We have been married for 21 years, this picture was supposed to be destroyed back when we were dating. I am honestly stunned. Our marriage has been not to great for the last 5-6 years but I never expected this. I have not said anything to her about the photo because I don't know how to. I want to talk to a councilor.
2007-01-06 13:04:08 · 46 answers · asked by justme 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You going to need to talk to her and be truthful about everything.
2007-01-06 13:06:10 · answer #1 · answered by zen522 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Congratulations on those 21 years !! May you have many more!
Now, to answer your question. First, how did you find it ? Does she allow you into her purse or wallet, and was it innocently found, or snoopingly found, either way, I dont feel that her purse is off limits to a husband of 1 hour, much less 21 years, so that really doesnt matter much, how you found it.
You should ask her if it bothers you so much. Maybe she forgot it , or maybe she didnt want to let go of her youthful years, or the reminding photograph. Perhaps it is the only photo she had to keep of that person. Perhaps, you should ask her before you consider talking to a counselor about any of it. She should know that you know, and her reaction may give you more information should you need it. After 21 years, I seriously doubt it matters much, other than a memory of her youth. I have pictures of exes. They dont mean much, but just a memory of my youthful days and times. Do not take it personal, It probably isnt. A woman doesnt spend 21 years with a man for no reason. Cheer up, and please dont overreact. It will work out.
Come back on and let us all know how things went !!
2007-01-06 13:26:59 · answer #2 · answered by fivefootnuttinhuny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear this... it probably means little to her. But this is a bit of a no-no from an ethical point of view... and what were you doing in her wallet???
if you had her approval i would bring it up right away. but in a loving caring way. Maybe you should pose for her. Do you have a camera? I am sorry for trying to be cutesie... a counselor is a good idea.
I think your marriage is most important and that she is really the one you love... she must love you dearly also... your hurt is natural. confronting her in a mean spirited way will do nothing to help either of you. She is only human and we all have flaws and do things that are wrong... accept that. Let her know she is your world. Maybe remember the things you did for her in the beginning and rekindle the old ways. A photo like this in the hands of a woman is probably for the reminiscing of youth... not the desire you, as a man, may think it is. tell her you love her and want to begin together in love and committment. Love is often always decision we make, in reality. The time together deserves to be respected also. I think I would talk with her, and forget about it- and love her, flaws and all. I am not an expert tho- a councelor or better yet a church pastor might be able to help you and both of you together if needed. A pastor has heard it all and truly can be beneficial wise and honest.... a councelor does not always have your best interest as you are their income. Also pray for wisdom and blessing on your troubled relationship. Marriage Encounters, I hear is wonderful, and I think not based on any specific religion.
2007-01-06 13:09:32 · answer #3 · answered by lindasue m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You probably need to talk to a counselor alone first.
You're going to need to be very careful about how you bring this to your wife or this is going to blow up in your face. After 21 years, a picture doesn't necessarily mean anything...and an overly dramatic confrontation may lead to things being said that can't be taken back.
Your wife obviously made the decision to not destroy this picture a LONG time ago...so your recent marital troubles don't have anything to do with this. But, your recent marital troubles may play heavily into a fight where you fly off the handle and your wife gets defensive. (What were you looking for in her purse that you run across this for the first time in SO many years.)
If you value your marriage, you need to get this out in the open. Sitting on it will just make you resentful, and that is toxic. But, get some help before you do it.
2007-01-06 13:11:51 · answer #4 · answered by David G 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i'm going to agree with those that are suggesting the counselor. Like it was said before, try talking to her first. She may have it there for a reason that is completely innocent. 21 years is a long time, and you shouldn't end it all over a stupid pic. Just remember why you marrried her in the first place, and then talk to her and find out why it is there. No fighting...you don't want to make things seem worse than they really are...just remember..it's a picture, and you are the real thing...if she wanted the other guy, she wouldn't have married you.
2007-01-06 13:11:58 · answer #5 · answered by mkshny_4eva 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What were you doing snooping through her wallet in the first place? Never touch a woman's purse that is a personal thing.
OK with that said so what about a nude photo, I would have thrown it out years ago myself but hay maybe it is a conversation thing between her and the girls!
let her have a photo of you in there if it makes you feel better, it might even spice up your marriage
2007-01-06 15:35:03 · answer #6 · answered by Scooter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that I would just calmly and unaccusingly tell her you found the picture and you'd like to see a counselor or minister together to discuss what's been wrong the last five years.
I would not (at the first conversation about the picture) ask if she's been cheating or imply that she has done anything unfaithful other than have the picture. I'd save that conversation for later.
2007-01-06 13:09:01 · answer #7 · answered by penhead72 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's pretty sick of her....especially since she's been married to you for so long and definitely should have moved on since then. I would confront her first and see what her explanation is....
though truthfully ...there is no good excuse for her to have that photo in her wallet. It needs to be destroyed. Come right out and ask her why she still has it and why she feels the need to carry it around with her. her answer will let you know whether or not you need to go get counseling or call it quits...since she may still have feelings for him.
2007-01-06 13:10:21 · answer #8 · answered by S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your marriage has been going downhill for the last few years, maybe isntead of confronting her just tell her you would like to try couples counseling because you still love her and you want the both of you to be happy together again.
I wouldn't mention the picture unless you have a legitimate reason for searching through her wallet. If you were snooping, then don't tell her. It could definitely impact her trust and faith in you.
2007-01-06 13:08:11 · answer #9 · answered by Quintessa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take the photo out of her wallet and see if she misses it. Hide it somewhere for future reference. After about a month or so, sneak it back in. Better yet, replace it with a photo of you and see what happens. Say NOTHING, just do it AND WATCH REACTION. Is the guy even still alive and around the area? If not, forget it. Imagine what HE looks like now nekked....lol
2007-01-06 13:17:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would highly recommend you talk to a marriage counselor. When a woman has a picture like that in her wallet, she is lonely and re-living positive experiences with an ex. That is usually a red flag that she is ripe for an affair; it may not have happened, but she is thinking about it. You need to calmly talk to her about it, explain that it shocked and saddened you, and offer to go to counseling to rekindle the marriage and her feelings for you. Good luck and God bless.
2007-01-06 14:25:51 · answer #11 · answered by Judy W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋