Marriage failing??fast??

Question

I am the other woman probably getting my own.When i started a relationship with my husband i did not originally know he was married for 6 months.I thought i was in love with him and had just gone through a terrible divorce .He told me he was sorry for not telling me but that he was seperated from his wife and he loved me.I believed him but was suspicious i stuck around for three more months and i was going to leave but then i found out i was pregnant.He told his wife and she divorced him.We got married and i felt everything would be fine but there seems to be a shadow over our marriage.I dont feel like i can trust my husband.I also feel like something is missing emotionally.At this point we have been married almost three years and i hate my marriage?

P.S i am only 26 yrs old and i love my 3 yrs old daughter death but i dont feel i can stay married to her dad no matter how much money he makes.At this point should i just file for divorce?

the irony of the situation is i believe i may have posted this question in this vey forum before i got married and many people said not too and i did not listen!

Answer 1

bail now before he cheats on you also why be upset in a bad marriage.

Answer 2

You and your husband need to see a counselor very soon and get all this out in the open.

You made several very poor choices - not breaking off the relationship when you found out he was still legally married and not taking precautions with your fertility. It is very difficult to start a marriage and have a newborn at the same time as you have learned. The needs of the child can interfer with the early marriage days when you and he should be bonding and growing closer. It is hard to grow close when you are exhausted from taking care of a newborn :-)

You can't change the past; so you are going to have to learn to deal with it and move on.

I urge you not to give up so easily. Talk to him openly about your feelings. From what you wrote, it does not look like your husband has strayed. It sounds like to me that you are feeling guilty for the mistakes of the past. I urge you to invest in your relationship. Build trust and intimacy with your husband. Your baby needs both parents. It is you and your husband's job to model a good relationship to your child. That means showing the child how problems are solved and how responsible adults work through problems instead of quitting or running away.

It is a tough road, but I know you can do it. At first it may seem you are only doing it for your baby. But eventually you will see that it is for you.

Answer 3

Oh no deary, stay your *** right there and take your medicine. This is what you asked for and wanted and had ever chance to back out of before you said I do. So you be a big girl, just like you told yourself you were and then do what you said you would do.

If you were too silly to think that you would not have these thoughts about trust, honesty, fidelity and so forth, then you are stupid, but you still said "I do" and you still need to "do".

What is it with folks like you? You think that you will be able to do what you want and have the whole dream. Then when it turns out it is more or less a nightmare, you think you should get a do over of something. So sorry. Should have thought about that before. You have no reason to get out now.

No, the biggest mistake many of you women make isnt staying for the kids. The biggest mistake most of you make is the same one most men make. This mistake is simply you being unable or unwilling to realize just how much many of you contribute to you own problems, such as your marriages failing and always seeing yourself as the victims instead of an accomplice. On top of this, many of you seem to think you should somehow be granted immunity for your part or your failures.

Answer 4

Girl I really understand you. I've been married five years with two kids and things haven't changed they've only gotten worst. If there is not trust believe me the relationship is not going to work especially with something that serious. The biggest mistake we women do is that we stay with our husband cause we have children. What we don't think about is how this bad relationship is going to affect our children on the long run. It also affects us emotionally and we become depressed and are always in a bad mood, bottom line we are unhappy. It will be hard for you to let this go but eventually you will. You need to move on and let your wound heal. If you wait its just going to hurt you more.

Answer 5

I hate to be the one to say this, I really do, but it absolutely kills me when someone gets involved with a married man/woman, then expects them to stay faithfull to them...they obviously "loved" the person they married, and then for what ever reason, went looking elsewhere...what's to stop them from doing it again? I understand where you're coming from, I really do, and I wish there were a simple answer, but it's an individual circumstance. Please understand that I'm not labeling you a "homewrecker" or saying that you went out hunting for a married man. He deceived you, and deceived his wife, then thought that "coming clean" would make everything better because he's not a man and couldn't behave himself, or maybe because he wants to control/manipulate you and his (now ex) wife so he can keep on chowin' on his proverbial cake. Short side: He's a piece of trash.

Answer 6

Talk to him about your feelings, and try to see where you two stand. You also have to think about your daughter, cause it will affect her in some way, and if there is a chance you should try to fix what you have. If you have to.... take some time alone, in a room, outside....where you can think, and try to figure out what you think is missing emotionally in your life. Try marriage council, but you can't give up, cause everyone has problems in a marriage, and there will be ups and downs along the way. You just have to try to make it through, but try to have a good sense of communication with your husband, and good luck to you....i hope you make it.

Answer 7

u were looking for someone to love and take care of u, u thought he loved u, and was the one. men will tell u anything to get their way. so now 3 years later u feel the guilt, as u built your relationship on the hurt and humiliation of some poor soul, who i am sure was devastated. no u can't trust him, he cheated with u, on her, and now he is probably cheating on u with another. sometimes when we hurt others, even if we haven't really meant to, there is a thing they call karma, that comes back to us, and sometimes we have to experience the same pain as the person we hurt. u built the marriage on lies, and deceit. only u can decide what to do, but it is sometimes best to live alone and be healthy than live with him and feel sick. yes u are getting it back, unfortunately. sometimes we have to learn the lesson the hard way and suffer for it. but with the pain comes wisdom, and insight. u took something that wasn't;'t yours, and made someone else suffer, and unfortunately it always comes back to us, may take awhile but it does come. there is a shadow over your marriage, and maybe u need to ask the lord to forgive u, and than forgive yourself for this. it never is the way we think it will be, we never get to keep that happiness we thought would be ours, because we hurt someone else and are out of the will of god.Good luck god bless

Answer 8

What you loved about him did not change because he did not tell you he was married. Your judgement of him changed because he did not tell you he was still married. If you want to leave because of your decree on him as untrustworthy then you go for it and do it before your daughter comes to be an age that finds it difficult to handle the separation. If what you really want is to reunite with the love you felt for him before he told you then stay and accept that he left her and married you. He provides for his daughter and he loves you. What is missing is you not him. Your heart needs to change and then you'll find the joy in your marriage again.

Answer 9

Think about your daughter, how does he treat her? If good then I would tough it out if you love her so much. They have done extensive studies on the lack of a father figure growing up and it has some serious effects on their develpment in the negative aspect.

but if he ignores her or treats her bad then it might be best for you to get him out of her life. You really have to think about what's best for your daughter right now.

Answer 10

I would try counseling first. This may help you sort out what you really want out of life and a relationship. Then you can decide if you should stay in the marriage.

Answer 11

I am speechless. It all started bad, most likely it will end bad. Don't know what to tell u, except thanks for posting this. I tought that once the husband and the other woman lived together everything would be as planned but guess not.