my ex will only c our kids if im invovled wth him and i'm so unhappy what should i do i love my kids so much

Answer 1

thats what you cal emotional blackmail...tell him to fkuc off

Answer 2

Screw your ex, (no pun intended) if he doesn't want to have anything to do with your kids unless you are with him then he's not a very good father. No father should put you in a position like that if he really cared about his kids. Find someone else that will be a father figure to your kids, and tell your ex to shove it!
(sorry not being rude, just my opinion)


Oh and to lahuretz that posted this: "Firstly, this doesnt tell the ENTIRE story... I'm sure whatever has happened was initially sparked because of an action of yours... It was YOUR mistake and now you must live with it. A man would not be irrational and just take actions as such.... The answers here wont help you a lot where you make clear that nothing is your fault because I am pretty sure that most of it is... if not, all... Face what you have done dear... "
How can I say this nicely so it won't offend you? Let me think...Ok here's how, You can not blame her, you don't even know the situation yourself so shut up. I may not know all the details but I know that the guy sounds like an a$$hole if he doesn't want to see his kids unless he's "involved" with her, hello that's blackmail!

(I am sorry if I seem out of line but I'm sure there are people that agree with me)

Answer 3

What's with lahuertz above? That boy has some issues.
You probably recognize this kind of manipulation - he's always been like this. The answer is no. You do have court orders don't you? If not get into court with visitation orders. You take control. The children will learn if they have not already the true nature of their sperm donor. Your question above reveals you as a weak person who loses perspective when he issues another order. The issue here is his manipulative nature which he is willing to use at the expense of the children. The children will get on with life just as a million others do each week. You must get some backbone and that will require counseling or, you can just find resolve and tell the ex your answer is no.

Answer 4

If this is his position, then it is very obvious that their is no love on his part for the children. You should respect yourself and your kids and tell him he can see the children if he wants to see them but only if he wants to see the kids. This can be tested simply by him taking the kids or visiting the kids and maybe having a relative be there instead of you.

In the long run it does the children no good if he does not love them and sees them only to be close to you. They will know this. The truth although hard, will teach the kids to follow the right path as they get older.

It sucks, but I hate to imagine how a child would feel if once a week or bi-weekly, their dad drops by to visit but they know inside he is not there to see them, or love them.

Sounds like lahuretz is a very bitter person with issues toward woman or is this man in question - lighten up without the all facts dude.

"Reality check" - there are lots of people that selfish and lacking the ability to love out there.

Answer 5

Well you have a choice, either say involved with your ex or have him not see your kids. Whether he sees the kids or not is purely up to him. You can't FORCE him to. Why you're even asking about this makes me think that you aren't as unhappy with him as you pretend you are. If you were so unhappy you wouldn't even let the thought of him not seeing the kids bother you because there would be no way you would want to be involved with him.

Answer 6

I have a similar situation only it's my boyfriend's ex wife. They have been divorced for 1 1/2 years. She uses the kids as an emotional pawn. They are caught in the middle. They are 14 yr old twins and she tells them everything. She doesn't know about me yet and I tried to tell him the longer you wait to tell her about me the more angry she will be. I guess what I am saying is people like that are control freaks and their philosophy is my way or the highway. Emotional blackmail is a nice way of putting it. Get a lawyer!

Answer 7

i'm not sure i get the gist of what your asking here?you have the kids,your a woman?if thats the question he's a piece of **** and doesn't deserve to see his kids if thats the sort of values he is teaching them.you dont use children as leverage and you dont use blackmail especially emotional blackmail.you dont use children period.he needs to be put in the boot of a car and taken for a ride.it's hard enough on the kids(and the adults) as it is without either partner resorting to emotional blackmail,theres already enough problems without adding that sort of stuff.very immature and does'nt think much of the kids.doesn't think at all?if thats not the question my points would be pretty much the same anyway,it's about the kids.

Answer 8

It sounds like he still has feelings for you. Make it clear to him that he still has a responsibility to your kids but that you no longer wish to be involved with him. It won't help the kids in the long run if you get involved with him again even if you are unhappy. I hope he's helping you out financially because if he isn't you should seek him out for child support. It's his responsibility.

Answer 9

I'm sorry to hear that, If you are not happy, then you need to do what's right in your heart. It is a form of abuse for him to use the kids to stay with you, he has no right to do that. And I know you Love your kids, and I'm sure you only want what's best for them, and you'd like them to be able to see their father, but if he is threatening that he will only see the kids if youre together, then that doesn't say much about him, it says to me that he doenst think their worth it. And they are. He shouldnt be playing mind games with you, and he's using the kids to get to you. I think if he Loves his kids as much as you do, he'd fight to be able to see him. I hope you find the answer you are looking for, and I wish nothing but the best for you. Good Luck :)

Answer 10

Your ex is trying to keep control of you, don't let him do that. I realize your children want to see their Dad but it's not fair that you have to make the trade, it's his loss if he breaks the ties with the children don't let him put a guilt trip on you by saying it's your fault because you won't see him. My ex tried something similar with me, only his was I had to "see" him if I wanted the child support. At first I did it because I needed it then realized what I was doing and told him to kiss off. There were struggling times but we were happy and that's what counted. If you let him continue this he will control you completely, you'll never have your own life.

Answer 11

I guess he wont be SEEING THE KIDS? Dam it's that simple. He obviously doesn't care about them as much as HE CARES ABOUT HIM SELF! Why would you want your kids around a selfish prick like that in the first place? The kids will LEARN in time who's the better parent no need to tell them anything.

No wonder you left him!