Gay ? Touched when young ?

Question

Just a quick question:

A lot of gay guys i have been meeting have had sexual experiences when very young, ie. being touched by someone older guy or adult man in some sort of intimate, sexual or otherwise un-ethical way...

my question, that is a bit worrying is:

did these guys 'became gay' because they were touched at young age, or where they 'being targeted' by these older guys/men because they could see that they would become gay when older?

it is a very difficult question, and quite disturbing, but i like to know the answer to this. (as i was touched myself when i was young, and now i am gay)

kindly

Answer 1

The idea that "molestation causes homosexuality" doesn't explain heterosexuality in people who were molested, nor does it explain homosexuality in people who weren't.

Pedophiles and other sexual abusers often spend a considerable amount of time and thought in selecting and grooming potential victims. When one knows what to "look for" in a pre-gay child (e.g., atypical gendered interests, passivity, etc.), they may be drawn to that particular kind of victim. Perhaps they are even somewhat motivated by fantasies/justifications that they want to somehow "help" the child.

A great book on this subject is "The Tricky Part" by Martin Moran. It's a memoir. In it, Moran recalls himself as a 12-year-old boy with a developing sexual interest in other guys, which a religious camp counselor uses to take sexual advantage of him for about three years. While it seems pretty clear to me that Moran would have turned out gay anyway, the psychological damage he incurs contributes to a significant sex addiction later in life, which he struggles to overcome. Fascinating reading.

Answer 2

For this to be an accurate analogy it would have to be determined how often the person had been sexually abused by another...one time touches wouldn't necessarily constitute a turn to the gay lifestyle due to it. Possibly numerous encounters might but there is more tendency for such victims to turn to molestation as much if not more than homosexuality.

The gay men I know have all had very normal, unblemished childhoods. Lesbians would have to be within this category of "abused or not" also, yet again, almost ALL of the lesbians I know have had very safe, normal lives.

Birth...genetics, a gay lineage can be traced back generations within families.

We accept people with defective genes all the time : Mental illness, Mentally challenged, physically challenged, born without limbs, cleft palates, conjoined etc. Why it is so difficult for people to accept that being gay is based on the very same genetic profiles that all other human attributes that we have, are, is incredible.

Being gay isn't wrong, it's not anyone's fault, it isn't a sickness or a perversion, it's what can result when two people come together and conceive a child at a specific time when the genes of each combine in just a little different combination...more or less x,y chromosomes depending on whether a boy or girl.

It is incredible how society has made gay people feel chastised and "evil", particularly people who claim they are "loving, forgiving and righteous"...

You are who you are from birth, not because you were touched...as part of the human race on this earth you have just as much right to be proud of who you are as anyone else and not feel you have to "blame" some event on your sexual preference.

Oddly, lesbians seem to have a much easier time accepting who they are more readily, yet all the gay guys I know have hidden and felt that they were "freaks" and some have even been kicked out of their parents homes and become estranged.

In my opinion you have children, you accept and love them regardless. Our society has to grow up and stop blaming everyone else for their problems...each human is a complete package and acceptance of it all is necessary in order for us to live together far more harmoniously than we've been doing. We can change the things that our environs thrash upon us (drugs, alcoholism, smoking etc), but we can't change how we are hardwired, no matter how much we want to.

Love yourself for who you are, live your life for you and not others and as the Serenity Prayer says, "accept those things you cannot change!"

Good luck

Answer 3

Personally, I don't see a solid link between being touched inappropriately when young and one's adult sexual orientation. After all, many straight men were also touched when they were young and they are straight.

I guess if one were to assume that such touching was the 'cause' of being straight or gay then it would mean that if a boy was touched by a man he would be gay and if touched by a women then he'd wind up straight. But since only a small proportion of guys are touched in an inappropriate manner when they are young, how would one explain the sexual orientation of the majority of men who were not touched at all?

Answer 4

Gay is a very western and unnatural concept. So I wouldn't talk about that. What I'll talk about is same-sex feelings in males. It is true that a lot of people who become attached with or open about their same-sex needs and fight against all odds in their adolescence/ youth to develop it, often have a history of being touched when young. The rest grow to be hateful of such feelings whether in themselves or others.

The question here is: which is the real evil here ----- the society which cripples this basic nature of males (the capability to bond with another male in future is seriously crippled right in the beginning), or the touch which liberates that capability from social prisons.

The very fact that such enormous social prisons can be pulled down just through the touch of a hand is proof enough that the society is trying to destroy something very very natural, only so that it can sustain its unnatural and worthless institution of marriage.

Answer 5

WHen did you start to notice gay tendencies? Were you ever attracted to girls? I was attracted to boys from the age of 5! So, I am not gay,never have been, never will be; however, my brother was attracted to boys young and never girls so he is gay, always has been, always will be. He didn't choose it, he was born that way. No one touched him. He did not want to be gay, but he can't help it, the thought being intimate with a woman disgusts him. He tried everything to not be gay (hypnosis even), but nothing works, it is what it is. Please just enjoy your life as a gay man and don't let small minded people ever get to you.

Answer 6

you are correct this is a difficult question. i would have to say that these men were just pedophiles. what they see is a young innocent child. as for your case i really cant say because i do not know you. how old were you when you were touched, was it only touching or was it more? if this was your first sexual encounter, I'm sure you enjoyed the feeling. and this stayed in your mind so that you associated sex with someone of the same sex. just a guess. i really do suggest that you speak with a professional

Answer 7

WOW now thats a good question and im sure your going to get a big response. On my level im going to say i was abused when younger and at a later stage in life i found myself being attracted to males. I actually got sectioned for my own safety as i got so screwed up over what was happening. I couldnt understand and still dont the fact that what happened in the past ripped me apart and now i was being attracted to men when i considered myself straight for 21 yrs. In my opinion i say it could very well be a contributing factor to someones sexuality

Answer 8

Difficult question to answer definitely - like you I was sexually molested, at the age of 9 and I am gay.

Answer 9

You cannot "become" gay. The fact that you were touched at a young age has nothing to do with the fact that you are gay. You were born gay. I am gay, and was never sexually abused. That is just a lie homophobes tell to justify their hatred for gays.

Answer 10

When you're young you are innocent and to be honest this is a touchy subject for some but personally I dont think its got anything to do with that I think if you are gay you decide yourself and are not forced to feel attracted to the same sex when older.