Getting married for the 4th time??

Question

I am going to be 38 yrs old soon and have been married 3 times already.My first marriage was right out of college and it lasted 6 and half years and i had 3 kids with him.We were seperated for two years because of trust issues he was 14 yrs older than me and was worried i would cheat on him or was only with him for the money i got fed up with him.When he finally tried to reconcile with me i had moved on already meeting second husband.My second marriage lasted 4 yrs was rather happy even though he owned two small buisnesses and was busy a lot.I had my 4th child with him before he was killed in a car accident.I was depressed for a while but eventually started dating again i made the mistake of getting involved with a married man who as supposed to be seperated things did not work out even though he left his wife and married me because i was pregnant i never trusted him and the fighting never stoped ended in 2 yrs.Recently my first husband has stepped back in again and wants to try again?

I still have feelings for him and he has not been in any significant relationship since we divorced .He is also a great father to my kids even a father figure to the ones that are not his.

Answer 1

not learnt your lesson then.

Answer 2

Honestly, who are you? Can you answer that question for yourself? I don't hear you discuss anything about your dreams, wishes, goals, education in the midst of all these marriages, divorces, kids. What do you want outside of dating, or a husband?

I have a motto, never go back, but that's just me. You left him for a reason, remind yourself of what those reasons were. Has anything changed since you divorced him? Have you changed or has he? If not keep moving on and I suggest that you have a little fun first, travel, take a class, learn an instrument. Focus on something other than men for a while. Take whatever time you need for you. Sounds like your life is moving 100 mph...slow it down, relax and enjoy life...you're in your prime! Find a friend, a partner...wait on the marriage. Just my two cents. Good luck!

Answer 3

No offense, but you should try to find a stable relationship before having any more children, if that was your plan. Do you feel the trust issues would get in the way again? Being that he's older, he probably fears eventually being dumped for a younger man. If he worried that you could cheat on him, or wanted him for his money and you never gave him an indication for him to doubt you in these areas, then I would skip 'trying again'. You'll most likely have the same issues. Good luck.

Answer 4

Stay single for a while and recollect your thoughts. Figure out what you want, relationships are hard enough with out kids, yet you have four of them. Just take it slow and let life take its course. I am not religious in the sense that i believe i any set religion, but try talking to God on your own, without a priest or some sort of middle man. He will take care of you. I know because i am still alive because of him. I am not preaching or trying to convert, but he is there, try him. or her. whatever, accept that life is not always in your control. It's how you handle adversity that defines you as a person. Good luck and I'M me if you want.

Answer 5

That is hard. I think I would try husband #1 again. Both of you have matured and keeps turning up. Take it slow, set up some goals and ground work for yourself. Make sure you have gotten over the things that caused you to leave in the first place. Be honest with him and don't do anything that will get the childrens's hopes up.

Answer 6

After all that and #1 still loves you? Wow, I'd say you have a winner there (perhaps?). Why not? But you need to ask him if he's willing to be a stepfather to the children you have from your other husbands? That's a very important--most important--issue. If he is, then take it slow. No need to rush, that's for sure.

Hey, I'm preparing to marry for a 5th time. I'm 39. It takes some of us a few times to get it right.

Answer 7

You're going to marry a man who you separated from because you couldn't work out your problems. Now after two husbands, he's coming back and wants a second chance. You need to forget about these guys and take care of your kids, you can't put them by the waste side because you can't stay with the same guy. Ultimately you're children will suffer more than anyone by these sketchy marriages. Forget about the guys and focus on your children and their lives. You owe them that much.

Answer 8

You know, sometime it works very well. I hope your husband learned his lesson and now when you both are older and wiser it might will work much better than before. You don't have to run to marriage, try just live with him and see how things are going.
Anyway, you have children together which probably is helpful too.
Good Luck!
What you had added is very important for your own mother's feelings and especially for children.
I'm sure at least you have to give it try.

Answer 9

well, if he didnt trust you then why would he now. what has changed so much? maybe it is because he is getting old and thinks this is his last chance for love? or has he secretly loved you for so long? it sounds like a romance novel in the making. i think before you got involve again..test him some how. this isnt going to hurt anyone to test. just see if he gets alittle nervous about your friends etc.... but if you still have feelings for him and dont mind that part again go ahead. i learned from many friends the second time around doesnt work.

Answer 10

Are you friggin' nuts? Once is enough, and sometimes for some people it's too much. I think you are a very dependent person and could learn a lot forgetting about all of the men, taking care of your kids and doing things on your own for once...most importantly the kids. Do you know how friggin' nuts they will be from you bringing all of these guys around?

Answer 11

It sounds like you have a chance with your first husband again. I didn't see anything in your paragraph that gives a reason why you felt the need to get out of that marriage.
You will want to search your heart though and decide why it is you would want to be married to him. Questions like if he loves you and if you love him. Also consider other reasons why you wouldn't be happy with him that you haven't felt comfortable to list here. You will be closer to your kids and grandkids if you are with him.