Okay, so here's the story. "billy" and i have been dating for several years now, almost four years. four years next week. we are very much in love. i think he might propose soon! =] i am twenty six, and so is "billy". everything's great, except for my family! i'm hawaiin, i was born there, and at seven, my family and i moved to the mainland. billy, is not hawaiin. my family very much wanted me to marry a hawaiin, they even had one picked out for me!!! well, needless to say, they weren't happy when they found out who i was dating. they harass him endlessly, they don't invite him to family occasions! now they're even shunning ME. i don't know what to do! i'm very close with my family, and i don't want to hurt them or dishonor our name. and yet- i love billy with all my heart and want to live out the rest of my life with him. i'm so confused and hurt. what should i do? i need help desperately!
-please help!!!
2007-01-06 14:15:13 · 11 answers · asked by hawaii_chick 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
this is a difficult situation and i'm sorry you're going through this!!!
okay, i think the first thing you need to do is sit down with your parents and talk to them. they need to understand that you love them very much, but you also love billy. you need to tell them that you would never purposely hurt them, but they need to understand you can make your own decisions now. especially this one. if they chose a guy for you, then you would have to LIVE with this guy for the rest of your life, and what if you didn't like him? ask your parents if they would want you to be unhappy. this is a big deal, and they need to know that billy is the ONE.
it may take a while for them to come to accept him, but you need to tell them that he's your boyfriend and that's that.
as someone said earlier- you're marrying billy, not your parents!
good lucky- i really and truly hope things work out for you and billy =]
2007-01-07 06:43:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you're in a bind. But I guess it's nothing new to you because you've been dating for almost four years. You say you don't want to dishonor your parents and that you are very close. I believe in love. I also believe in family. I think I'd try calling a family meeting with mom and dad. Telling them how much you love this person, how good he is to you, and that you want to spend your life with him. But that it breaks your heart that they don't approve. Ask them to reconsider. Ask if there is anything you or Billie can do to change their minds. I would say it is possible your parents will change their feelings...but maybe not. So you have a tough decision to make. Do I love him enough to lose my family? At least in the short term. If you can answer yes, then you move forward with Billie. Really, living on the mainland now, even if you aren't with Billie, chances are you will be with someone who is not Hawaiin....that's the fact Jack. Sounds like your folks have some other reasons for not liking Billie. Try to find out what those reasons are and see what you can do about them.
2007-01-06 14:25:39 · answer #2 · answered by Maggie D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We have a great family, what you need is a new family. We have a foster daughter that came and lived with us a year. She had a thoroughly dysfunctional family, alcoholic father, abused mother, domineering brother. Her shrink says that we are really her family even through we never had her long she learned what a really family is like and is trying very hard to break the cycle in her own family life. So find a friends family and ask to be 'adopted' since your own family makes you miserable. A happy family will gladly take you in and make you one of their own.
2016-05-23 01:33:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My God, you are describing my wife's parents!
They are from CUBA. They wanted their two daughters to marry someone who is Cuban. BOTH did not. BOTH married Americans.
Both daughters had to decide; do I stay loyal to my husband, or loyal to my parents. Both daughters picked their HUSBANDS. So the parents will have nothing to do with either daughter.
Thank God their brother married a Cuban girl. Now get this; the brother was born in the USA. The girl was born in the USA. Her parents were born in New York, but the GRANDPARENTS were born in Cuba. So that makes the brother, and his wife - CUBAN.
So they spend all the time with the brother, his wife, and their CUBAN daughter (who was also born in the USA), and no time with my wife, our son, and my wife's sister's two children.
Forget the husbands. We do not even exist.
The only person who is dishonoring their name is your parents.
You need to wake up to their guilt trips and mind games. They are only hurting themselves by doing these things to you. If you do not, they will pull you down to where you are sick all the time.
My wife and her sister said NO to that a long time ago...
You are marrying Billy, not your parents.
2007-01-06 14:23:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you Allowing them to ruin your life? You can love, marry anyone you want. Many parents wants their children to marry the same faith, race.....- but in the end, and for always YOU need to be happy with your choice. If "billy" is as crazy about you- you can say to your parents that it is NOT my intention to make you unhappy, but Billy and I love each other very, very much, and want to spend our lives together in happiness! Can't you try to be happy for me. I am my own person, no one owns me!
2007-01-06 14:21:52 · answer #5 · answered by regwoman123 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been dating a mexican for over 2 years and I am American Indian and my grandma isn't happy about that at all. She dosen't like me either because of the race I am. She never talks to me or anything. I showed up for Christmas 2 years ago and she told me she didn't expect me to be there. Just ignore them and start your own family and be happy!
2007-01-06 14:19:40 · answer #6 · answered by morgan_loves_polina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're going to have to make a major decision about what kind of life you want.
Our families are very important and their opinion matters and should be considered.but in the end this is up to you.
2007-01-06 14:19:41 · answer #7 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you really like billy, and if he's going to purpose! MARRY HIM! YOur parents will have to understand that u are an adult and you make your decisions. if your parents luv u they will come to the wedding! your parents will have accept your relationship with billy.
2007-01-06 14:21:46 · answer #8 · answered by Roxxy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well ur family doesnt have a right to pick who u luv but then again both ur family and billy r important to u. u dont wunna lose billy.... talk to ur family.... u cant just lose the luv of ur lyf cuz of ur family.... have a talk with them... have them understand ur situation and let them get to know ur situation.. put them in ur place.
2007-01-06 14:22:41 · answer #9 · answered by dementor012 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should live your life for you and no one else, they will come around someday if they love you and I'm sure they do so no matter who it hurts go and be happy life is to short good luck
2007-01-06 14:22:53 · answer #10 · answered by B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋