I have been married for 9 years, with hubby for 10. We have 2 children, 8 year old daughter and 6 year old son. Told son had autism at the age of 2. Hubby became and still is completely distant to son. Very good to daughter. Son has improved greatly, talks and goes to kindergarten with an aide. Hubby ignores and won't take son out in public. I thought it was a stage hubby was going through, it has been 4 years. I now resent hubby and not sure what to do. Hubby refuses counseling. Daughter is beginning to ask why daddy doesn't like son. Very depressing and sad. Any ideas?? There are days when I want to walk, but not sure if that is good for children. How much time do I give him? I am 33 and he is 49, but he is acting like he is 12.
2007-01-06 12:12:07 · 7 answers · asked by maryc 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
did the whole talk thing with him, he says he will try, but never does. We went to counseling, he lasted 3 sessions, he said he didn't like being told how to treat his son? I guess my real question is how much time do I give him to act like a father to his son?
2007-01-08 13:20:33 · update #1
First of all there is nothing wrong with the way you are feeling at this time. Your husband is the father of your children and should treat them with the up most respect and love. You need to have a serious conversation one on one. Don't ask him if he would like to go to counseling...demand it. This is tearing you and your family apart. Not only that its also sounds that he is making you feel guilty. You can't go through this alone you need his moral support on having an autistic child. Its been 4 years since you little one was diagnosed and it hasn't been easy, but your working hard. He is 49 and needs to step up if he doesn't want counseling or is willing to change, then I suggest you make drastic decisions. You and your children cannot live this way, you can't hide anything from them because they already know. I hope this helps and bless your heart. I guess it hurts us more because we are the ones that literally sacrificed our lives and had them10 months inside of us. Some men don't really understand or get it. I hope my advice helps and be strong, your all they got.
2007-01-06 15:23:40 · answer #1 · answered by ♪♫♫♪ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your husband be honest tell him how you feel if this marriage keeps going in this direction it will probably end in divorce and could cause alot more trauma to the children Maybe your hubby feels his son's autism is his fault some how and he's not sure how to handle it figure out a way to talk very nicely and lovingly to your husband you know him very well try to get him to break you may be surprised how much he loves his son Try not to let resentment take over remember he is male his feelings and the way he deals with issues will be different than yours .Tell your daughter that daddy does love her brother and try not to talk about the issues when your daughter or son is present. Hopefully things will get better Good Luck!!!!
PS.Marriage/Family is always worth fighting for don't give up!!!!
2007-01-06 15:25:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing to do is get into some family counceling. My cousin has two step-sons, one who is autistic. I have never seen a sweater child.
Having a child with a handicap is difficult. Maybe he is simply scared and is somehow thinking that this is his fault. Or, he may simply be over whelmed at the idea of being alone in public with his son. Autism is a wierd disease, and no two cases are the same. He simply may need some reassuring that everything will be alright.
For the sake of your ENTIRE family, try counceling.
2007-01-06 12:34:16 · answer #3 · answered by siriusblackpearl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to lay everything out and have a heart to heart talk with him.
No matter what he does or what he can say the 6 year old boy is his son and nothing will ever change that.
Having a son that has " special needs " or Just Different from what he hoped doesn't make him any less of a son to him. Thee are couples out there who would give everything they have to have a son of any kind. Tell your 49 year old to grow up get him self a " pair " And step up for his SON!!
2007-01-06 12:19:53 · answer #4 · answered by zen522 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For men these things affect them differently. He may feel that his son's problem is because of himself and he may be embarrased by that. He may also feel as though he does not know how to connect with the child without feeling so much pain so he avoids him. You getting angry with him will not open him up so you can understand what has caused his emotional blockage. It will only push you two apart. When the daughter asks why daddy does not like the son explain to her that daddy loves the son but does not know how to open his heart to helping the son with his autism. What daddy needs is for us to love him and for us to include the son in our conversations with daddy so he can see our love for the son and learn to open his heart. If the both of you are stronger and push your love for the son around him he will catch on. Love is like a yawn once you see it done even if you fight it you'll end up loving!
2007-01-06 12:28:19 · answer #5 · answered by Love to Love 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sure is acting like a child. He's had enought time to accept the fact that his son is autistic. You need to talk to him. The child needs a lot of love, and I am sure he knows and understands his dad is "distant". I say the best thing to do is talk to him, if after talking to him, he doesnt change, its up to you to make a drastic decision, the good thing is that both of your children have a mom that loves them equally and is there for them. May God Bless you and your family.
2007-01-06 12:20:49 · answer #6 · answered by Stella d 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you sat your husband down and had a heart-to-heart with him about this? Not an accusatory session, but a real, heart-to-heart, cards on the table , talk. If not, before the resentment gets bigger, please do it. He might not even realize he's doing it. Good Luck!!
2007-01-06 12:17:16 · answer #7 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋