we had a fight and he said some things so did I , soon after we apologized and I thought that was that. But he didn't come up to bed, instead he is in the basement , where he had decided to stay until we can return to respecting eachother again. The problem is that everyday he looks misrable and down. when it is time to go to bed he announces his departure to the basement once again. I get the feeling tht he wants me to go to him and kinda give into him. but I am afraid I will be training him to continoue is bad habits or anger and aggression with me. what to do???
2007-01-06 14:01:48 · 18 answers · asked by m & m 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
"I get the feeling tht he wants me to go to him and kinda give into him. but I am afraid I will be training him to continoue is bad habits or anger and aggression with me. what to do???"
First off, he is a grown man not a dog or kid. You should not be concerned about "training him"! I think one of the things women haven't seemed to figure out yet that would make there lives sooooo much easier is that men have this thing called an EGO and it needs to be stroked once in a while. Sometimes you have to be the bigger person and "give in" to him to show him that you REALLY care. He may be stubborn like a lot of guys and by you not coming down to the basement to show that no matter what you want to be with him instead of sleeping apart, you are just adding to his heartache.
By no means am I saying that the way men are is right, actually it is more like nature hardwired into our tiny brains.
Men know all about swallowing pride to get to the make-up sex. Some of us try to live by the little saying "happy wife, happy life."
This time it's your turn.
2007-01-06 23:42:56 · answer #1 · answered by TheGr81 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since this is just your side of the story of what happened between you and your husband, I am not sure what to say.
I would have to add this, I think he is having a hard time forgiving you even though he already apologized. It could be that he is tired of you both arguing if it has happened many times before. Who always starts the arguing in the first place? It could be he is going through some depression and might need further counseling. It could be many things!
I would suggest on following him down to the basement and have a talk with him, (without the arguing) and ask him what is really bothering him or do this before he goes down to the basement. If it's that bad, something must be on his mind.
And after you both talk, give him a hug and tell him you love him. If you want your marriage to work, both of you need to start acting like grown adults and start working on your marriage!
I would recommend two books called, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage". Do yourself and husband a favor, read those books! (smile)
2007-01-06 22:22:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok possibly you hurt his fragile male ego. Whatever you said was probably the truth and he knows it and is ashamed of it. The way that he is dealing with it is to ignore the problem and it will go away or that is what he thinks.
I wouldn't give in and join him down in the basement. I would however confront him, nicely, and say lets talk about what happened the other night, without fighting. This would open the door, but remember "Men are from Mars and women are from Venus" and men hide in caves until they can figure out the best way to fix a problem. If you haven't read the book, get a copy and read it. I did and it woke me up about what crap I did and what I needed to do from now on.
Good luck, and if you want to keep your marriage, then communication is the best way.
2007-01-06 22:07:36 · answer #3 · answered by Joel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think he wants you to go to him for that. Even if you did, it would only cheapen you. I think you need to take what he said seriously. I think there is a lot of depth to what he said. I think he apologized to you because he loves you and doesn't want to fight anymore. But what ever happened really affected him. Maybe he is right, maybe you do need to keep a certain amount of distance until you can start respecting each other. Maybe you should just do some soul searching and figure out why you treat each other the way you do. Even your statement; "I will be training him to continue his bad habits or anger and aggression with me" is kind of degrading to him. He has no business being aggresive with you, make no mistake about it. But he isn't a dog to be trained. Yes, we teach people how to teach us. But if the two of you can't treat each other with dignity and respect, than maybe you shouldn't be together. Maybe you should get some couples counseling. They could probably give you some valuable tools for arguing and getting your points across constructively. I wish you both the best of luck!
2007-01-06 22:11:06 · answer #4 · answered by Goddess 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
May be you should have a long talk about what is going on between the two of you. Communication is one of the main keys to a relationship. Ask him why he continues to go sleep down in the basement. Tell him how you feel exactly and how you are hurting b/c of what is going on within the relationship. Good luck. Hope things work out for the best.
2007-01-06 22:06:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When he is tired of the cold batman will eventually come out of his cave. Fights with strong emotional hold sometimes take time. If it continues for longer than a week or two, it may be time for a bit more space than jus the basement.
2007-01-06 22:25:22 · answer #6 · answered by AnGie0607 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Respect is key to alot of men, myself included. It's a two way street, and you both must respect each other. Disrespect can be a deal breaker, so it's important to the both of you not to cuss at each other or resort to name calling. I had two girlfriends who
disrspected me and I told them I would dump them if it continued.
I am very serious, I will dump someone over this issue. If you two were just dating and not married, you would probably be dumped based on what you said. Try no name calling/cussing at each other. That a good start on a respectful relationship.
2007-01-06 22:42:39 · answer #7 · answered by B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mens are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Basement is his cave and he needs to stop acting like a child. I think both of you need to apologize to each other and start loving each other again. Don't give in but you should talk to him about it on the main floor (neutral area).
2007-01-06 22:06:29 · answer #8 · answered by Paul 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As the saying goes. Never go to bed mad at each other because by the next morning it could only be worse.
So you both need to sit down and disscuss the problem and get it solved.
sure we all say things to each other that we don't mean. You both need to make up, not just one sided.
2007-01-06 22:10:04 · answer #9 · answered by lana1meyer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋