am i wasting my time?

Question

i've been with my girlfriend who is 30 now for 4 years. I'm 35. she has two children from a previous and we bought a house together some 2 years ago. my problem is that she has changed in the last year or so. she has turned into somebody who cannot accept criticism and generally does as she pleases. she has always liked to party and now is prepared to stay out all night and do so in the knowledge i am at home looking after 'our' children (she doesn't want more kids despite telling me different for the first couple of years). she is stubborn and doesn't budge on anything at all. She lost her job a few months ago and has done temp stuff for a few days in that time. The house is generally untidy and i work 50-60 hours a week. I tidy the kitchen most nights after work to 'help' she spends much time with her friends and theres always excuses or reasons to party! Talking presents no long term solutions. Does she REALLY want to be with me or just want the benefits of 'living with me'?

Answer 1

you have practically answered your own question
u are 35 don't waste your life with someone who doesn't
feel the same way u do
good luck

Answer 2

She is prob feeling really low after loosing the job and going out prob takes her mind off it.

What i think is that instead of arguing or whatever get someone to take the kids for 1 night get in a takeaway treat her like royalty and try talking to her explaining how you feel and what she is doing to you

At least you will no either way.
Just also remind her how things were when ye first got together

Explain that you have no problem minding the kids the odd night but that you need and want a little bit of her time also because it is her you love and want to be with

Even if she does not want to talk tell her she can aat least have the decencty to listen

Take Care
And Good Luck

Answer 3

Sounds like there is alot of miscommunication here.There seems like theres alot of stuff shes going through right now that she feels like she can't talk to you about but obviously she loves you or she would not be there. Tell her you feel theres been a lack of communication and you want to sit and talk and if that doesnt work suggest to her seeing a counselor as a mediator for your discussion so that way you both get to get everything out in the open without having a big fight or getting to walk away from one another before the other one is done speaking. Honesty and communication are everything in a relationship. If you cant communicate openly,honestly and with level heads the relationship is not going to work.

Answer 4

I agree with the above. It sounds like she is using you for the conveniences of living with you. She has a roof over her head, a babysitter, and no longer has to hold a real job! Now she just wants to party all the time. It sounds like you have one selfish "B" on your hands. You need to talk to her and tell her to shape up or ship out! Maybe a proper threat will make her change. She probably had her kids at a young age and feels like now is the time to make up for time she lost raising the little boogers. Lot's of women go through that which is normal, but it isn't fair to put you through that.

You really need to have a sit down - maybe consider counseling. If she isn't willing then honey, she just doesn't care enough about you. Get out while you are still young. Good luck!

Answer 5

Well, being that she's always liked to party, she hasn't really "changed" in this respect, but perhaps she's not trying as hard to please you, or look at things from your point of view anymore - she got complacent. Sounds like the tendencies she might have had from the beginning just got exacerbated in the last couple of years, for whatever reason. You have to ask yourself if this is something you are willing to keep dealing with on the long-term basis; if not - and if you don't seem to find a reasonable solution - perhaps you'll have to chalk this one up to experience, and keep searching for the right person to settle down with. To be hoping for her to change her ways is probably a losing proposition.

Answer 6

She wants a 'baby sitter'!!
You got yourself into a real mess with this one dearie!!
Are you sure you're not 'too' critical?
Maybe you're coming off as a 'NAG' if you're critizing her a lot.
Either way, she's not happy and you're not happy, and if talking doesn't work then there's little else you can do.
Although you could try finding your own place.
Right now she's just using you in several ways.
So she's got two kids from the previous marriage, but they are not your responsibility to provide for them.
You may care about these kids, but thats no reason to live in such turmoil.
GET OUT!!

Answer 7

hi there....im sorry that this is at thr moment a unhappy relationship and to start with you have to stop and think how you really feel about her ......what imean is there been any big change in her life in the last 12mths that could cause her to change so much ......has she changed the friends that she used to see ......is this a bunch of female frinds that have no responabilities ......that could cause this ......you need to get her to sit down and really get her attention that thefact that you are now really fed up with the situation and if she doesnt take note that things can not go on the way things are at the moment .....the fact being that she is not there for the kids .....should be noted ,.....ask her what she wants in life and the fact that yuo both seem to be going in 2 different directions .......point out that if you to split up she wont have the life she is living and ask her if she wants out ......that way you really are bringing this to a head and believe me she needs a wake up call that will make her take note ......she is a mother with kids start doing that job .....good luck and take carexxxx

Answer 8

What you have is a very typical situation- with a twist. You are playing the part of Dad- working and supporting the family, and she has assumed the wild young lady role, partying too much, and being hardheaded and self centered. She probably wants you for the benefits, rather than for yourself.

Answer 9

Seems she's going through a crisis of some sorts, I would guess it's more to do with growing up, gaining responsibilities and the realisation that her youth is slipping away that is making her panic rather then any personal change in opinion against you. Have a chat with her, but I would hope that after a while of getting this out of her system she will settle back down again.

Answer 10

Well, the ans is in you whether you think is a matter of wasting of your time, don't forget you never have opportunity to turn back your clock, no matter how life still goes on...Maybe you may meet some other better gals whom come along the way or achieve something in your life indeed. If it is something which within your control, you able to do something with it instead.

Answer 11

i think she has built up complex on loosing her job or she become depent on you for money
since you both bought this house she is even more carefree
she has learned how to use u.....your love has become her advantage. try talking with her about break up, see how she reacts , if she is ready then go with it. if she is not , tell her things in your relationship wont last long until she could compramise.
since you are only 35 and obviously can find a more pretty well behaving women.