How to warn a friend about being the "other woman"?

Question

My friend and fellow single mom even though she is younger than me by a few years has entered into a relationship with a man she knows is married this has been going on for 3 yrs now!I am trying to find a way to warn her without offending her. I made the mistake of getting involved with a married man who was supposed to be seperated but things did not work out even though he left his wife and married me because i was pregnant i never trusted him and the fighting never stoped the marriage ended in 2 yrs.She thinks things will be different for her.?

She wont listen to me so i thought if i printed out my question and showed her what complete strangers thought she might listen.

Answer 1

As much as you don't want her to make the same mistake, some people have to learn it for themselves through expirience. And some people are really stubborn and bull headed and the only way they learn is the shock of learning it the hard way.

Answer 2

It is hard to get someone to understand what they are in when they feel they are in love. She really wants to feel things will be different for her but like you know it's only temporary. There is no good way to tell her. There is no right words to say. You just have to tell her the truth. Everyone that get caught up in a situation like this wants to believe that it will be different for them. Some times it does but most of the time it does not work out. The chances of it working is slim to none. Like you said could she really deep down ever really trust him. Just talk to her and be honest and let her know that you care about her that's why you saying the things that you are saying. In the end it is up to her to decide what she wants to do. You would have done your part. Then let it go. And just be there for her, it been 3yrs now and he's still with his wife, she will sooner or later need your friendship. Remember to be a good friend, like you have always been. Doesn't matter how and when it ends it's just important that she has a friend like you by her side.

Answer 3

As a married woman, it is the most devastating thing in the world to find out your partner is in a long-term relationship with someone else. Let your friend know that it is not healthy to be "the other woman"; she is worth so much more than that. If you are in the shadows, he is ashamed to have you in the light of his life. When the man uses the excuse, "she doesn't understand me like you do," it is a lie. If he truly loves you, he will leave his partner for you...no excuses, no more lies. Sadly, the old adage is true: "If he'll cheat on her, he WILL cheat on you." No sex is so great that a man can't get bored and move on. Also remember that, if he has a family, his children will resent you, and he may be forced to choose between you and those children. Most times, the other woman is the loser. So remember the most basic tenet: If you don't want to be cheated on, don't be part of somebody else's cheating! I can only hope that my perspective helped; good luck and God bless.

Answer 4

Well, first, I dont think she needs warned. If she has any brains in her head, she knows what she is doing and simply is like most are, they want what they want and do as they wish, no matter how wrong it is. They just try to tell themselves it isnt wrong. Now, make her feel like the piece of crap she is and also see the piece of crap he is. Now, that might hurt your feelings a bit and it sure will hurt hers, but to be honest, they both are trash and need to be viewed and treated that way. To those this offends, to bad you never grew up. To bad that you think everything is about how you feel or what you like or can justify to yourself.

Ask her just how many times in her life, the picture she has in her mind of a situation or how things will be, has matched reality so far? She is picturing a future that in reality will probably look terrible different from what her mind and emotions see.

Ask her just how she figures on being able to trust him or how she thinks he will trust her. If they do marry, they have to admit to themselves that it is just as likely they will end up doing the same things to one another.

You know, there are some things that one should keep in mind in life.

When you go against what God said he considers to be right, you will usually end up worse off for it.

No matter what you can tell yourself to not feel quilty, no matter what justifications you can come up with to make you feel better, when you are wrong, you are wrong. Just because you dont like that or wish to see or admit it, changes nothing at all.

You reap what you sow. It might take a bit of time, but it comes back. Life has a way of teaching you the hard way, what you refuse to learn or accept the easy way.

Answer 5

it won't be any different for her, he has been cheating on his wife for 3 years, and still there is no promise of marriage or commitment for your friend. she is wasting her youth, and in being with him, she is not giving herself the opportunity to meet someone out there who would marry her and commit to her. 3 years, and not a hint of a future? we always think we are better than his ex, we listen to what he says about her, thinking that could never be me. but yes it will be u in a few years. if u do get him to leave her and marry u, u have built your future on the pain and humiliation on some innocent poor woman who doesn't even know u exist. and karma will be sure to find u, based on your choices. he will treat u no better than he does her i time. he may even blame u for destroying his marriage. always remember if they will do it with u, they will do it to u. but she will just have to learn from this, most likely the hard way, may end with her being the one with the broken heart. he is not someone that is ever going to give her a commitment, a home, and if he does, maybe it will not be all she dreamed it would be.

Answer 6

Chelsea,

In all honesty, if someone gave you the same advice back then would you have listened? No. But you learned from your mistake and it will never happen again.

The best thing that you can do for your friend (especially since she knows what she is getting into) is to be there WHEN things collapse. She will need a shoulder to cry on in a big way. Support her without saying "I told you so."

Answer 7

Frankly, it's none of your business. I know that you mean well, but she has her own life to live.

Yes, dating a married man is wrong. I'm sure she knows this. No, it won't be different for her than for other women in her position. Dating a married man is a DEAD END road. It always is and always will be.

In the end she will learn this for herself and kick herself for wasting her time and effort on a man who would NEVER love her the way she deserves. But you can't convince her and neither can I.

Answer 8

Yup, she has to find out for herself.
My best friend was in the same situation for 3 years. When it came down to it, he dumped her.
Over the years, my friend and I had talked about it several times - she had to find out for herself. She basically told herself: I need to try 'cause I love him, I am happy with that, and she had to realize herself, when it was just not enough for her.
Some of us just are suckers, no way around it.

Answer 9

Ok...Invite the guys wife and your friend out to dinner... Then invite the guy separately because you wanna talk to him. Won't he be surprised when he finds them both there.

I'm sure after that things will happen.

Answer 10

sounds like she has to learn for herself. I had a friend that did the same thing and wouldn't listen to anyone. It had to come back and bite her in the butt.