i wrote another poem, for english again.
i wanna know if it's good enough...or if i need to change something...
"A river, see how it flows
That’s how our life goes
You’ll be stuck, that’s no doubt
But that’s what our life is all about
Your journey in this river will have turns
Which one to take, that’s of your concern
You can change your course
But will take an awful life of force
Life can be sour, or it can be sweet
It’s your life, and it’s how you make it"
sorry, still an amateur...=)
2007-01-06 12:27:50 · 13 answers · asked by gek_meisje05 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
good effort but you know it doesn't have to rhyme and sometimes you can create a beautiful piece when you forget about rhyming which just makes i much more difficult
try it, free verse, and let your thoughts flow in whatever direction they take you
2007-01-06 14:18:29 · answer #1 · answered by james l 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Ehh.. It kind of makes me want to grimace...The heart & idea are there..But it needs quite a bit of work. Keep at it, though, you've got a great idea, just polish things up quite a bit. Umm..Here's my suggestion, I'm no pro, I can't write very good poetry myself, but I'm fairly good at helping others edit & revise their poetry..
Here's how I would start out:
"A meandering river
Is like the life we lead,"
Don't say "your" or "you" or "I" in this particular poem. Don't say exactly what you mean. Talk merely about the river, but title the poem "Life Is Like A River"...And people will get your symbolism. Keep working, you have a looong way to go, but keep at it. If you feel you need any more help, feel free to click on my name & email me..Best of luck! :)
2007-01-06 21:13:14 · answer #2 · answered by Kiara 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweet, but as you yurself point out, you are an amateur. To me it seemed as you were more determined to get the poem to rhyme than to express your idea. Yet it lacked in rhythm. It had a nursery rhyme effect to it, without the rhythm or the grasp of a nursery rhyme. Read more poetry, modern verse and then try your hand again.
2007-01-06 22:52:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It does not matter what we think of the poem, all that matters is that it makes sense to you.
I feel with due time you will grow and mature to be a great poet, hey practice makes perfect.
For all those that feel that your work could be better, unless they show you a poem that they have written that is better, don't deal too much on what they have to say. People have a way of pointing a finger and fail to realize that they have three pointing back at themselves.
2007-01-07 00:24:41 · answer #4 · answered by crazeebitch2005 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think it's good. it's based on the life is a journey metaphor. also human will is accorded a great power. philosophical, reflective poem.
2007-01-07 05:33:48 · answer #5 · answered by Analyst 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its good 4 an amateur. keep working at it :)
2007-01-07 16:49:28 · answer #6 · answered by Polish gal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it! It's true, for starters, and it has a nice flow to it. Good for you for being able to put your thoughts into words like that!
2007-01-06 21:46:32 · answer #7 · answered by azjen77 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Prune it to a Haiku.
2007-01-07 05:30:53 · answer #8 · answered by Lilliana 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it!
2007-01-06 20:42:32 · answer #9 · answered by ☺☻♥♦♣♠•◘○Me Ashley Tisdale! 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i like it but it sounds like some one is love sick to me ......
2007-01-06 20:39:23 · answer #10 · answered by Death follows us all 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋