my dughter who is 18 and is 7.5 months pregnant and has a boyfriend who was to go for treatment at the rehab in edmonton and never has....he still lies to her,doesnt tell her when he is in town and is still hanging out with the same guys that got him into trouble in the first place(drugs,lieing,cheating)My daughter has lived with me for the past three months. im the one who takes her to the doctors or the emergency and buys her clothes and the food she needs.i just wish she would see the light....see how much she is hurting me and her sibilings aswell. she believes this is normal and that he is trying.the thing that worries me the most is that she plans to move to edmonton with him after she has the baby.i just know it aint going to work and she will be right back her in the long run.
2007-01-07 03:35:05 · 26 answers · asked by hazel2nuts 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
She needs out of that relationship...Especially after this baby is born being around a guy like that is a mistake. He is hurting everyone around her..Its prob going to take a while to see that with the fact that he is her childs father. Just reassure her that u will be there to take care of the baby and her and will help her get on her feet. Whatever u do dont let her move with this guy,this is an abusive relationship and she and her child can get hurt by all of this. Taje her into some couseling just the two of you,have a long long talk with her etc. You sound like a good mother and i believe u and her can get through this and u will try everything u can to get her out. Good Luck!
2007-01-07 03:42:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter should definitely leave him. I had the exact same thing happen to me when I was 18.. only I stuck with him and now I regret doing so. He was such a jerk and was never there for me. She just has to think, if she's pregnant and he's not there for her now.. what makes her think he'll stick around with a crying newborn there 24/7. She should do whats best for her and her baby... If he is like this now... what about 2 years down the line?? I guess some people can learn from mistakes and grow up... but she needs to also understand that some things just never change. She doesn't have to stay with him just because she is pregnant. She obviously has a family that cares very much and especially after she has her baby, she'll realize thats what she'll really be able to count on... not him. :) Hope this helped..
2007-01-07 03:45:20 · answer #2 · answered by spoiled_lovell_brat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As older adults, We will never understand the younger set. Granted we did somethings in our past that others would view as objectionable.
However she is 18 and living in your home. You feel you have taken care of her all your life and you have of course. Somethings will have to end. If your daughter is handicapped. ( I'm Not sure by your question, but seems that she is )
If she is handicapped, then there are a different set of rules to apply here. Agreed why are there so many rules in life. No one can say for sure. You will do the common thing, as a mother, its instilled within you to care for and nurture those around you.
Your daughter doesn't see this because she is blinded by the fact she is in "young love". We can only learn from our mistakes. You must take control if she isn't willing to. There is a fine line between helping someone and being used.
Right now I feel your being used. Time to step back and explain what can and will happen if she continues to stay the course she is on. You must come to terms with yourself about her and slowly let go.
There is not easy answer for questions as your. Some times it comes from within.
2007-01-07 03:55:54 · answer #3 · answered by Not Applicable 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
personally if i were her- i'd have left him by now- but i am not her. as hr mom the best thing you can do is support her decisions... maybe try explaining to her that if you bring a baby into this kind of situation, the baby tends to have problems with drugs, lieing, and just emotional problems all together (well if it grows up like that) and that although sometimes it is unfortunate for the mother she is no longer the most important person, her baby is. While being with this man may make her happy- she needs to think of the effect it may have on her child, and do what is best for her child. but as her mom, if you belive that if she moves in with him that she will be back with you eventually, then you should be ready for that because your little girl will come home heart broken and if you are supportive- not judgemental it will be easier on her and your grandchild.
good luck with all of this..... just trust that you raised your daughter the right way- and it will all work out in the end...
2007-01-07 03:48:08 · answer #4 · answered by NewMommy!!! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, she should dump him. Unfortunately, you won't be able to make her realize it. Sometimes, when your parents try to force you to dump a loser, it makes you hang on to him even harder. So proceed with caution. Perhaps she should go to alanon to learn what others have gone through. If all your concerns fall on deaf ears, there's not much you can do except be there when she finally sees the light.
Perhaps once the baby is born, she will start to consider the impact on the child. But for the sake of the baby, stay in close contact and make sure the baby is not in harm's way. If the baby is in danger, call for help from the authorities. Get the baby removed if the situation requires it. Babies are innocent and need protection above all else.
Your daughter may need to learn hard lessons for herself, but let's hope these lessons make her stronger and smarter in the long run.
Living with an alcoholic/drug addict is HARD. THEY CANNOT CHANGE FOR ANYONE. They have to hit their own rock bottom... and sometimes they have to hit it more than once.
I wish you lots of luck. This will be hard for everyone. But if you push too hard, you may get the opposite effect.
2007-01-07 03:53:21 · answer #5 · answered by Proud Momma 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I got pregnant fairly young as well....and my son's father was not the 'greatest' either. I decided to stay with him, and it wasn't the best decision. I basically had to learn the hard way....but the whole time my parents stood by me. In the end, I was with him for 4 years, he lied and cheated on me the whole time. Once I had enough, I got out of that relationship and moved on. I stayed for a couple reasons....like your daughter probably is. I wanted my son to have a father...I didn't want to have to raise him alone....and I wanted to make sure I 'tried'.
It might take your daughter some time to realize that she needs to get away from him. Maybe once she has the baby she'll wake up. Plus, if she does move away, it will probably make her wake-up even quicker because she won't have anyone to help her.
My parents were very supportive, but they were not doormats. I realized that their support was not deserved on my part, and did everything I could to make sure I didn't let them down. Hopefully your daughter will do the same. I wish you and your family the best of luck in the future.
2007-01-07 04:52:01 · answer #6 · answered by dmaria79 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As someone who has recently had a baby by a man who sounds some what similer to your daughters boyfriend. I would say that for me it came down to the fact that I knew I HAD to grow up I did NOT have a choice.( unlike the men) And I am VERY happy now but of the questions that lingered in my mind for 9 months all day everyday was... Do I want my son to grow up and treat another woman this way. Do I want my son to grow up and be like him! Would I be proud to send my child into this world and have him affecting other peoples lives and acting the way his sperm donor did? Tha answsers were ALL NO NO and NO! It is no longer about your daughter and she should really start to think about the life she will have in 10 yrs if she stays with the loser.
All of my problems were solved a few hours after having the baby because I did not have to break up with him he broke up with me because I chose to give the baby my last name because I am not proud of who he was or is and don't want my son having anything to do with his behaviors. My son is 3 months old and he has had nothing to do with us since the 2nd day we got home. He packed his things and moved out! He did us both a favor and I hope your daughter can make the right decision to. It sounds like she has all the support she needs with you and in time after focus on her and the baby she will find a MAN not a boy to help raise the baby! Good luck to both of you!
2007-01-07 04:01:30 · answer #7 · answered by Aj 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like a story that is told over and over. I know this story all to well as my family lived through this same thing but far worse.
Remember, the events from the past are often a view into the future. People don't change, she can't change him and what he is now is what he'll be in ten years.
The thing to remember is the harder you push her to keep them apart the more she'll push back and go to him. Until she sees him for what he truely is you'll just have to be there for her. Make sure she knows that you love her and she can always come home. Don't make her feel like she has to choose between you and him. If you close yourself or your home off it will only feed her desires to be with him. Keep me posted and I will help you with what I can.
2007-01-07 03:52:46 · answer #8 · answered by emsine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that if your dad never offered to pay all of those years, getting him to do it when you are an adult is going to be a lost cause. I am not even sure that you have legal standing to tell you the truth. I would get some counseling if I were you. I am sure that feeling unworthy of things is a direct result of growing up without a father around. Children often put the blame on themselves. The best thing that you can do to is to raise your children better than you were raised. Let them know that they are always loved, no matter what. Break the cycle! That is the best revenge... to be a better person than your father.
2016-05-23 03:08:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She may need some encouragement and to see that she is capable of taking care of her baby, and that she has a strong support system, without being pressured in any way to leave the father. Once the baby comes, either one of them could have a change of heart. No matter what she decides, she and the baby will be better off if she knows her family is always there for her.
2007-01-07 03:48:36 · answer #10 · answered by Sarah G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋