How do you leave a man (common law husband of 3 years)?

Question

who uses your child to keep you with him. I want to leave my narcissistic boyfriend, I cant deal with his crap anymore. BUT he says if I leace while he is at work "see where that will get you" He says I wont get custody becuase Iam stay home mom and have no income, I am sick of this man like nothing else.
I want to get out with my child. I have no problem letting him see his child either, I just dont love him anymore, due to the violence he has done to me in the past for accusing me of cheating when I never have.
I dont love him and he is alwys complaining about how we dont have sex anymore, duh...I want out.
But he not being civil, he just threatens me with our child...What do I do?
I have a small savings, enough for a months rent.
I live in alberta.

I am not unfit eiter, I dont smoke (he does) and I dont drink or party.
plus he works out of town when he does work.

I am also being called a selfish ***** by him because I want to leave him, but being with him is not healthy or good for me.
But he makes me feel like a bad mom becuase I want to leavehim as well.

ALso if I were to move out of the province while he is away can I get into trouble with the law, I would tell him when I got there.

ALso if I were to move out of the province while he is away can I get into trouble with the law, I would tell him when I got there. He makes enough money to come visit.

Answer 1

just say thats its time

Answer 2

LEAVE. Being a stay-at home mom doesn't make you unfit; if anything, most courts are sympathetic to your situation, and will award sole custody to the mother. It takes a lot for a court to give sole custody to a father; usually the mother has to be completely unfit, such as drug or alcohol issues, mental health issues, or in jail. I would recommend you live with friends or relatives, get a restraining order, go to school (and many schools now have housing for families on campus), and move on. Get some counseling as well; this guy sounds emotionally abusive as well. The fact that he is violent...I was told by a law officer that it doesn't stop until you--or he--is dead. GET THE RESTRAINING ORDER, PLEASE!! I don't know the laws in your area, but many police departments are now enforcing these orders, because of several tragic, high-profile murders of young mothers by their partners. You can do this; don't give in to his mind-washing. Because you are a single parent, you may also be eligible for public assistance; don't be too proud to get help until you get on your feet. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 3

Move out with your child. Move into one of your family members house temporarily while you get yourself together. Obviously find a job. Seek a restraining order. Custody battle entails more than just a job. If you have police reports about his physical abuse you can use that. If you have phones tapped or wired you can use the recording of him verbally abusing you against him. You obviously want a peaceful resolution. Truth is with these type of characters it usually rarely ends with peace. Only thing you can do is exit with your child. Let time heal the rest. He'll get used to it. Be prepared and ready for anything you think he is capable of doing and set up safety measures. Ensure your child is happy and not scared of the situation. I'd recommend asking a family law attorney and also checking with your local authorities about laws pertaining to what someone like him can and can't do especially if you feel he may terrorize you or stalk you.

P.S. You will not be considerd a bad person at all by pickign up and leaving. It's not just about you but about your child. You will be much more fit and create much more of a healthier environment for your child to grow in if he/she doesnt' hve to see the crap you two go through. You'll see the difference in how you feel not being with someone like him. Trust me everything just feels better. It takes time but it's for the right reasons. Have faith in yourself and in your choices.

Answer 4

Get a job and save money then take off, No man can get custody of a child they have to really do some work and see if the mom is unfit, i would not worry about any thing just save sum money and get out and u will be a lot better. good luck and all u do.

Answer 5

He is wrong about you not getting custody...He is banking on YOU being gullible enough to beleive him and so far it's working isn't it? I suggest you take what littelyou have saved up and get a lawyer, the lawyer will be able to get you child support and may be able to help you find a part time job for the time being to pay for the rent and groceries. You need to get an education as well as stop being so gullible, it's not that attractive in a woman especially one with a child.

Answer 6

your not going to loose your child, but it may be wise of u to make some getaway plans, for one get a job, u are cheating your child if u live with an abuser.your child may even grow up to abuse his own family if this is what he sees in his role model. he is saying u won't get custody so he can keep u with him. he is brow beating u, thinks u are young and stupid,and someone he can tell anything and they will believe. but u have to be accountable and responsible for your own happiness, stop seeing yourself as a victim, be more confident, u can make it through this, do u have any one u can count on if u want to leave him until u can get on your feet? get a job, go back home, do whatever u have to to get free of him. but u have to acknowledge that your relationship with this man is over, and that this is really the end, if not u will keep going back, and keep getting abused, over and over again. just have to have some determination, and don't ever think he will change, as it is a pattern of behavior with him. just get away from him, and do whatever it takes.

Answer 7

He is trying to "buffalo" you into staying by saying these things to you. If he drives it into your head enough that you can't make it on your own, maybe you will believe it. GET OUT NOW. You can get a job and support yourself and your child. Anyone who uses a child and puts them in the middle is a RAT. They have no conscience and he does not deserve visitation rights. What kind of crap will he fill the kids head with when you aren't listening???
Steal some money from him if you have to and GO...GO....GO

Answer 8

well 4 one get out n start looking 4 a job once u have one there goes his bs about not getting custody of ur child. there r plenty of daycare available 4 the child. once ur working pack ur stuff n get an apartment. be firm n stop listinging 2 his crap. there r plenty of organizations that will help u also. look 4 womans shelters they r there 4 woman who r dealing with abusive spouses. get help

good luck

Answer 9

What a bunch of BS. If you want out then just leave and try making it on your own for a change. Your the one that's using the child as an excuse not to leave.

Answer 10

i just came out of a simular situation ,with 2 children and i had been with their father 20 yrs.this happened only 3 months ago.so i'am still coping,but if there is history of violence wether psyical,mental, or verbal you can go to casa and they will help you as they did me.he also led me to believe i couldn't take the children,but i found out that my state says the un wed mother of children born out of wedlock have sole custody unless proven un fit.if he decides to try and take you to court he'll have to pay all costs.so dont believe him,but it would be wise not to say anything about you leaving,just wait till the right opportunity,and grab whatever is important to you.and good luck.

Answer 11

get a good job first off your gonna need the income.
Get you a place reasonable you can afford and get out.
The child is yours and this is your life. Common law...well that is another boing down the road , I think it has no hold.