I broke up with my ex two years ago but continued to see him for a few months, I fell pregnant and only recently found out that he is her biological father, now he wants me back and wants to get married, and it is a logical solution but I don't love him, he's rude and arrogant, has no idea on what is appropriate for children ie puts on scary movies and expects our 4yr old to sit with him while he watches them. he has absolutely no idea on parenting and has in the past treated my daughter and I quite poorly, abusively even, he says he has changed but seems to be the same old mongrel he always was. I know I should let him spend time with the kids but I honestly believe he will only end up hurting them, I am trying to keep everyone happy in this sucky situation and I just don't know what to do? Do I look for someone better or just settle for what I can have. I am sick of being a single mum, and recently made the mistake of having sex with him again, worried I might be pregnant again.
2007-01-07 01:45:47 · 15 answers · asked by cheeky_lil_pixiegirl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
i think what is best for you is to stay by yourself and be the best mother to your two kids as possible. trust me it would never work out because i have experienced it all..if you would like to know more email me..i tell u my story.
2007-01-07 01:48:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe no matter how you feel romantically about him, you could go with him or refer him somewhere for parenting classes. Ignorance isn't an excuse, but maybe he really just doesn't stop and think of the common sense things that we just know when it comes to kids. On another note, the abuse, weather it be mental or physical is unacceptable! So he needs help! If he were willing to go through some major counseling and parenting classes, then he could maybe be involved in their lives, and maybe yours too, but for now I'd leave him alone sexually, and try to get him to get some help. If he wants a marriage and family with you bad enough, and with all his heart, he will do the work it is going to take. And if not, you will still be a great mom who made the best choice you could, and yes there will be someone better for you too!! Besides, being a single mom is probably easier than having to be a single mom stuck in the middle, and carrying all his baggage too! Good Luck!!:)
2007-01-07 02:00:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same situation as you are now.
Let me clarify a few things for you:
HE WON'T CHANGE!! HE HASN'T CHANGED!!
You don't love him.
He's rude and arrogant.
He forces small children to watch horror movies.
He treats you and your daughter abusively.
He has NO IDEA about parenting.
You believe he will HURT your children.
STOP trying to "keep everyone happy" (meaning HIM!).
THINK ABOUT the kids, stay focused on WHAT'S BEST FOR THEM.
Stop thinking about yourself and how tired you are of being a single parent. Too ate for that now, you're in in for the long or short run, however long it takes to get through it.
Come on, it won't be very hard to find someone better. Suck it up, stop submitting your poor children to this horrible creep, stop sleeping with him for God's sake, and look out for the kids. This is the easiest question I have ever answered.
By the way, I am so much happier and able to deal with things WITHOUT the abusive man in my life. And my children or no longer afraid, and have grown up to be wonderful young adults. And my little one has a refuge and place of logic and order and love when he gets back from visits with his dad. You can do it! Please!
2007-01-07 01:54:42 · answer #3 · answered by Bad Kitty! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not the logical thing to do especially if you don't love him, dump his butt and find someone new because it will just end up the same old story and you don't sound like you really want to go through that again....Do you? or here's an even better question Do you want your children to go through that again?? You and your children should never settle for something like that and whose to say he is the only one you could ever have?? I say just start fresh your Mr. Right will come in time in the mean while enjoy the single-mom life with your children.........Happy New Year
2007-01-07 01:48:34 · answer #4 · answered by *CiTsJuStMe* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are in a vicious cycle. First of all (and I'm sure you know this) stop having sex with him, get on the pill and use a condom when you are having sex with anyone! Why do you want to risk bringing anymore children into this situation?! Tell him if wants to have time with the kids it is going to be supervised visits at least until you feel you can trust him. How do the kids feel about their visits with him? If they are uncomfortable you have to stop or limit the visits. You might have to get some legal help with that part if he decides to fight you. Please put the kids first.
2007-01-07 01:51:38 · answer #5 · answered by wendygirl1000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First order of business would be to find out if you are pregnant. If you aren't this is easy. DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM ANY MORE. Move on! You can't let good things into your life if you are hung up on the bad things. Start looking for someone else with the kind of values and parenting skills that you would like for them to have. You can't find someone knew if you are still sleeping with him.
If you are pregnant look into moving to another city. You can be a better mother if you are not so frustrated.
2007-01-07 01:59:10 · answer #6 · answered by Vernita B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is not a question others can answer for you. what you need to do is sit down and seriously think what you want for your life and your kids. Do you really want your kids to see you in an abusive relationship? sure he may have changed, but wheres the proof? and everyone hates being single, for the most part, you just have to stop and think things over before you get back with this guy for good.
2007-01-07 01:51:06 · answer #7 · answered by kute_regina_gal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I continuously locate it "quirky" even as a lady says she's utilising someone only for sex...yet nonetheless needs to understand what's happening contained in the courting. there's a clarification why you may not get inquisitive about circumstances like this. there's no such ingredient as a associates with benefit difficulty no be counted how a lot human beings pick to believe it would want to be carried out or that they are doing it effectively. One continuously falls for yet another.
2016-12-28 07:30:52 · answer #8 · answered by lenart 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to not sleep with him anymore, why make more babies with a guy you can't stand? It might take a little time, but you will probably find Mr. Right. Also for now let him still see the kids, but if he keeps mistreating them, then have it court ordered supervised visits.
2007-01-07 01:48:04 · answer #9 · answered by Fatmatt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will not be a single mother forever. DO NOT SETTLE. Especially if he is not good to your daughter. As a woman you deserve better, and you will find better... besides... most women don't find out their husbands are @$$holes until years after they marry them. You already know... so you can cut out the middle man and just not marry him..lol...Good Luck
2007-01-07 01:50:47 · answer #10 · answered by WhoDidThat??? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having sex with him was probably the worse thing you could do right now.I personally think that you shouldn't get back with him because he's gonna hurt you again and as you say he doesn't make you feel happy.Try finding someone who would really care for you and your children.Good luck sweetie
2007-01-07 01:49:36 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋