What should I do?

Question

Ok this is kind of long so read at your own risk. I am a married 25 with 2 children, 2 different mothers. I don’t really get along with my wife’s family besides maybe a handful of people. It all started when me and wife got into a fight and her parents took her side and told me to leave their daughter alone, I was like hello jerky's I am married to your daughter how can I leave her alone? Its really awkward because at certain events I don’t go with my wife and child to lets say their family BBQ because well I don’t get along with the other half that will be there. Now today I had a little argument with my wife bcuz she almost got into the accident for being on the phone and driving. So when we get home I am like what is wrong with you, she tells me Oh you yell at me and don’t know how to talk to me, no wonder my family thinks your a jerk. I was like...hmm could it be that my wife tells her every little fight we have and telling her family one side of the story? What should I do or say?

Answer 1

It's counseling time! It sounds as though she has difficulty breaking away from the family, and you have resentments because she is still so close to them. Both of you are adults; whatever the problems are between you should stay between you. There also sounds like some communication issues, and I can't stress enough that communication is one of the main keys to a marriage surviving. In the worst-case scenario, take the time to talk to her father. Calmly. Rationally. Just be blunt and say, "Sir, I truly love your daughter, and I want the very best for her. I've noticed that you have some reservations about me. Could I ask why?" and truly, genuinely listen. Don't interrupt. Try not to get mad. He may have some genuine concerns, and you have to see his perspective--that's his child, his daughter. He wants the best for her. And if you talk to him, man to man, with respect, he may respect you more for it. Go to the occasional family event. Be polite. Bring a gift. Be kind. If they're still jerks, at least you tried, and she will see it. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 2

Yes, your wife most likely tells her family most of the problems that you guys have and almost none of the great wonderful things that you do for her. Her family probably thinks you are the worst husband ever... But I'm sure that you have someone with which you do the same.

Her family probably understands that they only hear the bad, but they probably agree with her because they are her family and that's what family is supposed to do.

As far as the fight: Apologize for yelling at her and tell her that you were just concerned that she could get hurt if she had an accident. Tell her that you're sorry that you don't always say things in the nicest way and you don't mean to yell. Also tell her that the things you do yell at her about is because you love her not because you are mad at her.

Women don't like to be yelled at, and men don't like to be questioned about their statements. But a little love goes a long way. If you make her feel better, you'll get a lot in return.

Answer 3

Your wife's parents are always going to be on her side, but if they had any respect for you and your marriage, they shouldn't be saying anything about "leaving her alone" to you unless you were abusing your wife in some way and they felt the need to intervene.

Most likely your wife is going back to her family and telling them every single fight you guys have, every single thing you say that hurts her feelings, etc.... Or her family could be basing their opinion on the fact that you choose not to socialize with them. If possible I would try to grit your teeth and go to the family functions, do your best to be polite, etc.

Families are a tricky part of marriage.....good luck!

Answer 4

I think your wife needs to learn to respect the privacy of your marriage. NO ONE needs to know what you fight about. If she is telling people negative things about you they are forming a negative opinion of you. Why would she want people to think you are a bad guy?

I personally think that a wife should honor her husband. I love my husband very much and aside from a single close friend, I don't speak badly of him EVER. Your wife needs to learn that she is creating the problem with your family.

Last thing, when you are around her family be EXTRA sweet and attentive to her. This will create some confusion in thier minds.

Answer 5

First be the bigger person at the family outings. Just put on that happy face and show them you arent a jerk. Second go out and get your wife a blue tooth (hands free device for cell phones) and say im sorry I yelled the other day i just worry about you and the kids you guys are my whole life. Use that last part for sure it will get her. And then she will feel stupid. And it shows her that you were thinking of her.

Answer 6

Woooo!!! big mistake my friend. You actually said, "What is wrong with you?" You need to choose your words carefully. Women are very sensitive and need to be care for like a rose. Ok, it's her fault that she was on the cell phone and almost got in an accident. Don't tell me you have not done anything stupid in your life time. We are have. Your approach should be: Are you ok? I was so scare for you, I love you so much I don't want anything happen to you. Buy her a rose once in awhile, leave her love notes. Take her out for lunch or make a picnic baket and have lunch in the park, etc. I think if you change your attitude, your wife and your in-laws would love you to death. You need to change because you want to but not act it out. Do it for yourself and your future. You probably don't believe me but look at it this way. How would you like someone to treat your daughter that way? Take care and good luck.

Answer 7

You should apologize to your wife first. Even if shes in the wrong, you have to be the bigger person . Talk about why you were mad and have her open up to you about her feelings also, Listen to her, try not to point fingers. Then tell her how u feel about her family and how they treat you. Remind her that once your husband and wife, you come first. The family should just be there to help not to hurt. If she really wants to make it work , she'll agree. But remember don't down her family, they are important to her. P.S. have this talk while the kids are in bed, and TVs are off. ( No Distractions)

Answer 8

Step back for a moment and check your tone of voice. If you raise your voice at your wife more often than not, perhaps this is the problem. Your wife is your equal not a child, so do not treat her like one. This will help you more than ever, even if you are fighting.

Answer 9

Well, DUH!
Do you really think princess is telling both sides of any story to your in-laws? You are ALL acting like jack-@sses. Start going to the Bar-B-Ques and family gatherings again. You don't have to socialize -- you don't even have to like them but your presence represents your MARRIAGE to the little princess. If they step out of line at least she will have to choose what side she is really on in front of her parents. If she chooses them -- well you needed to find out anyway; if she chooses to stand by her husband then maybe the in-laws will call a truce.

Answer 10

Do you honestly think that your wife's family is going to take your side even if your wife didn't tell them every little thing? Also, if she does tell them about every little fight...it's immature.