How to live in a sound environment with a cheater like husband? It's only for the sake of my 3yr old daughter.

Question

I cannot trust my husband anymore. I've forgiven him so many times that I cannot accept any more his stupid reasons for forgiveness. Chances!!! Last chance, how many last chance I've granted him and the more Hurt I've been. Now my heart is filled with hatred. Since my parents never approved my marriage with him, I can't even tell my parents how he been lying to me about always being a smoker and hiding phone calls and messages about exgirlfriends. I've no place to go that to stay in him house for the sake of my daughter. Our child is the most beautiful thing that has happened to me and I do not want her to live without the love of a mother and father. She's so caring and has always lived in a loving environment. I feel really trapped and everytime I see my husband's face, I feel anger. I married him when I was 22 yrs old, so young and he was the love of my life and I've not known anyone beside him. Frankly speaking, he's not the type to show his feelings but he was a good husband. Help

Answer 1

Divorce him and start over while your daughter is young. She doesn't need to grow up with a father like that. You can do better.

Answer 2

I know you love your daughter, that shows clearly... let me ask you this. If your daughter were in a relationship with a man and feeling like you are feeling now, what advice would you give your daughter? THAT is what you need to do.

If he is a good father, he will be a good father whether you and he are living together or now, so she will have the love of both a mother and father.

If he's not a good father now, then she already doesn't have the love and safety she needs, so she won't lose much if you leave.

In the end, your daughter will learn how she should be in relationships based on what she sees you and your husband do in your relationship. Would you want her to stay where she is miserable just because of a child? Think about the guilt she will feel when she's a teenager or older and she finally realizes that the only reason you stayed unhappy and scared for so many years was because of her.

I don't think relationships are disposable, but I do believe when you know the relationship is over, there is no trust, it's time to let that relationship go and learn to live and love and be happy all over again.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 3

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What's changed in your marriage?

What I mean is, if you changed any at all sence you 2 were married, he may be reacting to it.
If it's age, stop growing old, grow young. Be the woman you were when you first got married.

If you want to stay together for the sake of your daughter, then that's a good reason.

Send your daughter to a babysitter.
Fix a meal that's out of this world, and lay the romance on really thick.
Say sweet things to him, every day, and mean it.
Do the things you did when your marriage was new.
No matter how angry you feel towards him right now, say and do all the things you did before things went bad.
Your anger is making him go to someone else for comfort.

If he was the love of your life then, chances are, he still is.
Giving up on a marriage that can be salvaged can result in more missery than sticking around and trying your best to fix the problem.
You are right in not involving your family. Infact, no matter how misserable you are, you let them see your happy side.

The most important thing you can do, GET RID OF THE ANGER !!!!!!!!!!
Anger is a black cloud that distorts your thinking.
Then, as hard as it may be, you need to own up to your own mistakes.

You can do this, you can win him back, you just have to have more love that hate.

If you look at him, you see your daughter, and you can't hate your daughter.
You both have to ask yourselves, what kind of an example do we want to set for our little girl.
Believe it or not, she knows something is wrong, and it will hurt her. she will bottle it up til she's old enough to identify with these feelings, then she will hate either one of you, or both.

Everything you 2 do, you are teaching your child. Good or bad.

I wouldn't be saying all this, if I didn't know.
I made the mistake of running away from the problem, and involving my family and my teens. I was wrong. I divorced my husband, wrongly.
Although we are back together, I still have regrets.

What ever you do, don't go down without a fight.
It would be too painful, for all 3 of you.

Best of luck to you and the man you love too much to hate.

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Answer 4

News flash....you are only kidding yourself...no one else. You could find a place to go if you wanted or needed to bad enough. It's time to fess up to your parents and ask for some help to get out of that relationship....for the sake of your DAUGHTER. Your husband obviously disrepects you, so do you think he is going to be any better toward your daughter as she grows older? The home can't be that "loving" or he wouldn't be cheating. How can someone be filled with hate (you) and be living in a home filled with love? This doesn't even make sense. You contradict yourself with this. Do yourself and child a favor and get of out there so you can live a happier and more peaceful life.

Answer 5

Why would you want to teach your daughter that this is acceptable behavior? If you stay that is exactly what you are doing. Children are not stupid they can see what is going on. You would be better off coming clean with your parents and then leaving him. You must show your child that this is not what marriage is all about. Sooner or later you will not be able to keep the anger inside from everything that he has done to you and that will show to your daughter as well. No matter what happens between you and him make sure that he has a relationship with her and don't make her choose which parent to love. Good luck

Answer 6

You are not doing your daughter any favors by staying with someone that you hate. She will grow up in an enviroment with hatred and you want to set a better example than that for her. He can still be a big part of your daughters life, but her growing up in a NON loving home is not good. How can it be a loving enviroment if you hate him? You want her to see how a good and loving relationship is, not one that is filled with lies and hatred. Because chances are.....that will be the type of man she goes after. Is that what you really want for her? And you have to make yourself happy also. Good luck!

Answer 7

I was in a similar situation with my wife. There just was a point when I had to say that enough was enough. Like you I worried about my little girl. I realized that even though I thought she may have been unaware of how hurt I was she knew. She did not know why but she could feel that daddy was just not the way he used to be. I made the decision to leave. It allowed me to be better dad. I found that once I left I was able to be the person that I once was. I no longer had this grudge and sick feeling in my stomach. I did not have to be fake. I could be me. No one around me knew what I was going through. 8 months went by and then they found out. One of the most difficult things I have ever done was to leave but it was also one of the best things that I ever done for myself. Families will come around we all make mistakes but having no one to talk to makes these types of decisions very difficult. I hope that you have all the strength you need to do what is best for you and your child. Good luck.

Answer 8

You are in no way trapped… you wouldn’t believe how many guys would welcome the chance to be with someone like you and be a real father to your child. Fathers are supposed to be role models. What kind of a man habitually cheats on his wife? I can tell you that he is not the kind of man that you want your child to idolize. Not to mention you’re not happy at all with the present situation, which should be enough discomfort to make you want to move on anyway. You have given more than enough chances and shed enough tears. You are a good person and deserve better than being constantly disrespected and abused… I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 9

I feel for you, never blame yourself and never feel you are trap. You have choices. First, you can be honest with your parents and tell them what has been happening. They will love you no matter what because you are their daughter. If you want to do this for your daughter, you leave him. Take your daughter and move back home. If you are working great, if not your parents can support you for awhile until you find a job. I can tell you are not happy, then you need to move on. Life is simple, make a decision and never look back. He will never change and you will never be happy in this marriage. Your daughter will sense it when sge gets older and you will realize you wasted X amount of years of your life. Do it for your daughter and yourself. Good luck!

Answer 10

For the sake of your daughter you will get out of this environment before you start taking it out on her. You can only repress so much anger and hurt before it comes on on ones you don't want it to. If your husband is the father he should be, your daughter will have a good relationship with him but you don't have to puy yourself through hell for it. Go to your parents and admit things, they most likely already know, it's your move to step up to the plate. You might find them very supportive and helpful.
Good luck and take care of yourself so you remain strong enough emotionally to give your daughter the best.

Answer 11

First of all, there is always somewhere for you to go. I am sure you have family or friends that will give you a place to stay while you get yourself together. You are only doing a disservice to your daughter raising her in this type of environment. She will flourish in a single parent home with you as long as your are happy. Children, as they get older, see things we don't want them to see. And she will eventually understand what is going on. You don't deserve to be treated like that. It may be hard but you should leave.