My wife informed me, three months ago, that if I wish to sleep with her, I must earn it. I work at my office for, on average, forty five hours a week, but that isn't included - I must also perform 25 hours of chores per week in the household in addition to my job, otherwise all marital activities are suspended. Thing is, I'm so tired now that I can hardly summon the effort to do it! Is this regime something other couples practise?
2007-01-06 09:46:40 · 56 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sugar if she is holding a job and raising children she has to have help! It's not her lot in life to pull the entire train at home on top of her daily schedule.
2007-01-06 09:53:04 · answer #1 · answered by yeller 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Obviously, this question raised a lot of answers. I can only speculate that there's much confusion out there regarding marital rights.
Without knowing all the specifics, like does your wife work, hold down a job, is sex with you unfullfilling, are you healthy, (I tend to agree with the person that 45 hours at an office job is not enough to be exhausted, etc...
First, if you are the type of person who comes home and plops down in front of the TV set while there is some work to be done around the house, or, if you visit a bar for 2 or 3 hours after work and get home late, I can understand her anger.
Second, we'll assume you're an average man who comes home, doesn't throw your clothes on the floor, does help around the house to help your beloved wife so that she can spend some time with you. We'll also assume that she doesn't have an outside job, and spends most of her day at home.
Third, she gave up the right of access to her body when she said "I do." You gave up the right to deny her your body for sexual desire at the same time. When a man and woman get married, they become 0ne flesh. A man expresses his love towards his woman through sex. For a woman to deny him this puts a terrible strain on the marriage and a break-up and divorce are in your future.
Forth, Women trade sex for love, even in a marriage. She probably feels you don't love her and maybe she feels this way for good reason. I don't know, but you do.
If I were going to try to resolve this, I would explain to her that the sex for 25 hours of chore work is unacceptable, and not negotiable. I would further seek some marital counseling from a good Christian Pastor to find out why she's acting this way. It wouldn't hurt her to read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands," by Dr. Laura Schlessinger.
Of course, this may all be a power struggle in your marriage by your wife, so you will have to determine that too, Hope this helps.
2007-01-06 11:58:51 · answer #2 · answered by akweasel1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are some important details that you have left out. Does she work full time also. Do you have any children. If she works also, it isn't unreasonable of her to ask for your help. I don't know where she comes up with 25 hours as a reasonable amount of time. And I also have to wonder if you are tired after the 45 hour work week alone or after the additional 25 hours of community service. Because if you are entirely worn out after just the 45 hour work week, you maybe should be taking some vitamins or something since that isn't normal. Maybe she would compromise and let you off with just 15 hours of service, if you show that you are willing to help out.
2007-01-06 09:58:15 · answer #3 · answered by Hallon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's not right at all. She's being VERY imature. In my job I work 50-60+ hours a week, and there are times I'm so tired that I just can't do anything, but my wife is understanding and supportive. Sounds like your wife is being very selfish and unsupportive and not at all understanding. I work in construction and it's a very physically demanding job. But what your wife is doing, is something that my wife and I do not practice. To me if my wife and I have sex or not isn't a big deal, but she certainly doesn't hold out on having sex. I also help around the house helping with our 3 kids. So I know what you mean about being tired.
I think your wife has some major growing up to do.
2007-01-06 09:54:06 · answer #4 · answered by Bryan M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure this is about splitting chores? you dont say whether she is in paid employment, but assuming you've previously had a sex-life you were both happy with, something has changed and its unlikely to suddenly be about whether you emptied the dishwasher or filled the washing machine up if you haven't always done that in the past. If she has recently gone from being the home-maker to working outside the home she may be feeling the pressure, but surely you'd have discussed that before the change happened? I think it could be a smoke-screen, she knows its an unreasonable demand and is probably dying for you to talk to her. Good luck.
2007-01-10 09:44:13 · answer #5 · answered by Karen L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I and my husband have been together for 8 years. We have four kids....6,4,16 months and four months. He works on average 55 hrs sometimes more. I do expect him to help me around here when and if he can. It isn't mandatory and i definatetly wouldn't with hold sex from him for not helping me. It's written in between the lines when you are a mother with kidss and the father works a lot. If she works, than i could see where she is coming from. Look at it this way. You get to leave your job...she doesn't and sometimes, she'd like some holiday pay. I hope the two of you can resolve this matter soon...good luck
2007-01-06 09:52:25 · answer #6 · answered by amandaped25 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What do you do around the house that takes 25 hours a week. That's 3.5 hours a day. Does your wife work? or have kids? Sex should be about love, not earning it. If you work especially hard does she throw in a BL0W j0b for a job well done?
2007-01-06 12:56:49 · answer #7 · answered by Wheelspinin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife obviously thinks that, by giving you sex, she is doing you some sort of favour. Doesn't she realise that making love is a mutual activity where you can both give thanks to each other and accept tenderness and love from each other? If she is laying down demands for sex, there is no point in doing it. She is taking exactly the same stance as a common prostitute and telling you that you may use her body, only if you pay the going rate!
My wife and I are unable to have sex now, because of a medical problem, but we still make love to each other because we enjoy giving each other pleasure.
I seriously think that the two of you need to sit down together and discuss why you are in this relationship,what you want from it and where you are going with it!
2007-01-06 10:15:24 · answer #8 · answered by dawleymouse 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the love is kind of out of it if you have to work for it all the time. I would not put up with that kind or regime. She must not think much of your marriage because that is the best way to get the man to look else where.
Good luck and hope you get some that you didn't work for.
2007-01-06 10:03:43 · answer #9 · answered by Krazee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she wants you to pay more attention to her than work. Probably you are not spending enough time with her. Working around the house is a good exercise better than slouching in the couch,she may have ulterior motive to keep you young and healthy. She wants you to live longer, work is a killer if you do to much of it any way but that is the way we earn a living, so we have to work for a long time. May be her ultimatem is wrong, love making is a natural phenomena, it is not a tool to force you to do to earn it. May you got to find a way to compromise.
2007-01-06 10:01:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, she's your wife, not you're mother giving you pocket money. You should help out around the house of course, but not that much and not chores at all, just the things that need doing with her. This is not acceptable and tell her this. You don't have a wife this way, you have a dictator
2007-01-06 09:51:25 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋