Abortions a very touchy an hard subject to deal with ?

Question

I looked on google earlier on and typed in Abortions and a site cam up that had some very graffic pictures . Also a video which I couldnt bring myself to watch all about abortions . The reason I wanted more info is because many moons ago i made a decision to have an abortion and have been living with the pains of guilt since then . I have two wonderful daughters and couldnt at the time cope with anymore children , so decisons had to be made so please no judgement comments . But How do we deal with these feelings that we clearly cant control and at the time the decisions we made we right for us ?

I had a feeling that some Idiot would post something sick Please all report this idiot as it isnt freedom of speech that is down right out of order .

Wow I just wanted to come on and make quick note to all off you whom have made some wonderful and very helpful comments .I really appreciate you and what you have said and think that its exactly what was needed to start the moving forward stage THANKYOU ALL x

Answer 1

I am not being judgemental. Some years ago I was in a relationship with a girl She dumped me for no reason that I could think of. Her sister told me a few months later that she had met a man a couple of weeks before I received my marching orders. Only thing was, she was carrying my child, and had an abortion in case it came between her and her boyfriend. I am since married and have two lovely children. I have constant nightmares about what happened. I am making this point because not only women bleed. Men also suffer.

Answer 2

Everyone has a guilt feeling about something in their past. Nobody says let me make a lousy decision. We make the best decision we feel we have to make at the time. The problem comes in when we let others opinions make us feel guilty. You made a tough decision that you felt was the best one for your at the time. People who put up those pictures want to feel superior to others. They want to feel they are the moral compass. There are ways to get your opinion across without resorting to shock tactics. They want compassion when they are not willing to give any. Much of thier information is wrong on many levels. You are second guessing you action. There is no way to change that action. Understand that you made the right choice for you at the time. Concentrate on the family you have and move on. If you find it difficult or impossible then get counseling to help you understand why you need to move forward.

Answer 3

i have had 2 abortions, and i have 4 children, 2 of who are on the autistic spectrum, i had the first abortion when still married to my childrens very violent father, it was a joint chioce as we had 2 disabled children already and couldn't cope with any more kids, when i kicked him out he told my children about the abortion in the most graffic way you can imagine and as you can imagine i was very hurt, the second abortion was a year or so ago ago, with my second 'wonderful', husband, again by mutual choice, he has a lot of children by his first marriage and we felt it wasn't fair on us or any of the kids to have more, anyway the point is i haven't regretted my choice, my ex has just had a baby with his new partner and all i felt was thank god i have no more kids, you made a choice for you and you're family and you cannot live your'e life with regrets, forget all the idiots who give stupiud answers and also the selfish b******s in the anti abortion league who know nothing of what it like to be in this postion, so head up and don't worry

Answer 4

How to deal with it?
Remember this. There is no one in your mind but you. No one is passing judgement over you but you. Become friends with yourself inside your own mind. Make your mind a joyous, happy place.
I recommend a book that really helped me and she has helped thousands of people. It is called: "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay. She is excellent at explaining how guilt is only robbing a person of an enjoyable life.
It is not your life's path to spend the rest of your day's feeling guilty over an abortion. You or I or anyone else cannot turn back the hands of time. What's done is done and you need to stop punishing yourself for it.
It is in the past and you are ruining your today by dwelling on it.
Try the book and do the exercises seriously with a mission that you want to get over the event. It is a form of cognitive therapy and it works by replacing a person's inner dialogue with a more realistic voice.
There is one section that goes a bit into Louise's personal views of re-incarnation, ignore this unless you have the same belief and it doesn't offend. That section doesn't negate the rest of the book where she is spot on with healing the mind of the nonsense that society, religions and the adults (when we were children) have taught us.

Answer 5

You really have to let this go. There is no way to turn back the clock and change the past. You made the right decision for yourself at the time. You can either keep beating yourself up about it or you can take the experience and learn from it. It's time to let this go. Don't search out sites like that looking to make yourself feel more guilty about it; what good will that really do? Without everything that we have experienced you would not be who you are today. And if you don't like who you are today then do things today that will make you like who you are tomorrow. You can't live in the past but you can live for the future.

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I saw a couple bits of judgment and i have to say that you don't know that she wasn't having safe sex. My son was conceived during safe sex. Nothing is 100% fool proof.

Answer 6

Ignore the sicko first answer on here.

I really feel for your pain, society doesn't make it easy for women who, for whatever reason, have an abortion. Have you got anyone you can talk to about this? Maybe a bit of counselling will help you resolve those feelings of guilt. You did what was right for you at the time, you say you couldn't have coped with another child, and no one can reproach you for not wanting to bring an unwanted child into the world. I really hope you find peace of mind regarding this issue.

Answer 7

I read your answer as soon as it had came up and I took the time to look at this site you spoke about and I was in tears at the Images I wish I Hadnt looked I to had an abortion after I had to lovely girls, But you have got to stop beating youself up over this otherwise it will control your life and it is not fair on your children you and you partner life does go on in you and your kids think about them and remember what you done in the past was the right thing to do then good luck to you I know how you are feeling I have been there to stop looking at these sites aswell XXXX

Answer 8

Just realize that at the time you decided this you were in no position to care for a child. I dont necessarily agree with abortion but you cant change the past. Try to move on. Maybe counselling will help you deal with the guilt.

Answer 9

Oh Carla I am worried about you getting abuse in your answers, these people aren't always the most considerate....

Like you said, a decision had to be made and I'm sure you didn't come to that decision lightly. You did what you did thought was right for you and your family. If it is really getting to you so much that you've been looking at sites about it, then I suggest you see your Doctor, who can refer you for counselling.

Lots of love x

Answer 10

Talk to your GP about counselling. It should always be made available to women in your situation as what you are experiencing is not uncommon. You have to hang on to the facts. You made the right decision under difficult circumstances. Try and get help dealing with those feelings, you owe it to yourself and your family.