Dead best friend i?

Question

My best friend passed away yesterday. Up until last night my boyfriend was being very sensitive, what happened? I called him and I was very upset, he said he was going to come see me. I called an hour later and his step father told me he had fallen asleep after he told me that he was gonna go get ready. I didn't hear from him last night and I cried myself to sleep. I woke up and called him and he said he fell asleep. Tonight he is going to his friends 30th birthday party, for which a lot of money was spent by the birthday boys mother so he has to show up. He got ready in time for that and is making sure hes there, why didn't he make sure he was there for me last night when I was going through something much greater?

Answer 1

Is this the same long-distance boyfriend that you had 4 months ago??? If so, congrats on whatever move brought you close enough that you can see each other spontaneously, albiet crisis or not.

In regards to your issue with grief... people don't know how to be with someone that is grieving. They don't say the right things when they do manage to speak, it could be a reminder of the life lost. And it's difficult to just let someone cry, it's natural to want to make it better. He may be very aware of his inabilities to comfort you, or maybe he doesn't feel that it's his place. Don't hold it against him, death affects everyone differently.

I have family members that live less than 5 minutes away that I haven't spoken with more than a half dozen times over the last year since my son's death. And my boyfriend at the time??? His lack of sympathy proved himself to be better... gone.

Answer 2

I'm sorry to hear about your best friends death. I'm also sorry to hear that your boyfriend wasn't there for you at the moment you need him. But I can tell you that when you are going through things that are important to you they may not be as important to others. It's sad but true. We can't count on people really being there when we need them because they have a choice and may not feel the same way you do. This was such a serious situation. Makes me wonder about your boyfriends true feeling for you and your best friend's relationship. Not that he doesn't care for you but how did he feel about you all relationship. Another things maybe he did want to see you that upset. Sometimes when someone really love us that can't stand to see us in pain. They don't want to hear it or see it. Just wait a while and when you are ready talk with him and ask him why didn't he come by to be with you. Let's not judge this situation before you hear what he has to say. It's going to be hard for you. It's hard losing a best friend someone whom you share so many things with. Hang in there, be strong. Don't try to rush things handle them as they come.

Answer 3

My guess is he just didn't know how to comfort you. Your bf is probably inexperienced in the sensitivity department even tho you state that he was up until then. Are you sure you don't mean he's been attentive? Men sometimes just don't have a clue as to how to respond to something as sensitive as death, especially if they haven't gone though anything like this before. I'm not defending him for not being there for you. In a few days when you're less emotional, confront him and find out what's really going on. You have to let him know how you feel.

Answer 4

Mourning requires acknowledging the reality of the death, embracing the pain of the loss, remembering the person who died, developing a new self-identity, searching for meaning, and receiving ongoing support from others.

You are probably feeling very isolated and lonely in your grief.

Let your bf know how you are feeling. Tell him how lonely and sad you are and what you need from him. And, remember this was your best friend, not his. If he cannot provide the empathy you need today, find other people to experience the closeness you need at this time.

Do not let your grief ruin your love life. You bf may simply not be familiar with death and the grieving process.

My deepest sympathies to you, I know what it is like to lose a best friend.

Answer 5

I'm really sorry for your loss, i know what it feels like also unfortunately. I hope you have others to help you through this :)
But to be honest he probably doesnt knwo how to react or is scared he might say the wrong thing...or he just doesnt realise that this is goign to affect you a lot. Like some people were so insensitive when my friend died but lookign back they probably just didnt realise how affected i was or just didnt want to upset me more by talking to me etc.
sorry if iv made no sense..I hope this has helped..Take care

Answer 6

I am sorry for your loss.

I would say that your b/f doesn't know how to handle such situations. Maybe he has never had to deal with such a loss. Could be he's just a jerk.

When the dust settles I would have a talk with him. Don't nag or whine. JUst tell him that you were hurt and confused by his reaction to your needing him. If he is truly apologetic and sincere let it go there. If he tells you to get over it, tell him to get over you and introduce him to the door.

Answer 7

I am so sorry for your loss. I think your boy friend is a little immature and doesn't know how to comfort someone through a death. I know you are hurting now and not thinking clearly but when you are done grieving over your loss, you might want to consider exchanging this guy for a more mature man. You are growing up and he is not. It was selfish of him not to think of you and your pain. You deserve better.

Answer 8

I know that feeling Vane, I had my husband roll over and fall asleep right after our best friend killed himself and two others for no apparent reason. Of course I am no longer married to him partly because of the situation. To this day he still tells me I should get over it already, The jerk!! I am so so sorry for your loss, if you would like to chat please email me or add me to your messenger. I will be online until 12 am central on Saturday , and I am online most days. Please do not be afraid to ask for a friend. I am @ yahoo, blairs05. Love and Prayers Hon, Claire

Answer 9

maybe he doesn't know how to handle situations like this. you should probably find someone else to talk to about this

i'm sorry for your loss

Answer 10

Men are not mature than women. That just about sums it up.