anyone has kids please read?

Question

i have 5 under 5 i love my kids to bits and glad i have them all i know its alot but hey cant send them back i was in a marrage for 7 years and he ran off on weds and im struggling to cope but dont want to tell anyone due to them being taken off me he want talk to me his family wont talk to me i have no friends or family that could help social services have been a godsend as they are taking them to school on minday but hey they cant help me for the next 6 years am panicking on how im going to survive badly!

Answer 1

he's left you high and dry hun, what you need to do (if you have it) find his national insurance number and pass it over to social services, AND the CSA this way they will be able to contact him and have him pay for your kids.....don't let him get away with this, you have 5 mouthes to feed and you cannot do it alone.....it does not matter where he's living, they will still catch up with him and they will MAKE him pay for your kids, contact the CSA and give them all of his details, everything right down to what he looks like, he cannot leave you like this...i think it's terrible that he's left you to cope with 5 children alone, your next step is to go see a solicitor and file for a divorce, if you don't have an address to where he lives, then have the solicitor to sent any contact to his parents home, don't let him get away with this, he owes you BIG time, and furthermore, he owes them kids...your kids will not be taken of you unless you give the social services concern to do so, so kep looking after them, if you need anything at all, get on the phone and call the, that's what they are there for, and they will help you out....do your best but accept help from them, they will be able to provide something for you and your kids, get yourself together and show that low life that you can cope, don't give him any reason to throw this back in your face....uswomen are strong, so you just pick yourself up and do your best...but make sure you get what he owes you...don't let him get away with this scott free....

Answer 2

Life is never easy, and certainly when your bringing up five children alone now. Being positive is always difficult when there is so much negative around you at the moment, do try and focus on something that brings you a smile or pleasure. Social services won`t take the children off of you if your treating them well, they should be there to offer you support on a practical level with them. Perhaps what you need to do is to have someone that listens to you like a counsellor, there are many areas around the UK that offer free counselling services that are available more or less straight away. Sometimes when we talk to someone, although the problems are still there they are halfed because we have shared them with someone. In some agencies not only are there counsellors to support you emotionally, but you will find that they will be able to help you on other levels too.

I wish you all the best. Life when at the bottom can only go up. You get knocked down but you`ll get back up again.

Answer 3

Wow, 5 under 5 is a lot to look after for a couple, let alone a single mum with no family or friend.
I understand of course that you don't want any one of them taken away from you.
Money wise, you could cope, because, you need to write straight away to Income Revenue and state your new situation.
Then, you should also try and have maybe the youngest at nursery full time.
Again, do not worry with the cost, as you will be helped weekly, so you'll be able to cope.
Basically, financially speaking, I wouldn't worry, as I know from my own experience that you do get enough help.
I'm more concerned on the moral side.
It's really hard work.
You should go and see a counsellor, at least to start by talking about your feelings, you know, get it off your chest.
Then, start a routine.
Don't look at the next 6 years.
Take it a day at a time, at the most a week at a time.
Try and create a pattern.
You could still go to work if you want and need to get out of the house;
And if not, go to mothers and toddlers, for a start.
what about accomodation? But again, you'd have that sorted out if you go to social services.
Nobody should make you give away any of your children.
You don't have to.
But take it 1 day at a time, and do keep in touch.
There will be difficult days, but hang on there.
you can contact me if you want. KC.xxx

Answer 4

Just because you are struggling doesn't mean social services will take them off you. Anyone would find it hard to bring up 5 kids under 5 even with help from family and friends. You need to tell your husband that he must help you out because it is the children who will suffer. Is there anyway you could ask his family for help surely they do not to see the kids suffer

Answer 5

...but somehow in these totally impossible situations, people just pull through. I don't think anyone really knows how it works, but it does.

Start with www.freecycle.org - you'll never need to buy anything again. Well that's a slight exaggeration, but stuff for kids is easily available through the freecycle communities, and hopefully there will be one near you. It might also help you to get rid of some clutter.

If you're somewhere metropolitan, or even if you're not, try www.gumtree.com as well - lots of free stuff there.

Are your kids exceptionally cute? Could they advertise nappies? Xboxes? something in between?

Good luck; I hope you don't lose the joy over the next 6 years. But even so, with five, you will get the joy back sooner or later...

Answer 6

Stay calm.

Make a list of all of your assets.
Get the account numbers of all things jointly, and individually for BOTH of you
Get his Drivers License number
Get his Social Security Number
Copy all other important documents (titles to cars, insurance policies, house deeds, anything else that seems important.)
Find your tax records for the past 7 years
make copies of all house keys
make copies of all vehicle keys (if you have the title, you can take it to the dealer and they will make you a copy.)
Find his pay stubs, keep them.
Keep track on his spending, (credit card receipts, withdrawls from the bank)
make a long of when he comes to see the kids, how long he stays, if he gives you any money, keep track of it.
Keep a log of his moods when he comes. Keep tracking the mood swings.
Keep a log of when he calls.
Document ANYTHING else that you might think would be important.

you are going to have to get a job. it is going to be hard.
Do not be too proud to ask people for help. Family, friends, anyone. That is what they are there for. You can worry about repaying them later.
Sign up for welfare, they can help you with child support and other issues.

Good luck.

***email me if you need some more advice or just someone to talk to. I have been there.***

Answer 7

i am sorry that your man is acting like that, and his family has no right to ignore you.
first, tell them that if they dont help, the court will get you some child support that will help. Tell them that you will send him to jail if he doesnt pay.
then, get you a third shift job at a factory or convenience store, and let a family member or someone else stay with them at night. when you get home from work you can take them to school then go home and sleep.
the state has programs that will help you pay for your living expenses and provide you with food and daycare. then you can sit back and live
I know that it is hard to raise a bunch of kids, but if you just make them act right, they will. you can have a nice life without that jerk.

Answer 8

Wow! You got your hands full! You need to find someone to talk to. Maybe a church or some from socail services. I'm single mom of 3 and my ex-walk away form us. Yes, having family around does help but sometimes they don't understand what you are going through. I went through services through the state and found my bible and read alot and had faith and it has got me where I'm today. I'm doing fine now! It took along time thou! One day at a time! Don't be afraid to ask for help! Good luck!

Answer 9

I have 6 kids .4 under six ,1 8 and ,1 16.I know what you are going through,just be careful with social services .. once they get involved it's hard to get them out of your life.I started looking for work,didn't work during our marriage but afraid that if I don't now he will get custody of his three,3 are mine from previous...he makes great money,but never home even before things got bad.I guess all i can say is good luck..my prayers are with you if you ever need to chat email me.

Answer 10

Speak to the social service and tell then all your concerns. They are there to help people in your situation. If your man has left you will be entitled to a lot more benefits which should help financially. Remember that as of now...things can and will only get better.