I have told my husband I wish he would be more attentive to me. I just want him to talk with me or put his arm around me when we are watching TV. Why would he not follow through on any of this? It is so hurtful to me when he always has time for the kids, but when they go to bed he just falls asleep on the couch.
2007-01-06 16:29:46 · 19 answers · asked by chatter 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I remember a long time ago when my wife would say things like that to me, but she said it in a kind of confrontational way. I knew that I could have sat down with her & snuggled in front of the TV before she said anything, but then she would growl at me about my not taking the initiative according to her expectations. Now maybe I was ready for a snuggle before, but do I really want to go over & cuddle up to a snarling cat on the couch?
I especially didn't want to just answer the call for a cuddle out of guilt either.
I don't want to put the blame entirely on her, I could have been more attentive, but if she had simply come over, & moved in close on the couch, I would have understood, & she would have got her way very effectively.
Now about the falling asleep on the couch thing. It's like this; once we get home, & we have a belly full of dinner, something happens physically to us. If we don't have enough outside stimulae like having kids bouncing all over us, we tend to pass out. It's just nature at work. He isn't doing it to you, he's doing it in spite of you, so don't take that so personal.
Now if he's sitting there like a lump even when you put the moves on him, then he may have an issue with being intimate, & you two need to have a bit of a talk.
I hope that helps.
2007-01-06 16:54:30 · answer #1 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are other things I wish you had mentioned, like how long you've been married, how many hours he works a day, how many kids, etc, that can all play a part in it.
Honestly, a lot of the problem is that people think that spark has to stay, and don't realize that people settle into a comfortable routine after marriage.
My husband and I have been married for 10 years this may. We have 5 kids, with the youngest being 5 and the oldest 12. My husband works 6 days a week, sometimes 7, and his shifts are 14 hour night shifts. I'm home with the kids all day long, and he's tired as hell when he walks in in the mornings.
And yet we love each other very much. He doesn't have to cuddle with me on the couch, and honestly, if he tried I'd likely push him away. I've been dealing with kids all day, a little personal room is a nice thing.
But, he'll touch my arm as he walks by me, or give me a kiss on his way out the door. He'll look over the kids heads and give me a certain smile.
The cuddling on the couch phase ends with youth. It's something teenagers do to feel secure. You shouldn't need that to feel secure in your marriage, and if you do need it, your problems are more severe than a lack of attention.
Obviously, by the time your kids go to bed, your husband is tired, hence the reason he falls asleep. Why not try getting a babysitter for an evening, so you can be alone before that time of night that he's falling asleep?
You can't expect him to comform to whatever you think is right, without taking some of the responsibility yourself. If you want added attention on top of a busy schedule, then give him a reason to be responsive to it. Do something nice for him, plan an evening out, go out of your way .... instead of trying to change a situation without recognizing the boundaries, and without putting any effort into it.
2007-01-07 00:35:24 · answer #2 · answered by Jaded 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long have you been married?
How is your communication?
How is your intimacy?
How many kids do you have and how old are they?
Was he affectionate before you got married?
All marriages, even the best marriages go thru turbulent times. Many couples, those who truly love each other and are willing to work on their marriage, will over come hard times. I'm sure you have tried telling him how you feel? Could you guys leave the kids With someone and take a vacation and "re-spark" your marriage?
In addition, many couples also make the mistake of putting the kids first. Sure, they are a lot of work and require constant attention but the marriage should always come first and then the kids. If you do not have a good marriage you cannot have a good home and environment for the kids right?
Have you tried counselling? Speaking to a close family member or friend?
Pray a lot for God to guide you and give you wisdom and courage.
javypeds,
Florida
:->
http://360.yahoo.com/javypeds
2007-01-07 00:42:31 · answer #3 · answered by nowhere 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he's tired - maybe he needs vitamins. Maybe you need to try the cuddling. Turn the damn TV off and talk. Maybe you should be in the middle of the stuff with the kids....and quit being so resentful about things. Try a pillow fight with everyone involved. That gets the family togetherness started and conversation.
2007-01-07 00:36:24 · answer #4 · answered by megan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Chatter, It's time for you and hubby to have some serious conversations. You have concerns about the state of your marriage. Tell him this. If he is inclined to discount your concerns, ask him if he feels supported by you? No matter his answer, point out that you do not feel supported by him. If you don't feel his support, something is missing in the marriage. This suggests counseling/therapy. For both of you. Together. There are professionals who deal with married couples and their issues. Talk to them. Get help. Good luck.
2007-01-07 00:33:28 · answer #5 · answered by judgebill 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well maybe if hes willing take him out oneday, men no offence. are like kid in a bigger person bodies Im not saying taslk to him like one but do things for him like hes one and than askes question about things that need to be done or if he see that someone else knowest your a good women not say to cheat but just look really cute one day and let him some how knowest that other man or checking you out he should wake up if not girl do what he does than dont stress your self women are goddess of this earth love your self..
2007-01-07 00:35:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is probably just very tired. Plan a special event for the two of you. A suprise to him. have the kids away for the weekend or go somewhere yourselves. A romantic getaway would do you both good.
2007-01-07 00:32:18 · answer #7 · answered by surfer_grl_ca 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is tired..im sure u r too, u work hard. allow the kids to sleep at their aunts/uncles for the weekend, and plan a special weekend for u and ur husband. good luck
2007-01-07 01:29:21 · answer #8 · answered by uzair2987 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm. Well maybe you should ask him if he still loves you?
Does he show any attention to you at all?
It can't be that he's too tired because then he wouldn't play with the kids.
2007-01-07 00:31:42 · answer #9 · answered by ___________ 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I guess you have to seek family counseling. It helped my husband and me. Good luck
2007-01-07 00:37:51 · answer #10 · answered by SP 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋