is it abusive if...?

Question

My husband told my son to bring him a certain set of disks for his computer game he was playing. My son brought the wrong one two or three times. My husband yelled at my son who is 12. He hollered "what is wrong with YOU? Do you want to know what it feels like to be kicked in the a**?" No kicking, just barking. My son is very gentle by nature and would never talk back to his dad but he does have a problem with following directions. Then my husband pushed him on the shoulder hard enough for my son to fall backwards on the floor. In another incident, he pushed him (again hard enough for him to fall to the floor) when he went to talk to me in the baby's room and woke up the baby. My husband said he was only moving him out of the way no harm meant. Later, I was waiting in the car to take me and the kids to church and my son was in the restroom and made us late. My husband shoved him out the door, but no falling.

Answer 1

YES ! The reason I said yes is that your husband is pushing and shoving for reasons that are pure selfishness when he knows the child has problems following directions. It is up to the adult to gain more patience, not the other way, and if the child was getting the wrong disk then the adult should get his own. You can move someone without pushing them, and asking is much more polite. Seems to me that this adult male has anger issues that need to be resolved, is this his child ? If the man is yelling all the child hears is anger, he really doesnt know what he wants and its going to give that child a complex of always being a screw up, and it sounds to me that the adult male is really screwing up. He is supposed to teach the child, not be impatient and shove him around, etc. It may not be violent abuse, but it is mental abuse. You really need to tell the adult male not to be so rough , and learn to be patient,,,,,,,,,,some role model. Your son will pay a dear price if you dont put a stop to it. You can be firm and kind and still tell the adult to back off.

Answer 2

When you say "my son" do you mean that the child is your son and not his? Sometimes a man is not as kind as he should be with another man's child. Especially an insecure man. However, if your husband has also woken the baby (I assume the baby is yours together) by being loud and unreasonable, well I'd say he really has no regard for children at all, whether they are his or not.

He sounds rather immature. I would agree that he is being abusive, it is more in the form of verbal and emotional abuse though, the physical side of it is not severe enough to be considered abusive.

Unfortunatly emotional abuse can leave far deeper scars than physical. If you truly care about your children then you need to stand up for their rights as humans and insist that he give them all the respect that he would any adult. He may be the male father figure in the house, but that does not give him the right to belittle your son.

Answer 3

here's the thing if we all went to the authorities every time a parent lost there temper then we would have all the kids in the custody of the state.
this sounds to me like your husband has some problem with managing his negative emotions and controlling his behavior.
parenting is a team effort you are one of the coaches and you need to discuss this matter with your husband.
he knows as do you that what has taken place is wrong .
he knows as well as you that there is no present reason to think he will not repeat such actions again.
he knows he loves his children he wants more then anything to make it as a dad. he wants that trophy that says worlds best dad
and i think you want him to win that too.
well the game is far from over. i know professionals are required by law to report any incident of suspected child abuse.
i also know that they dont do that. in a case such as you have in your home the family doctor can be of great help. medications yes sedatives can be used to treat this issue some of the pills the person does not even have to swallow they just put them under the tongue and they work all most as fast. now pills are not alone going to fix this but they will help . the doctor may find that your husband would be well off with an anti depressent. i know that some people i have seen with my own eyes stated taking the anti depressent and the mood in that home changed completely it was like all the tension just flew out the window.
so you see the doctor can help you and your team make it
he may have other things he wants your husband to do like
attend some meetings but he will be able to help you all
god has been helping already and if you ask him by way of his son he will help you all too.
may the peace of the lord comfort you. may the love of the lord surrond you and may the wisdom of the lord guide you . remember blessed are the peacemakers.

Answer 4

Your son may have a problem with following instructions, but your husband has an even bigger problem keeping his hands to himself. This IS abuse!!! Your husband should find some anger management classes before he pushes & your son falls & hurts or breaks something. What is he falls & hits his head, or worse?
Your son may NOT have a problem other than his dad who yells & hits....

Answer 5

If your husband is doing those kinds of things to your son, then he is abusing him. He is abusing him verbally and physically. That is no way to discipline and no way to treat your son.

It seems to me that your husband has a problem with his anger. I would consider on you telling him that he needs counseling. Because what he is doing to your son, will also lead your son to seek counseling too.

As parents, you are suppose to PROTECT your children, not HARM them. And you as a parent should not stand by and witness this, because you are also to blame! If you know this is happening, then you need to do something about it.

If your husband never apologized, which he probably won't, then that tells you that he is not going to stop what he is doing.

So do what is right and protect your children and get your children and yourself out of there as soon as possible!

Answer 6

i'd say it is leaning towards abuse. A father should never touch a child in an aggresive way. It is probably hurting your son so much inside, and it can lead to insecurity problems. I would talk to my husband about this, and tell him how i feel about it. I would not find this acceptable, and i would ask him to work on this. Also ask your son how he feels about this. I know it is hurting him, i had an abusive step dad and it hurt me very much emotionally, and i am very insecure. And his pushing did eventually lead to actual physical abuse. He punched my younger brother (18) in the face a few months ago and gave him a black eye. But my mother never does anything about it, we ask her to, but she just defends him, saying he was just frustrated, he didn't mean anything by it. But it doesn't matter, the hurt emotionally is MUCH worse than the hurt phsycially. If he refuses to cooperate i would suggest counseling. Good Luck, i hope he remembers that in order to gain respect from other, he also has to respect them.

Answer 7

Yes, that is considered abusive. It is considered emotional and mental and physical abuse. Because by law it is abusive to yell, hit,and use mental abuse on a child.
It sounds like your husband has an anger problem. He needs to understand your son instead of yelling at him.
Does he realize that your son has a problem following directions?
Maybe you should consider counseling and if that don't work then maybe you and your son should leave.

Answer 8

Is this new behaviour for your husband or has he always treated his kids like this? If it's new speak to your husband about this unacceptable behaviour and try to find out why he is so angry. If it's always been this way you need counselling to stop it now. You are not comfortable with this so let your husband know that he is not being the kind of father you know he can be. Good Luck

Answer 9

Yes, verbal abuse is as bad (or worse) than physical abuse, and your son is getting both. Your husband can also be ruining your son's self impression and that is extremely dangerous.
I've was also abused as a kid and the physical stuff you don't feel anymore, but the things that stick to memory are the put-downs.

Answer 10

Your husband HAS got to STOP IT!

That is ABUSE! will he dare do that to a co-worker or even a stranger???

Legally, assault constitutes physical contact, so He CAN"T DO THAT!
I am sorry I sound REALLY EMOTIONAL but I have a 12 Year old brother with ADHD that finds it hard to follow directions, and I defend him when my parents sometimes get frustrated with him!

I will DIE and even KILL for MY BROTHER! but that is YOUR SON! come to his deence FOR GOD"S SAKE! please! he will always remember that!

My brother still remembers when I came to his defence against a bully when he was 8! THAT ABUSE HAS TO STOP!

Tell him to never lay hand on your son again! Girl! GROW A BACKBONE! defend your BABY!

One day your son will not only resent his father, but you as well if you do not do something NOW!
God bless!