I think this other woman on Myspace is pursuing my husband. I have confronted them both. Now what?

Question

I have asked a couple of questions about this subject, but there are new develpments. I logged onto my husbands myspace account (call it women intuition telling me to) and I saw messages between him and a woman he went to school with. They were both basically telling each other how unhappily married they were, he told her I was a complete bit*h and she was saying that she didn't want to be with her husband anymore. She has sent him a survey and in some of the questions, he gave answers that were very hurtful to me, saying that getting married was a mistake, and telling her she was hot. I was crushed. I couldn't even concentrate at work because I was so hurt. I finally confronted him, and he claims it was innocent conversation and that he will not talk to her anymore. I also sent a message to her, basically telling her what I told him, that I felt that their conversations were inappropriate and that they needed to be confiding in their spouses, not in each other. She sent me one back...

telling me she could see why he said I was a bit*h, and saying that they were friends and basically that they could talk if they wanted to. Well, of course I did respond to her, and wasn't very nice that time. I logged onto his account, and guess what. Little Miss Homewrecker had forwarded my message to him and also hers to me. I sent her one from his account letting her know that her attempt to get me in trouble wouldn't work, cause I had already told him I wrote to her and what I had said.

I know that they have not done anything physical, but my problem with their conversations is that, I feel when you take 2 people of the opposite sex, who are both trashing their spouses and saying how unhappily married they are, and where the man has called the woman hot and where she responded "Oh, how sweet! You think I'm hot!', well that has just opened a door to a potential affair. I know many people who have been cheated on, or have been the cheater and they all say that it started out innocent. He appologized and said that he wouldn't talk to her anymore and claims to want to work out our problems, but this woman seems to be determined to cause crap between us, that was evident by her forwarding those messages to him. I am really tempted to forward all the stuff she said about her husband to him. Petty I know, but I am really hurt and ticked off.

By the way, we are in our early 30's, and I stupidly thought myspace was just a fun, innocent way to chat with old buddies. I guess I was wrong about that part. And I snooped, because he had given me reasons to suspect that his conversations with the women on his friend list were not as innocent as he made them out to be. I'm not going to get into those reasons here, but trust me, my women intuition was buzzing and I can see now it was right.

I sorta feel to blame for this, because I started the myspace crap. A friend told me that I could locate old highschool friends, and I had wondered what had happened to some of the girls I was friends with in school. My activity on there has been completely innocent, basically catching up with old girlfriends. I really, nievly, thought that was what he would do, catch up with old guy buddies. Yes, we have had marriage problems, and have been trying to work them out. We have a daughter and I do love him, so I do not want to just say screw this and leave, so that is why I have stayed. I do know who her husband is on her profile, cause she mentioned it in one of the conversations with my husband, so I know I could easily forward this stuff to him, but part of me thinks I would just be lowering myself to her level. I am just really destroyed to hear the things he told this other woman about me.

BUTTERFLY: THANK YOU!!!!!!

I NEEDED TO HEAR ANOTHER WOMAN BACKING ME UP. I FEEL A LITTLE BETTER NOW.

Answer 1

silly MySpace!!! how old are u 20?

40 minutes later:
Is she still pursuing your husband?

Answer 2

Girl.. I had almost the same problem a couple months ago. My husband went to a party I did not attend, about a week later I see that me has a new female friend on his myspace (which is rare since he hardly uses myspace) that woman intution came along and I went in his acount (in which he had changed the password but I ended up getting it from his email) and I see they had been replying messages to eachother, flirtatious stuff like "Did I ever tell you are the coolest girl I've met in a long time" and from her part there where too many LOL's in her message saying that her name was "..mmmmmmm" after you taste something very delicious. I WAS FURIOUS and I sent her a message saying the same you said that I didnt appretiate her writing him like this and that he would hear it from me. She had the nerve to get smart ith me! I was so hurt by this, I even left with my son for a week. We worked it out though, and you certainly have plenty of reason to be mad and hurt.

My personal opinion is that if I where that womans husband, I'd like to know my wife is going around flirting online with other peoples husbands. I think I'd end up doing it, not to get back at her, but to show her husband hat kind of wife he really has. Good luck in your marriage and in whatever you decide to do.

Answer 3

Is what he said about you true? Does he really feel that way?


If you give him plenty of attention and you've been a caring, loving wife, he's just a jerk.

I just wonder if he enjoyed the attention from her so he exaggerated the story of his life a bit too much...otherwise...you need to do more than you have been..men will go elsewhere if the aren't getting what they need at home!

My Space is not a place for married men to be chatting, it's ridiculous. No matter what...you do not deserve this treatment!

I hope you don't have any children with this BOY. He needs to grow up and stop playing the victim. Cancel his online accounts...if he's doing things like this...what's he doing that you don't know about yet?

Be suspicious....if he doesn't quit corresponding with her, and you have no children with him...he'll have to go. This behavior is the equivelant of an affair, it's uncalled for.

If he's apologetic and truly cut all ties with her...move on...just know that you've married a BOY.

Answer 4

You did have a right to snoop call it instinct. Don't let anybody try and make you feel bad for doing such a thing just think if you wouldn't have snooped you would be walking around your house right now looking like a fool having no clue at all what's going on. I think your husband is a jerk for treating you like that trash talking you for no reason. I wouldn't believe him if he says he won't talk to this chick anymore chances are he will. If he's unhappy he's unhappy what more can you do. You cannot bend over backwards and keep trying to please someone when they're still not satisfied. Tell your husband to have her if he wants to and i would tell HER hubby as well. So what if you get called a ''nark'' role reversal would you like it if someone knew your husband was cheating and said nothing to you. I hope you do the right thing and hope you find someone that isn't going to treat you like that.

Answer 5

oh yes i w ould forward those notes to her husband and give her a taste of her own medicine. Your husband has hurt you badly and shaken your trust to the core.Emotional intimacy like that belongs to your mate. He is going to have to choice, what is important to him. His family who are real or his imagination? He doesn't know what kind of nuts are out thereeeeee! You guys have a child together. You will always be in each others life for that fact. You need to both go to some counseling ! He needs to shut his little chats to the opposite sex down. Romance him and recapture the love. Men love attention. Tell him how hot you think he still is. Ask without getting offensive What are getting there that you are not getting at home? dress up for him smell nice, Treat him like you were dating him. He will turn that stupid computer off, fight fire with fire. Listen to Loretta Lynn's old song! you ain't woman enough to take my man. Women like he r are a dime a dozen! cheap trash that no one could ever trust~ God bless and fight for your marriage wisely!

Answer 6

I'll put it to you like this...don't bother with it. Nothing good will come from being revengeful. I am learning this now. Honestly, he is looking for something. If he is that unhappy and he willing to put your business out there, then there is no telling how far he will go. I think that counseling should be a definite option if you aren't willing to walk away. Honestly, I have a Myspace page and my soon to be ex husband had a page. His site for hooking up with chicks was Blackplanet. I know now he was cheating...Try counseling, but if you are going to be a mad woman searching for proof (like I was), LEAVE!!!

Answer 7

I think instead of focusing on this other woman and how to make her life a living hell (although telling her husband would be a good idea for the sake of him being aware of what is going on), I think you should focus more on YOU and YOUR HUSBAND- your husband is to blame for this, and believe me even if you didn't have a Myspace, he'd still have those negative feelings and thoughts still lurking in him, he'd probably have hid it better, too. I think Myspace came as a blessing to you though because it shows his true colors through an easy medium and how hurtful he is! I don't think controlling the situation would change him, I think leaving him would!

P.S. I think she is still pursuing him because she's convinced that he still wants her because of the way he communicated with her.

Answer 8

Something similar recently happened to me. I found an e-mail my husband sent to another woman. I was under the impression that he was deeply in love with me. He expressed interest in her and told her our marriage was over, which I did not know. So I left him. I am too good to be treated this bad by anyone and so are you! Don't just walk away. RUN!!!!!! This is the beginning of the end for you.

Answer 9

You did the right thing in nipping it in the bud. This is yet another reason why the other woman in an affair is often given equal blame in the relationship. I would send her one more email and let her know that yeah.. "basically" they can continue to talk but you can also let her husband in on what you know about the conversations if she chooses to continue and let him decide whether he thinks it's innocent.

Answer 10

I would strongly suggest that the both of you get into some marriage counseling. Saying horrible things about a spouse to an outsider is certainly not going to make the marriage better. I would tell your husband that his behavior is unacceptable, and you are not going to tolerate it in the marriage. Go from there.

Answer 11

And her response was??? Personally, I see no reason for a married mature individual to have a myspace page. It's a pure waste of time, and makes no sense whatsoever. I feel it's a place for young single people, if for anyone at all. With that said, and his 'apology', then I expect he will delete his page? That is what I would expect to follow. End of subject.