Is it normal for your spouse to fall out of love with you after 15 years of being together?

Question

I HAVE BEEN MARRIED TO THE SAME GENTLEMAN FOR 12 YEARS AND HE JUST INFORMED ME OVER THE WEEKEND THAT HE'S NO LONGER IN LOVE WITH ME! I TOTALLY DIDN'T SEE THIS COMING! I THOUGHT THAT I WAS DOING EVERYTHING THAT COULD BE POSSIBLY DONE TO HAVE A HAPPY AND LOVING MARRIAGE! I TRY TO BE A GOOD WIFE OUR HOUSE STAYS CLEAN, THE LAUNDRY STAYS DONE, I TRY TO BE A GOOD MOTHER TO OUR TWO CHILDREN AND I COOK DINNER EVERY EVENING! I HAVE LOST OVER THIRTY POUNDS IN THE LAST YEAR AND I TRULY THOUGHT THAT MY APPEARANCE HAD MUCH IMPROVED! I'M 5'8, WEIGH 136 WITH BLONDE CURLY HAIR I THINK THAT I'M ATTRACTIVE I MEAN WHAT ELSE COULD A MAN POSSIBLY WANT OUT OF LIFE? I'M SOOOO CONFUSED I MEAN IS IT POSSIBLE FOR HIM EVERY TO BE IN LOVE WITH ME AGAIN?HE DOES TELL ME THAT HE LOVES ME JUST NOT THE SAME WAY HE DID WHEN WE FIRST GOT TOGETHER. HELP I'M NOT SURE WHAT TO DO OR EVEN HOW TO FEEL.........

Answer 1

Believe me it is very normal for a lot of spouses to feel exactly how you have described. I will tell you a little story. Going back many years ago l also gained and then lost quite a bit of weight. I thought my husband would be pleased, instead he showed me another side to him that l really did not like. He seemed to think l had lost the weight to make other men happy (which l certainly did not of course, l did it more for myself ) and it seemed to make him feel insecure for some reason. I had never seen that side of him and did not like it at all. I like you keep a clean house, cook, wash, iron and also looked after my 3 children when they were small but it changed him. Speak to him and ask him what's up. There may be a bigger problem here. Are you sure there is no-one else involved ?? If not that's good, you may be able to fix this with a lot of love and understanding. Tell him of your concerns and ask him to be totally honest with you about his feelings and WHY he thinks that he feels this way. I hope it is nothing too serious. Best of luck to you.

Answer 2

It seems to be very common to have a spouse that thinks like that.I hate to say it but it seems everyone that feels this way is getting divorced lately.My ex wife told me the same thing and a few weeks later we were in a lawyers office signing the papers.Like you I never seen it coming and didn't want it when it got there.She was seeing someone else for almost 2 years before I ever found out while we were married.
You sound like a great person and mother.Look at it this way if he does leave you can always know that you did a great job of keeping the family and he was the jerk that wrecked everything.Also,if you need to vent email me at this listing.Hope it all goes well.

Answer 3

As much as I hate to say it, I'd bet it's another woman. Most men don't leave their marriages unless they have something waiting on the sidelines. I'm not saying that that's the only reason they leave, but that fact that you said you didn't see it coming sends a flag. It's one thing when couples aren't getting along and finally one decides that they had enough. Totally understandable. I'm sure you have done nothing wrong, so don't beat yourself up and question yourself. Take an honest look at him and the way he's been behaving, sometimes we see things that we overlook, but think if he's been acting a little different the last few months.
Then again, maybe it's just a midlife crisis and he will come to his senses. My bet is on another woman. Sorry!

Answer 4

Sadly, people do change over the course of a relationship, and sometimes, they do fall out of love. Your first priority is you, now; your family needs counseling, badly. You need to know that the end of a relationship is not the end of your life or your desirability; the children need to know that the world has not ended because their parents will no longer be together. Attractiveness and looks are not the reason the marriage is ending; his feelings and attitudes are. At this time, don't beat yourself up; grieve, become stronger, protect yourself and your children, and move on. Get counseling. Go back to school, if you need to. Find that part of you that is strong and access it now. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 5

its not you or him it could be bordem and same old routines and you know each other too well and he may not be able to express his true feelings as many men cant as he still loves you but when you first together you cant get enough of each other but over time you know how eachother reacts and says and intamacy falls away when first together how many times a week did u make love now how many times in last year u bothneed to have a calm quiet talk and honest about what way both of you want out of lifeand try find a solution you can both live with If you need help get counselling as they will get you both to open up and behonest you can im me if you like and talk as been in similar situation hey good luck

Answer 6

I have been with my hubby for 14 yrs and unfortunately i am really struggling to hold the marriage together. I just don't feel the same about him anymore. He is a fantastic man and i have absolutely no complaints, i simply have fallen out of love. I can't explain why because i don't know but this really does happen ALOT.
I hope you can either sort it out or enjoy the rest of your life regardless of whether it is with your partner or not. Good luck.

Answer 7

Sorry to here about your pain i have been going through much the same thing i meane she said she thought i did not love her and i was doing all i could as a husband and father could do yet she still cheated on me and then she says she relized she had made a mistake well all i can tell you is to go with you gut felling thats how i found out she cheated on me was i ask her i hope every thing works out like you wont it to good luck

Answer 8

for sure it truly is achievable. some human beings even divorce, then remarry one yet another. it truly is amazingly accepted and instantly ahead for the "in love" feeling to vanish. Few can keep up the butterflies and exhilaration by each of the united statesand downs of existence. for most, a diverse style of love evolves....a deeper, extra significant love it truly is rooted extra in mutual appreciate and shared existence reports than hormones and actual charm. it truly is powerful that you're seeing a counselor and hunting for which potential by religion...inspite of the indisputable fact that it sounds like you and your husband favor to shake issues up. you want to bypass on an occasional actual date...do slightly interesting issues mutually. Be youngsters lower back. Spicing issues up contained in the bedroom might want to help, too. you've been in a rut and gotten drained of existence and marriage. you may go away, yet your next marriage might want to in all likelihood be a similar after 5 or 10 years. follow the counseling and search for suggestion from along with your husband about doing a number of the belongings you probably did mutually lower back once you've been falling in love. it would want to be a shame to offer up even as there is not abuse or dishonest.

Answer 9

yes this is very normal this happens alot andmost people think that keeping thehouse duties all done and looking good is enough and im not trying to critisise you i know its hard work i have three of my own but in a marriage you also need to be very attentive to other things the needs of your husbund sexually and romanitcally are a major part in keeping a healthy loving relationship,he would love you just is not in love with you at least you had 12 years this happens within the first four years of alot of marriages due to really not finding there one true soal mate

Answer 10

It's strange that you call your husband "gentleman"....

Anyway the only person who can answer those questions is your husband and after 12 years you deserve an explanation.

Even if he doesn't change his mind you should know what happened.

I'm sorry this happened to you.....in a marriage "normal" is different for each couple.