My fiance and I have been reunited together for 5yrs. He has been unable to maintain a stable job and I have been the head of the household. He does not like to be told that he does not support his family. We constintley get put out of our apts. because he can never cover his part of bills. We have two children and I try my hardest to support everyone. I am tired of being broke f/ paying his part of the bills and I'm tired of him arguing w/ me when I tell him the truth about not supporting his family. He is using the kids to try and hold me back. How do I seriously let him know that it isn't working out? How do I let him know that I plan on getting my own place? How do I leave?
2007-01-06 13:52:18 · 9 answers · asked by Kadija T 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I hope that if he were an abusive man that you would have mentioned that in your explanation of your question, so I am going to assume that he is not, because that would change my whole answer.
You have obviously tried to talk to him about getting a job, and that has failed. I am also assuming that when you say that he is using the kids to try to hold you back, you mean when you say that you and the kids are going to move out, he gets all defensive and says things like, "The kids need us as a family! Your going to tear apart our family.." Saying stuff like that to try to hold you back?
OK...You have already been around this block with him. So this is nothing new here. The only difference, is that this time your going to be serious, right? So this time, instead of just saying that your moving out, go out and get a place. You don't have to tell him what your doing, just do it. Get the bills out of your name, if you can. Transfer all the bills that you can, into your name. When it is moving day, show up with all your boxes and friends & family if you got any around there to help you, and say, "Hunny, it's been real and it's been fun. But this hasn't been real fun... I have told you of the importance of getting a job to help us out. If I'm going to do this on my own, then that's how I'm going to do this ON MY OWN....." "I wish that things could have been different. I wanted us to be a family, together. I want out kids to grow us in a place where they can see a couple working together as a team, and in agreement. This is the only plausable solution, unfortunately. This may come as a shock, but I am hoping that this will be more of an eye opened for you. Get yourself together! Be proud of who you are and what you do! Get a job! Hold one for a year, and then look me up......I'm sorry it has to be this way, but you were warned."
Leave it at that.......If you have help to move you, they can be boxing up stuff that they know is rightfully yours. If you have no help, after that last comment, put in your ear plugs and put up your blinders and stay totally focused on packing. Now, if you can do this when he is not around, and quickly get all your stuff outta there with out him knowing, that would be the way to go! Then talk to him in person when he gets home. If your not worried about him hurting you, talk to him in person as much as you can. He is use to living off you, so your leaving is going to be devestating to him. I wish you the best.....sorry it has to be like that.....
2007-01-06 14:17:31 · answer #1 · answered by frigidx 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just do it. Time will heal but you'll never make progress unless you take the first step. Do you have relatives that will help with an environment to make the kids feel safe and loved ? Friends and family stay, not always true for relationships.
2007-01-06 21:56:30 · answer #2 · answered by blake 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that he must get a job because you will put him out and you will file for child support and he may end up in jail. It would just be easier if he got a job now before it comes to that.
2007-01-06 21:57:24 · answer #3 · answered by Raven 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I used to have the same problem hun, I just got so fed to hell up with the crap,i told her get a job "keep a job" for at least two years or im to hell outta here, it worked well to I just got tired of carrying the load if yah will its not right
2007-01-06 21:56:47 · answer #4 · answered by rpoker 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him say look honey i love you but i cannot support this family all by myself.Either you get a job andstick with it or me and the kids are leaving.tell him you'll give him 2months no excuses there are all kinda temp jobs ect.find something or else.
2007-01-06 22:01:28 · answer #5 · answered by lyndee222 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You tell him what you just told all of us. You tell him the truth. He knows the truth and if he cares enough maybe he'll change one day, but for now you must look out for what is best for you and your children. Good luck!
2007-01-06 21:55:37 · answer #6 · answered by CarpeDiem 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just do it and stop talking and making things worse for him either leave be honest and start new or stay but do it now.
2007-01-06 21:56:03 · answer #7 · answered by pirateron 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him to et a job or your out
2007-01-06 21:54:20 · answer #8 · answered by john_nonya 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you read, "Codepentent No More". It will help you see your way through this.
2007-01-06 21:55:37 · answer #9 · answered by ruthie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋