Something just isn't right!?

Question

I've been married for two years now.
Little by little I'm seeing a side of my husband that I never knew existed.
The first few months he doted on me in 'little' ways.
Going out to dinner, buying me some new clothes Etc.
But if I ask for something that costs $1000 or more (like new carpet) he says he'll think about it. Our carpet is falling apart,
and is all matted looking. We had it cleaned but didn't help much.
Before the carpet I asked him if we could get a cover put on our back porch, which would cost $800, so we could sit out there
in the evening.
The reason I'm saying this is, we do have money, and he's just spent $23,000 on a new tractor, a month later he spent $8,000
on a new riding mower, and this week he spent $5,000 to have our pond cleaned out and a ledge built around it.
I quit working a year ago because he wanted me to, now I wish I hadn't.
I really feel like he considers the money he makes 'as his' and puts all his wants and needs first.

Answer 1

You need to get all this out in the open. There is no point trying to guess what's on his mind. You need to have a clear understanding of how he thinks the money system will work in your house. If you and he don't agree, work on a compromise that will be satisfactory to both of you. If he is unwilling to compromise, you will have learned alot about your husband and will really need to consider how you see your future with him.

Answer 2

Yep, it does sound like he sees the money as his. Just getting him to buy a new carpet isn't going to solve the problem, because he will feel like he did you a favor.

I think you ought to be upset, not because he bought the tractor, or the riding mower, or had the pond cleaned, but because he did these things without consulting you first.

I really think that is something people ought to discuss before they get married.

Like it or not, when it comes to money, he is the boss. That is the status quo. That is how he wants to keep it.

How badly do you want to change this? Are you willing to jeopardize your marriage? If not, I'm afraid he is holding all the cards.

I'm not saying you have to file for divorce, but you may have to initiate a little war, perhaps by going on strike for awhile. If you go that route, he is likely to retaliate in some way. Do your best to anticipate his response, and be ready to counter it.

Answer 3

let him read this... then if he doesnt get nicer AFTER knowing how you feel, then youll know he doesnt care HOW you feel and you will have no guilt in leaving him

Answer 4

its a dumb ? but have you talked to him about it - like part where you said that you think that he considers its 'his' money? maybe he doesnt realize thats what he is doing. another point might be, go find and job and tell him that your going to work bc you need money for things around the house like a new carpet and other necessities that will make you happy, and when he offers to go out to eat or buy you clothes tell him you'd rather save it up for the carpet.. even set up an account in the bank for things you want so he can give you that 50$ that was going to be used for dinner and it can be saved up for the porch cover. But the main ? isnt that you want a carpet or a porch cover, its that you feel like he thinks its 'his' money - its something that you guys need to talk about.. and bring up the carpet thing... and your right, he wanted a tractor bc it was his need/want. well you guys are married now, you have to share everything including his money and both yours and his wants/needs- hope i helped a lil

Answer 5

Hi Jewels, this is Jules------------------------
I have the same problem!!!!!!!!!!!!
SAME circumstances and my Husband----------he buys what he wants and it costs whatever, then when we need something that's alot $$$ wise AND NEED, he says, "Yeh, Yeh", and it's forgotten!

It's terrible you quit your job! I think you needed the job for yourself, and it gets you out! Maybe HE wants the "Upper hand", like to be in control of the Finances!


Ask him, What up!!!!!!!!!!!


The only difference is, my Husband makes good money and he wants me to work, AND expects me to chip in with what little I make! I have to work, or I'd go crazy!
But, I'm trying to save with my checks., ya know, a "Nest Egg."

Well, the best to you!
Ask your guy what about your needs?

Answer 6

Tell him that everytime he needs some bed loving he needs to buy the things that you wanted for the house first, like the carpet.... good luck!!

Answer 7

Sounds like he needs to get his priorities in order. No offense, but I would like to hear his side of this story. Now about the "his" part, that is total "BS." The money that goes into your home belongs to the BOTH of you, regardless of who earns it or who makes more.

A marriage is about "we," not 'I" ans selfishness, sooner or later, WILL destroy a marriage.

javypeds,
Florida
:->
http://360.yahoo.com/javypeds

Answer 8

Go out and get a new job, then you can control your own money. Don't let anyone control you. Start carpet shopping NOW.....

Answer 9

If you have the money, go buy it anyways. Or go back to working. Something that will shake him. I would bet he still loves you just the same, he's just being complacent. Guys get like that.

Answer 10

Go back to work, if it will make you feel better.
Buy the carpet yourself regardless what he says. If he can buy all of that stuff, you can buy carpet.