he cheated on me before we got married, and i stayed and now he's done it again. Why i give him whatever he wants!!!!
2007-01-06 20:21:05 · 21 answers · asked by nameless 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
because he knows he can do whatever he wants and you'll still be there for him.....why are you letting him cheat on you?
2007-01-06 20:22:41 · answer #1 · answered by ishybug03 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Meaning no disrespect, but he cheats on you because you allow it. You have given him no true consequence to his behavior. Instead, you've rewarded him by 1) marrying him, and 2) sticking around.
If you wish to be respected by him, you must first respect yourself. That means decide first what is and isn't acceptable to your relationship. It sounds to me like you are not at all okay with his infidelity. Therefore, you MUST be your own advocate for what is right in your marriage.
Sit him down and tell him in no uncertain terms that his affairs are unacceptable and that you cannot continue in a marriage where that is playing an active part. Tell him he has a choice: 1) stop having affairs and remain married to you, or 2) continue the affairs and he will have to leave. Or you'll leave. Whatever is the most realistic option, logistically. If his choice is to end the affairs, then you should insist on couple's counseling. Obviously, if either partner in a relationship has turned outward to fulfill any need, then that is an indicator that something isn't right within the relationship. The issues need to be uncovered and dealt with. The sooner, the better. If his choice is to continue his philandering, then divorce is warranted.
Regardless of which way it goes, once you put the choice out there, once you give voice to it, you MUST follow through. Do not back down. Otherwise he will continue to take you for granted and continue treating you in the manner you've taught him is okay.
I hope this helps.
2007-01-06 20:35:06 · answer #2 · answered by Jen 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Long and short of it is this, provided what you have told us about you is true and accurate.
He is like so many in this world are today. He only worries about what he wants and likes for the most part.
He can come up with whatever justifications in his mind which helps him be this way.
His moral code is like many others. Right and Wrong is defined by what he likes or wants and what will serve him in getting what he wants. It is not hard to see how one could be this way for it is constantly displayed as being normal. Simply spend some time in yahoo Q&A and this will become evident rapidly.
He has some clue from you as to what you will and will not tolerate or accept from him.
Doing wrongly has not cost him enough to make him wish to change or consider his actions.
Not sure that I beleive in such a thing, yet if it is true, he could be sex addict. Again, not certain that there is anything to this as far as being legitimate condition, but if there is, it could be something he suffers.
2007-01-06 23:04:30 · answer #3 · answered by Mr. JW 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First he is an asshole. Second why would you married a cheating guy. Third, get a divorce and move on before you waste your life on him. Forth, he will never change (does leopards change their spots: NO). Move on and leave the loser. You deserve better. There are alot of guys out there deserve a woman like you.
2007-01-07 00:23:33 · answer #4 · answered by Paul 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you do give him whatever he wants. You let him cheat. Then you give him all the advantages of having a wife. You cook, clean and have sex with him. If you don't respect yourself why should anyone else. He is a dog and you are a doormat. Sorry.
2007-01-06 21:31:00 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The short answer: because he can.
You give him what you think he wants, but one thing you cannot give him is a thrill of a new conquest. Marriage has a lot of benefits, but this thrill is the one thing that a person who's getting married is expected to give up; however, if you are tolerant of this behavior, why would he give it up when he can have the best of both worlds? If you choose to stay with a man who disrespects you, it's your problem, not his.
2007-01-06 20:56:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The real question is: Why do YOU ALLOW him to cheat on you? Are you not worth more than that? His behavior will not change because he apparently sees nothing wrong with it. That's why it continues. You need to fix things before children come on board and other peoples' lives get needlessly involved
2007-01-07 08:54:54 · answer #7 · answered by Lisa S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you ALLOW him to do so. He cheated on you BEFORE you got married...that SHOULD have told you something right there...you then CHOSE to marry the man knowing he was a cheater...So what are you whining about YOU got what YOU wanted.
2007-01-06 20:53:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You knew what you were getting into before you got married. Once a cheater -- always a cheater.
Cheating can sort of be like a drug addiction for men. Once the inhibition layer is thin, and the opportunity presents itself .... It's like a dog in heat. There's no stopping it.
2007-01-06 20:24:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It take two to clap. You already know he like to cheat on you before your got married to him. If you cannot execpt him as what he is, then you should not married him. A leopard never lost is spot.
2007-01-06 20:26:58 · answer #10 · answered by Tan J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i think the QUESTION is why do you stay with him ??.......... he cheated on you before you got married why the hell would you go and say YES to him he just showed you he is not faithful to you ??
i love my man more then words can say but if he was to cheat on me well sorry but it would be DONE ....
2007-01-07 03:38:55 · answer #11 · answered by bonnie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋