serious question, please answer truthfully.?

Question

please if any of you could give me some sound advice. im a 23 yr old muslim girl, and ive had my nikah, that is i AM married but i havent moved in with my husband.he 2 is a muslim & lives in london whereas i live in pakistan. he was here fr a few months &we got to know each other in every respect.initially when we got engaged around may'06 things were gr8 bw us.right after we got married,things have gotten really bad.its like we're 2 diff people.specially him.hes changed.we have difficulty getting our thoughts across to each other,he doesnt even tolk to me fr long on skype.incase ure wondering, no im the only woman in his life,he says he loves me, wants to marry me as in move in,wants to spend the rest of his life with me,yet i feel he doesnt mean it becus he doesnt do anything to show that he really does. we'v bin strugling to make our relationshp work fr the past 5 months, but in vain :( both of us do want to be with each other but..things dont seem to fall in place. help..

Answer 1

Youll never know for sure until you move in with him your already married so now the next step is to live with the guy you never really know someone unless you live with them its hard to communicate long distance and that alone could be putting a strain on your relationship try going to see him in person stay with him for a while and see how he treats you and make sure you explain to him your fears and let him know that

Answer 2

I'm sorry that you have to go through this. Perhaps your fiance is having some stress at work and doesn't have much time to keep in touch with you. Life in the UK is not as relaxed as it is in Pakistan, so you have to brace yourself for some changes in life. Maybe he's trying to explain it to you, but you're not really understanding it. I'm sure your fiance loves you very much, so you're OK with regard to that.
Why don't you ask him about what's on your mind? Ask him if he's stressed out about anything. Perhaps he's having frozen feet about the wedding looming up, so perhaps you should address that, too. Guys take a while to adjust to a married life.

Also, don't be too clinging to him. Give him some space to be alone, don't call him every single day, and don't chat with him everyday either. Maybe doing it every 3 days will be good for the both of you.
Pray and ask dua from Allah that only the best happens in your life. Let this marriage happen only if he is the ideal person for you, if not let it not work.
Allah knows best.

Answer 3

Long distance relationships are very difficult because you don't really get to know each other like you do when you share the same toothpaste and do the dishes together and do each others laundry... the everyday types of things that draw people closer. And you both are very frustrated because you both want to be together.
Somebody needs to move.
I know you must be very upset but you have asked this same question three times within the last 24 hours. Are you doing okay?

Answer 4

it is difficult after we first marry someone, each bringing their own thoughts into the marriage, and ways of doing things. each person needs to respect the others thoughts, and way's of doing things, without finding fault. marriage counseling is an option, this will help u get through the period of adjustment, will help u both learn that both of u are important in this relationship, that both are a partner in decision making and making decisions, unless u both have a say and he agrees to treat u like the equal u are u will continue to feel as if things are not right. good luck

Answer 5

All You Have to do is talk to him about it. he may regret doing any of those things and say he loves you. All You Have to do is tell him that you have to talk, and he will listen. if nothing works out, and this still goes on, then tell him you're not sure if you're right for eachotehr. tell im all the reasons you put in the detail, and if he says he understands, then he does and maybe you arent't right, and if he apologizes and really doesnt want it to end, keep him. tell him that you guys need to be closer and talk more if you are seriously into this relationship. i Hope Everything Works Out.
GOOD LUCK!

Answer 6

You are a muslimah, and you have faith in Allah, so you should know to follow the signs. I am sure you have prayed about this many times and asked Allah to show you the way. Well, maybe you should open your eyes. It is quite possible that this man wasn't meant for you. I hope that isn't the case, for your sake, but sometimes we do something against Allah's will, and it just doesn't work out. Consider that option.

Answer 7

First, was this an arranged marriage? If so, most of the time couples don't have strong ties or attractions to one another in an arranged marriage. Have you even seen your husband?

The key is to learn more about his interests. You need to spend time with one another and communicate. You have to talk to him and give him space to approach you.

He knows he's married to you. Let him come to you. Continue to work or do your daily business. Absense makes the heart grow fonder.

Answer 8

Maybe reading these articles will help
http://www.path2excellence.com/articles3.htm
http://www.path2excellence.com/articles_marriage.htm

Have you gone out with other men before ? Maybe you don't realize that most men are like that. Like, when I first met a guy, I kept calling him on the phone, and I felt disappointed that he didn't make any effort to take me out or give me gifts. So now I don't expect too much. Or maybe he's just busy or is in a bad mood ?

Answer 9

sit him down for a quick talk, tell him you'd like to start your marriage with just honesty. If you have at least that then you can build a friendship. A good book about a situation like this is Outlander by Diana Gabaldon.

Answer 10

You are not going to be able to resolve this from a distance. One of you needs to make the decision to move in with the other. You won't know your true compatibility until this happens. Good Luck.