Women are you open to your husband if your emotional needs are not being met?

Question

My wife had an affair and we wound up divorcing. She never expressed that I was not meeting all of her emotional needs. Affairs are becoming very normal now. So if you are lacking something in your marriage why dont you give the guy a chance before you take that step. I do realize that men have affairs also.

Answer 1

can't fix whats wrong in a marriage by going outside it, but than i do not think this had very much to do with your not meeting her needs, she says this only to ease her own mind,and justify her bad behavior, so she can place the blame on anyone and anything but herself, so she won't have to own the deed. happened to me also, and he never said a word, about being dissatisfied, until i learned about her and ask why, he began to rewrite the whole marriage, said he had been dissatisfied the entire time, assinated me, my looks, found fault with everything about me, leaving me with less self worth than i had when he originally walked out the door. think they say all these things, magnify our defects and flaws make them twice as big as they are, just so they can ease their own conscience, don't think once they met the other person that they ever intended on telling us what was wrong with us, because if they had they would have had to give us a chance to make it right. so all the time it was not about us anyway, had to do with a flaw in their own self, and an unhappiness within them that we didn't cause, and could not even try to fix, as they chose not to tell us.

Answer 2

You are absolutely right Clinton - however, when you talk to your husband and nothing changes, he fails to see why he has to change things, then what? I'm not suggesting affairs, I don't think its the answer. I just think if you cannot talk to your husband and he's not meeting your needs, what do you do? Marriages end in divorce so often now. Its sad but true.
I feel for you, I'm sure you would have been the type to do what was necessary to keep your wife from straying but not all men are like you. Best of luck to you and hope the hurt heals for you. Take care.

Answer 3

This is a classic relationship problem. Women who cheat say it's because their "emotional needs" aren't being met. They will have an affair on the next guy and the next guy and still not have those needs met because they are looking for them in the wrong place. Men can only provide basic emotional needs on a limited level. Women need to find true emotional support from other women.

Answer 4

Sometimes women will tell their husbands what they need but they don't use the exact words, "This is what I need and why!" We women can make the big assumption that the man "got it" when in reality it didn't register. My husband has told me more than once that he can't read my mind and it's got to be plain and simple for him. As a woman, I would LIKE him to get it without me having to write it in blood as it is a little more romantic (maybe?) that I don't have to spell it out. But after numerous fights about me "telling him" in my own way and him not getting it, I decided that I would have to lose a quart or two of blood and just tell him - word for word - what I want and need. He's even asked me to write it down for him and I did. So, she might have told you but not in the way that registered. Having an affair is never right - she should have just left if she wanted someone else in her life.

Answer 5

This is something that both men and women in marriages need to do, they need to communicate, and I don't mean yelling at each other, because that's NOT communicating, because if a husband and wife are yelling at each other, nobody is listening. Just sit down and calmly and rationally talk about it. Turn off the tv, the radio or anything else that could be distracting. Just sit and talk about the issue.

Answer 6

In my marriage we make a point of talking about our needs. The reason we make a point of it is because I was telling him but in ways he could not understand so he would just ignore it. He was telling me his concerns but I could not understand. We both just felt like complaints and ultimatums were flying around. Now we make a point to gather each others full attention and share how we're feeling but we bring solutions to the table. The talks generally go like hey wouldn't it be great if we did this or I would love it if you did ... This has stabilized our marriage in ways I wish everyone experienced. Other women just do not try to make sure her mate is understanding or in a frame of mind to hear what she is saying so she cheats. Others cheat because they know the man understands what she needs but he is doing nothing about it. Same with men. But, Yes to your question. I do open up to my husband about everything.

Answer 7

UUUmmm tough one! My ex was the one who had the affair. But I can tell you that for the last few years our relationship wasn't great. It all comes down to communication. I didn't talk to him..mainly because I was afraid that he wouldn't listen to me and take me seriously. Now I wish I had. But in the long run..I am glad its all over. You guys don't make it easy for us women to open up to because we either think you are not listening or taking us seriously.

Answer 8

I do open up to my husband but he doesn't like to listen; he is not really receptive to hearing what I have to say. He tends to avoid conflict--he just wants to bury his head in the sand instead of facing the issue.

I will say things right to his face and he will not hear me. It gets old after a while being ignored.

Answer 9

I am up front, I literally scream I need attention!!! He gets it pretty fast, that is what he says he likes the most about me he never has to guess, it is when I am quiet that he gets nervous.

Answer 10

I bet your ex told you over and over and over, you either didn't care, didn't want to put out the effort, are a workaholic, didn't give a rats a$$ if she left or not.