2007-01-06 07:13:30 · 13 answers · asked by ahhihello 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
IN love, really, is just the sexual attraction that starts the whole ball rolling. We are programmed to respond to Mother Nature's clever system to ensure the perpetuation of species. But when this part of our emotions goes away - as it will - for a marriage to continue to be successful and enduring, that part of our interraction has to be replaced by something deeper, and on a completely different plane. If ALL you had to begin with, was your sexually based attraction to the other person, then when that goes- you are left with a big vacuum and nothing to fill it. As one long-time marriage councillor once amusingly put it, "You have to have something ELSE to keep the two of you commonly interested the other twenty three hours and fifty minutes of the day " LOL. If a couple doesn't have a number of other vital common factors, those two people are destined never to make old bones together.
When my husband and I first met, many moons ago, we actually sat down and discussed with one another "who we were". We talked about just what it was that made us tick - totally separate from our sexual attraction. We eventually discovered that we were amazingly compatible in many of the ways we thought and felt and believed... about ourselves, about the world, about life, about our hopes for the future, and our expectations from one another. And even more interesting, we were very much on the same page when it came to some vital issues that so many couples just don't bother to get into before making the ultimate commitment. We discovered that neither of us felt we were "parent material" We just did not want kids, end of story. Not every woman thinks motherhood is the most wonderful ultimate goal in life, and not every man believes he hasn't totally fulfilled his purpose if he doesn't leave his genetic blueprint behind when he dies.
We both were into travel, but we also both wanted eventually to return to our country roots, have a bunch of dogs around us, and a big yard, and a ton of friends, and be surrounded by the beauty of nature. We discovered about one another that we were both "sociable animals" but NOT party animals. One of us wasn't a spendthrift while the other one was a scrooge. One was not a "neat-freak" and the other a slob. L0L. On rare occasions people with these wide differences do make it. But the odds are verrrrrrry long. It's certainly not the horse you'd ever want to put your shirt on at the races.
Today, 35 years later, after the "fiery passion" has become a gentle glow - we DO have something to talk about the other 23 hours and 50 minutes of the day. Of course there is love, but it is a love that rises above just sexual attraction, and matured into a strong abiding "one-ness" . And we LIKE each other as well. We are friends, and partners, and each is an extension of the other.
We know that the cycle of life and death demands that some day one of us will leave, and the other one will go on alone, with his or her memories, until, hopefully, we may meet again on some other plane of being. When that time comes, the one left behind will go on, supported by the echoes of laughter, and recollections of a married lifetime of wonderful shared experiences. The memories are a mixed bag, including some sorrows, and difficulties. But these, too, we met together, and dealt with, side by side, hand in hand.
What started as the "in love" of sexual attraction, went on to become the warm, deep love, of partnership and mutual respect, and this is what made "The Company" as we jokingly sometimes refer to our marriage, a successful venture over the years.
2007-01-06 09:36:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
In love, not really anymore, the love changed over the years, we have been married for ten years now. I still care for him a lot, but he doesn't make my heart jump like before, and he has changed too, he's not romantic anymore like he used to be before.
But we have a good life.
2007-01-06 15:55:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I am still in love with him.We have been together for 17 years and married for 15 of them and I love him more now than I did then and love him more everyday.
2007-01-06 15:57:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
some days are better than others. I've been with him for 10, married for almost 7 and we've both just grown up differently and I am starting to see that maybe we don't both want the same things out of life which scares the hell out of me.
2007-01-06 15:29:43 · answer #4 · answered by ksgirl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes we are still very much in love with each other, 20yrs
in love and it's still growing. Why it's simple because we
are in love and love each other and that is the key to a
healthy, strong, inseperable marriage.
2007-01-06 19:16:17 · answer #5 · answered by RudiA 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Still love my husband more every day. He's good to me and even better, he's a great step dad. I'm very blessed...
2007-01-06 16:50:30 · answer #6 · answered by Jenny S. 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes. But the truth is that some days I don't like him very much. But I always love him.
2007-01-06 15:15:30 · answer #7 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
no because she quit ,gave up ,stopped trying thing is you loose that feeling then fight to get it back just like a roller coaster ride up and down good and bad but if you really love someone you ride it out ... dont get off the ride half way through it ....
2007-01-06 16:33:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been married for 13 years. The more I know him, the more I love him.
2007-01-06 15:19:12 · answer #9 · answered by katydid 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Yep, you bet-the best thing that ever happened to me-we are best of friends too.
2007-01-06 15:16:18 · answer #10 · answered by nickle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋