourself into a routine rut. Maybe you treat each other more like room mates than a couple.
Tell him how you feel, without judging or screaming. listen to his answers, and please do listen. Allow him to express himself, do not interrupt, and respect his feelings.
I would prepare his favorite meal, light some candles, have something very pretty on, somethng he would like, have the kids with mom or a babysitter, and speak to him. Sit down and have a nice dinner, and converse. Let him know what is in your heart.
Let him know how you want him to be a part of your babies life, with you. Let him know you are willing to make this work, many times we have to modify (both parties) some things to make it work. Try to do new things together, maybe even have a date once a month.
Try to spark your relationship. If I knew back then, what I do now, my life would be so different.
I would not give up so easy honey, yet I also will remind you that you can not force anyone to be with you,
so talk to him, and listen to his words.
I pray that you can find a positive resolution to this dilema,
one last thing, remember thoughts are things,
what we believe to be true for us, that it is many times,
so be positive, and open your ears and your heart.
Best of luck to you
love light and peace

Answer 7

First of all you need to tell him that you still love him and you really want to make it work. Read the book Divorce Busting by Michelle Wiener-Davis it is very helpful. Get in to counseling. Find out the specifics, what is he unhappy about, what are you unhappy about? Most marriages are worth saving, but it takes work, you can only do your part and he has to be willing to make it work too. pray for guidance. good luck.

Answer 8

Tell him tuff sh*t that's life. Happiness comes from within. He has to consider that he has children too. He can't just check out because he has become overwhelmed with life. What's going on with him that he isn't "happy"? What he wants is a life free from entanglements and responsibility. He should have thought about that before he made children and took vows. He made his bed and he has to lay in it now. Don't allow him to take the easy way out. You are right. Sometimes you won't be happy. We don't live in a movie. Get him to define "happy". What is it that he wants that he doesn't have and thinks he will get by abandononing his relationship with you and the children? He needs to grow up! Darlin' don't let him go easily. Put up a fight. If in the end he leaves anyway then you make sure that you take him for every dime you can because you will need it to take care of your children.

Answer 9

If your husband isn't happy and wants a divorce you really don't have a choice. You don't want to be a prison sentence or a ball and chain. If you were unhappy enough to ask for a divorce, wouldn't you expect him to let you go? It will be tough but life is that way.

Answer 10

Ask him to go to counseling and to give it 6 months for both of you to try really hard to make it work. Then in 6 months have another sit down and talk about how its truly going. If one or both of you still want to end it...then end it. This way you can honestly say you have tried everything to make it work. Good luck and Hugs honey...I know how much it hurts!!!