I still have nightmares about an abusive ex. It's been over 6 years since that all happened, I have happily remarried and moved on. I really thought I worked my issues out regarding that horrible experience, so I don't get why his memory still haunts my dreams.
In the dreams it is usually a similar scenario, he locates me where I am living and is plotting to kill me...at some point he and I are face to face and he's smiling as to not alert me that he is there to do harm and I feel compelled to act as though I do not know he has been watching me or is going to kill me because I do not want to set him off...I act casual so that I can escape the situation and plot a way to find safety. Sometimes he shoots me in the end and I die real slowly, at times I don't die, but I rarely escape him and his anger.
In real life I mistake other men for being him sometimes like in stores. And I feel this fear until I realize it is not him.
Is this normal? How long does this sort of thing usually last?
2007-01-06 15:02:05 · 18 answers · asked by Jennifer M 4 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I do not live in fear of him everyday or anything like that. I am a pretty well rounded person and one who strives to face life and deal with things in a healthy way. It's mainly my dreams that he is able to still haunt.
2007-01-06 15:13:24 · update #1
post traumatic stress disorder. medication and therapy. some think EMDR may help...
read more, here's a link:
http://panicdisorder.about.com/od/ptsd/PostTraumatic_Stress_Disorder_PTSD.htm
2007-01-06 15:03:32 · answer #1 · answered by kewtber 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's basically cos something has not been resolved with the person in your dreams and so you're not truly happy that's why you still live in fear and still have the worry of him being about. Many people have bad thoughts and stuff about a lot of experiences with people they have had and it's only natural. For instance if you were to kill someone or if you were sexually abused as a child. These kinds of experiences initiate a catalogue of nightmares and uncomfortable feelings that can haunt you for the rest of your life. It's the evil in life to destroy people's integrity.
Time does heal, but scars will remain - i wouldn't get counsellling it's a waste of time as there is no cure - the damage has been done! As a buddhist would say - just endure the suffering. But question it too as once you find answers you can cope with it better.
but i think the only time you'll ever get to understand your nightmares and this haunting is when you're much older and have more time to reflect on the good/bad things in your life and be able to realise why they occurred and why you suffered. If you're really clever you can sus them out while you're younger!
i wake up sometimes from dreams of an old relationship that still haunts me even after 12 odd years. Yes they are uncomfortable to live with but hey it's life and not all a bed of roses i'm afraid to say!
anyway good luck
2007-01-06 15:29:56 · answer #2 · answered by hillman_avenger2006 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't know the exact details of your situation, but I do know that getting over abuse takes a VERY long time. Six years is a comparatively short time when it comes to dealing with abuse, and while I know the dreams are not pleasant, I don't think you should be concerned that you're still having them. Abuse is a BIG event - presumably one that took some years out of your life, so it's going to take a big effort to deal with it, and that also means time.
I would hope that you have sought counseling to help you deal with the abuse you have suffered. If you have not, I firmly believe that you should. If you can't afford it, there are many agencies that can help - not only governmental, but religious organizations and universities often offer low- or no-cost counseling services. If you've been through counseling before, you might consider returning for more "work;" some things happen in stages, and counseling to get through THIS stage of your recovery could be helpful.
Good luck; my thoughts are with you.
2007-01-06 15:18:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have a healthy fear of danger.
6 years is a long time to have nightmares but isn't uncommon.
Fear is generated by the primitive brain. Until you can convince it that you are safe from harm the dreams will continue.
Get professional help.
Dwelling on these dreams is what's unhealthy. Focus on today's world. Smile. Let your mind dwell on good things from today. Look for good things and keep thinking and daydreaming about pleasant experiences.
Ignore morbid ideas.
Your life what you think it is.
Be an optimist. Describe the real world to yourself honestly, but emphasize the good.
Every optimist uses this method. It makes life truly enjoyable.
2007-01-06 15:16:53 · answer #4 · answered by T K 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm surprised you couldn't identify this man as a loser before you let him violate you intimately, but if you want him to stay away from you - look into your state's stalking laws and get a restraining order against him. If he violates a restraining order (Call your local police station to do this) it's likely the police will be able to address your concerns and questions. You didn't specify what state you live in so I can't provide you with links and phone numbers to the police in your local area, but I'm sure you can now that you now what to do. Better luck with men next time, but please stop having babies. You have the 'liberty' to close your legs and keep them closed; at least until you can identify that the person you are in an intimate relationship with is sane. Usually you don't get intimate with someone until they've earned your trust; beware of players and fakers. There is a saying (that only players say), "Don't hate the player, hate the game."
2016-03-29 00:26:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
q1: your thoughts
q2: because you let yourself think that way.
it is normal though. but do you really want that always at the back of your head? this sort of thing lasts until you don't want it to. it's a matter of choice dear. you have the nightmare, you don't let it get to you.
it's all a state of mind. you could simply let it go when you choose to let it go. then the nightmares wouldn't matter anymore. yknow after breakfast and coffee, it's a new day.
don't let fear control you. listen what your soul tells you, not your feelings for feelings can be thoughts so strong, but listen from deep within. you'll hear yourself being happy, you simply have to hear it. then your mind goes with it. "think outside of the box" so to speak. step out of your mind for a second, and look at it.
2007-01-06 15:20:22 · answer #6 · answered by boohoo 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Post traumatic stress syndrome: you don't have to be in a war to get it you went through some traumatic events talk to a doctor to prescribe you some anti-anxiety pills and maybe talking to a counselor on how to deal with these feeling may help. Good luck
2007-01-06 15:06:39 · answer #7 · answered by kissybertha 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You really need to get therapy, you have a fear that you are letting control your life. See if there is a support group for abuse victims. You need to take control of your life and control this fear. You have my sympathy, it's not easy to get your life in order after something like that. Good Luck.
2007-01-06 15:07:04 · answer #8 · answered by Virginia C 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would definently suggest seeing a therepist. Keep in mind that this can be completely normal and you are not alone. I had a similar experience with witnessing a naked man in public in 5th grade. We reported it and the police got involved. I still have nightmares about him coming in my room at night
2007-01-06 15:30:48 · answer #9 · answered by SML594 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's a classic case of post traumatic stress disorder. It would be a good idea for you to get some counseling. If you can't afford a private counselor, contact your local MHMR.
2007-01-06 15:04:10 · answer #10 · answered by texascrazyhorse 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is Post Tramautic Stress Disorder and you should see a doctor. It is very treatable. Good Luck.
2007-01-06 15:09:25 · answer #11 · answered by Christine L W 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋