I just recently moved in with my boyfriend. He has a good paying job and told me that "he didn't mind paying all the bills" and I can stay home. Now he's throwing that in my face. He's because extremely verbally abusive to me calling me a B.... as well as flipping me off all in front of my 8 month old son (whom he raises and calls his). I'm very miserable with him and he's given me a low self esteem by doing this. I can't move out because I've signed a year lease (but if it turns into physical abuse I'm gone) with him. I don't want my son to be raised with me being miserable and with "daddy always making mommy upset". I'm just looking for ways to make this situation better. I'm afraid to ask him to go to anger management. He'll reverse the situation on me and tell me that I'm the one that needs it. He does that in every conversation that we have. I just need help and my friends aren't giving me the answers that I'm needing.
2007-01-06 14:57:01 · 23 answers · asked by Cali Hottie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
LISTEN AND LISTEN WELL You have to get OUT while the getting is good. I went through this, and my husband almost killed me 3 different times, and I kept going back for what I see it now as more. And the kids do suffer mine did, YES verbal turns into physical. And the longer you stay the more dependent on him he will make you until he breaks your spirit down and he knows he has the control then he will beat you and what is worse just wait until your child gets a little bigger, then he will be your mans next and biggest victim. And he will mess your child's head up and abuse him too. GET OUT FOR NOT ONLY YOU BUT FOR THE CHILD!!!!!!!!! call your local abuse hot line and it is confidential and they can help you legally, and with a home and all the essentials even if you don't work there is help out there I had to do it and I did not work either. By the way my husband committed suicide, and before he did that he beat his own father to death, if I would have been there he would have done me and the kids in. Get some advice from the domestic abuse shelter in your town, they will help you to see what you are going through, please for you and the sake of your child. If you don't do something about it now then you will be held responsible for what ever happens to your child.
SINCERELY,
Formerly Abused
2007-01-06 15:13:57 · answer #1 · answered by kachine 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
"The answer that you're needing" is probably that he will get better and change. Well, he won't. He is ingraining it into your mind that you are inferior to him and that you can't get along without him. YES, it could lead to physical abuse, but why wait? Do you want your child exposed to a situation like that? My father was this way, combined with slapping my mom, sister and I around from time to time and being extremely threatening, and it all started with verbally abusing my mother. I grew up in mortal terror and my mother has permanent guilt for not leaving him (he ran off with his boss about a year and a half ago and left us all the bills, the broken-down house, and the unreliable car). He's already succeeded in making you afraid of him; don't let him succeed in doing the same thing to your son. Do what needs to be done and get yourself and you child out of a dangerous situation.
2007-01-06 15:05:58 · answer #2 · answered by Cat Loves Her Sabres 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can bet that verbal abuse and physical abuse go hand in hand. A slap or a punch is right around the corner so you have to get yourself out of this situation as soon as you can. And think how your son would be affected if he has to grow up in this type of enviorment. It will have a very negative affect on him coming up and he may even think it's ok to abuse women when he gets older if he constantly sees it growing up. No relationship is worth it, no matter how much you care about the person. You have to care about your son and yourself first, and you deserve better that to be called names and to be someone's punching bag. And don't waste your time trying anger management with this jerk, he is an abuser, and abusers will always make you think that you are the problem instead of them. They rarely admit any wrong doing. As far as the lease you signed goes, maybe you can talk to you landlord and explain the situation to him/her and maybe they'll let you out of it. I know it's a small chance, but it's worth a try. You don't want to end up a statistic of domestic violence and you want to be around for your son. My Aunt was not so fortunate, she started out in a similar situation as you, with my Uncle verbally abusing her and eventually killing her. Yes, you read it right. He shot her after years of abuse, verbal and physical. She did not want to leave because of the kids, but it became to late for her, don't make the same mistake, get out while you can.
2007-01-06 15:29:02 · answer #3 · answered by Pancho 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Verbal abuse is in my opinion much more damaging than physical abuse.( physical heals,mental and verbal stay burned into your subconcious) You must make a desission and make it soon, what is more important,a lease? Or the well being of yourself and son? Kids will learn and grow with what they are exposed to in life.You and your son have a right to be happy and it is your responsability to provide that for him and yourself.There are lots of help groups out there in this day and age,and if your boyfriend does not want to listen to your needs then I would move on with the next level of your life.Which should be happiness.He should be carring and gentle with his words to you.
2007-01-06 15:22:12 · answer #4 · answered by bigm401 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is only the beginning kiddo! Get out now. He said you could "stay home" so he can control your every move, right down to the money you spend...it is just a matter of time before he starts to hit you and then move on to your son...you have to get out while you still can. Yes, he needs help and maybe after he has gotten his help you can have a healthy relationship with him but until then you and your son are not SAFE! Think of your child...he must come first...get out! I wish you all the best!
2007-01-06 15:16:00 · answer #5 · answered by evieluvsu 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sticking around and letting your child hear and see this would be a costly mistake...you think because the baby is young that he won't pick up on this behavior...WRONG!! Does money mean more than possibly your life? It's just gonna get worse...your first clue SHOULD have been staying at home. He's a control freak who will morf into beating both you and your son GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE TONIGHT! DON'T WAIT ANOTHER SECOND!!
2007-01-06 17:17:29 · answer #6 · answered by KayKay 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My experience has been that it doesn't get better from here. It usually only gets worse. If you are not being treated the way you should be (especially in front of your child) then I would advise you to consider leaving. My ex was the same way and I had hoped and prayed that it would get better. Instead of doing so, I eventually wound up in the hospital and he in jail. Do yourself and your child a favor and move on. Become self supportive and find the happiness you deserve. You do deserve better!
2007-01-06 15:03:34 · answer #7 · answered by swtz69drmz 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not always...but this is the primary indicator in a relationship that physical abuse is a strong possibility. Save yourself and your child and get out now. Even if this doesn't lead to physical abuse, it is obviously affecting you...you mentioned self-esteem problems. Do you really want your child exposed to that kind of environment?
2007-01-06 15:02:05 · answer #8 · answered by shortgrass77 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
forget the lease and get as far away from him as you can get.
he sounds like a real @sshole. and yes.....i've been around enough abuse to know that verbal will turn to physical and THINK ABOUT THIS---- what if he abuses your son? do you really want to wait til he does? if he gets angry and hits him or shakes him you could go to jail too because you knew the way he was and didn't do anything to stop the b@stard.
2007-01-06 15:04:23 · answer #9 · answered by angel1 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
listen to all the advise these people are giving you -and let me add that almost all physical abuse starts out as verbal abuse. he sounds like he might have a sociopathic personality. it will get harder on you as he slowly wears away your will and strength. he will soon probably try to isolate you from any friends or family. get away while you still have the mental capacity to do it.people like him are not "mean" they are sick,and wont change. any acts of tenderness are temporary,and dont mean that he cares about you, at least not in a healthy way.please leave
2007-01-06 16:27:05 · answer #10 · answered by DEBI M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋