I have a dilemma with Pride march and a friend's daughter... help and other viewpoints would be apprieciated

Question

I'm not going to use real names for this. I'll call my friend Kayla and her daughter Jenna. Jenna is 12 (going on 15) and has asked me if she can accompany me to Pride. She has asked me this same question last year and possibly the year before but I have turned her down every other time however, she has just asked me again and I'm starting to waiver. Jenna turned 12 in September last year and is more mature than her years give her credit for. She has also mentioned some curiosity and such about her sexuality. I presume that this is completely normal for someone her age though.

I understand and respect that the final decision on this rests with Kayla (who is also deaf) but before I have this discussion with Kayla I need to be 200% sure. Is it a good or bad idea to take Jenna to Pride? Please do not bring religion or hatred into this. I'm happy to hear the positives and negatives of taking Jenna but please don't post hateful messages about homosexuality. That's not what I've asked for.

I suppose that what I'm trying to ask is: In your mind, is 12 too young?

Answer 1

Hm. I guess I have only a list of questions that might be good to get answered...

How does Kayla feel about Jenna being exposed to nudity? In the States is a big deal for a 12-year-old, but you're not in the States.

How much knowledge/comfortability does Jenna have when it comes to nudity? Sex? Again, it's a taboo topic over here but over there it might be different.

I guess I ask those because even though Pride parades can be pretty risque in parts, only focusing on sex, other parts would send a great message to her, showing her that people from all walks of life can be gay. If she's a mature 12-year-old it might be a good thing for her to go... but only if you're on the sidelines so that you can talk about any issues of nudity or sex that come up.

Pride over here consists of more than a parade though. There's a family fun part set up in a park. Do they do that by you? Because even if her mom decides she's too young for the parade this year, maybe the other events that are more family-friendly would be a good introduction to Pride.

Also, since you're younger than her mom you would probably be a good person for her to go with anyway. She'll probably feel more comfortable asking you questions than her mom because you have that "cool" thing going for you. :)

You've gotten a lot of good answers. I hope mine adds to those.

Answer 2

I think its a great idea that Jenna goes. I say the more informed she is the better. Why shelter or "hide" answers from someone who asking questions. Reguardless of what Jenna's sexaulity ends up being, events such as Pride, teach tolerance and understanding of different people. I've seen childer of all ages at Pride (from the stroller on up!) Particapiting and showing support for you as well as the rest of the community will make her a well rounded individual. The experience of going to Pride will be positive Jenna. I wish, I had someone around to take me to Pride and answer questions for me when I was younger-- hell I didnt even know what a lesbian was until I was in my late teens. SOOoooo, feed her young mind, keep an open line of communication w/ Kayla and Jenna.

Answer 3

What a terrible capture 22 subject you have here.... I completely comprehend which you're undecided what to do. i'm not definitely helpful that there is a appropriate answer. on the single hand, I believe you that for the time of the experience that your pal and her mom had a poor falling out, you will possibly experience dreadful. on the different hand, as female Suri shows, the probability is that the mum might shop being subversive... ok, this is my opinion, for what it is worth: in case you experience that this became a one-off, and not going that the grandmother will do the rest, then leave it. yet whilst your gut feeling is that the grandmother is going to surreptitiously commence introducing her grandson to Catholicism, then i think of if so, a quiet word on your pal may well be a competent thought... superb of success; you're an exceedingly good pal :) KISMET has given an exceedingly super answer. After examining the different responses, I agree that in case you do not tell your pal, and he or she unearths out which you knew, it would desire to be an exceedingly puzzling subject. the two way, regardless of you do, you won't experience fullyyt delicate; it is incredibly unlucky which you have have been given grow to be 'in contact' in this occasion. You sound like a actual and good man or woman; circulate with your gut feeling :)

Answer 4

In my personal opinion 12 yrs old is not quite old enough to be at pride. I don't know where you are but I have attended them in several cities and I don't think that she will be neccessarily ready to handle all that she can possibly see...there are (where I have been) some pretty explicit things that can take place. Even being mature...how many people there will she truly be able to relate to? I started out when I was 16 and looking back now I can honestly admit that it was too young. Only because it open doors for me to things that really should not have been my focus at that time. The thing is that we never really know what is going on in another persons head..how they are processing it..what questions are raised..how they will respond. If that response is not immediately negative but can lead to problems in the future, do you want to be the one who introduced her to the root of these problems. I figure like this...when she is truly old enough she will find her own way there. You guys can meet up have drinks, dance, mingle and party away and you will not have to have to question your actions...just have fun.

Answer 5

i think it's up to kayla. Really, jenna doesn't have a say if her mother says no and you need to respect it. Personally, I wouldn't take her to it, but then again I don't believe in pride parades. I think that they're degrading and show the worse of the gay community (like every gay man really wears butless leather chaps and chains and every lesbian is a dyke on a hog). I just think the whole pride parade is dumb, but then again that's just my opinion. But if you like it and want to go....go for it. But I would ask her mother, not let jenna ask her because she could say no and jenna could tell you that she said yes. maybe her mother could go to. But respect the mother's decision. After all you are her friend.

Answer 6

12 is absolutely the right time. Now, if your city's pride is on the more...risque side, that might be something to consider (mine's pretty tame, but I hear all the fuss, so it must be bad somewhere). But, she wants to go and see what it's like, she's DEFINITELY the right age to have some questions, and I think it'd be good for her to see that there can be a supportive community. And if there's any day when EVERYWHERE feels like community....

(that's kinda why I love pride so much; it's like we literally take over an entire street, sometimes more, and make ALL of it queer space).

Answer 7

All of my comments and opinions about orientation and such aside,
my old-fashioned stance is that 12 is too young to date, too young to get sexually involved with anyone, and too young to start the whole boyfriend/girlfriend charade, therefore, 12 is too young to make orientation-choices. she has a lot of physical matureing, mental matureing, and emotional growth to get through before these sort of choices should be made. She's barely hit puberty, Lord only knows what she will feel or think about anything in the span of five minutes, much less five or ten years.

But this is completely in Kayla's hands and it's her decision what to let her daughter choose and how quickly she is allowed to grow up in this whole arena.

-personally, I do not believe people are born gay and that sort of thing, so for me, the choice would be to keep my child home that day. I'm not suggesting anyone raise their child to be cruel or feel they are above people that make different choices with their lives, contrary, they should be well-informed of all things in this respect. I dont know, maybe she can watch with her mom or have a discussion about it with you with her mom present.

Answer 8

I personally wouldn't take a 12 year old to the pride parade simply because you can't control all the content that they will see there. I think it is similar to taking a 12 year old to an "R" rated movie.

The most important answer to this question I believe involves the parents or guardians of the 12 year old who wants to go to the parade. How do they feel about it? If they are cool with it then I would take her. If they don't then I wouldn't.

I would be concerned if a 12 year old was already questioning her sexuality. I think that 12 is far to young to be considering sex of any kind.

Answer 9

There may be some situations at the pride parade that could be a bit troublesome for a 12 year old, but these situations will not make her gay....or straight. That's already been determined in her chemistry.
I say let her go with you if you feel she's mature enough.
It'll definitely be fun!

Answer 10

Why would you not take her to the Pride march?? to not expose her to the gay world?...these days she already knows far more about the gay world than most of us give her credit for...
She's 12 years old--she has the right to make her own sane, choices in life..She's rapidly becoming an adult..If she's gay or straight..the parade won't change her...let her gain some knowledge...let her learn on her terms.
And to comment on an answer above...with so much violence and cruelty out there..who's worried about a little nudity...everybody is naked under those clothes.