I am a female turning 25 yrs. old this March, I live with my Mother in an In-law apartment. My mother is really nice and sweet but I just can't live with her anymore. This morning, I was still asleep because it is Saturday (no work for me), she wakes me up and says you need to wash those socks now. I was really pissed out a lot because I wanted to enjoy my Saturday morning not exactly sleeping but just laying in bed enjoying but just relaxing and chilling which only happens during the weekend. The only thing that I still leave with her is because she only works part time and I pay rent for our apartment. If I leave her alone she will think that I am selfish and don't care about her. I just can't live like this anymore. What is the right thing to do???
2007-01-06 04:58:37 · 9 answers · asked by funnybone 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you're 25, financially sound, and mature....TIME TO GO! Mom will do just fine! She did fine before you were born, and she'll do just fine when you leave. Get your own place!
2007-01-06 05:07:18 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell your Mother not to wake you up on your day off anymore. You need to tell your Mother that what you needed at that time was to rest and recouperate on your day off from working full time and that the socks did not need to be washed at that moment. You need to tell your Mother that you feel she is really nice and sweet and that you care about her and that you do not want to move out and rent your own apartment just so that you can get what you need which is to rest and recouperate on your day off from working full time which would leave her alone and responsible for the rent for the apartment. If she really is nice and sweet and cares about you she will respect your needs and wishes as a 25 year old woman who is financially contributing to the household. If she does not respect your needs and wishes she is the one who is being selfish by not caring about your needs and wishes and you cannot control what she or anyone else will think about you even though she is your Mother. It's a lesson we all need to learn sooner or later-- the sooner the better!
2007-01-06 13:27:19 · answer #2 · answered by Venus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your mom you need to talk with her. Tell her you love her and understand her problems and you need for her to understand your problems as well. Tell her what you want and need to keep living there, and if she cannot meet your needs that you will have to move into our own place. Can she work full time ? Maybe she will have too. Tell her it was ok for her to control your life as a child but you are an adult now and your socks etc. should be your responsibiliy not hers. If you move out and can afford it you could give a check to the landlord to help her out, but not to her cause she could use it for something else and not pay the rent. She sounds more like the child than you. Maybe she could get 2 part time jobs. I did. when full time was not available. How old is she. You did not say. ? The right thing to do is what you can live with. Good luck
2007-01-06 13:12:15 · answer #3 · answered by Marilyn M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Both of you are adults. She may still be your mother, but you contribute at least 50% of the expenses. Therefore, you are entitled to your privacy. In order to live together, you need to have a chat to set boundaries regarding space, schedules, times, chores, etc. (just like in a marriage of sorts) Without these boundaries, your mom is likely to go into "mother" mode, which as it seems, is the trigger for your anger. Rightly so. You are 25 and do not need to be "told" to wash your socks.
When speaking about these things to her, please make sure that you are non-defensive, matter-of-fact, and concise. This conversation does not need to end up being a battle of the estrogen levels. :)
When my mother and I were having similar issues, she did not realize she was being so intrusive. After speaking with her, and gently reminding her now and again, she became a lot better. I also used a visual signal to let her know I did not want to be disturbed. Literally hand a do-not-disturb sign on the door on Friday night, if you wish to sleep in on Saturday, and whenever you would like your "me" time. Encourage her to do the same, so that it remains obvious what the expectations of both of you are.
Good Luck!
LilD
2007-01-06 13:07:04 · answer #4 · answered by lildansr_23 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The right thing to do is be out on your own. You need to start living your life and developing skills that will make you independant. Your mother should understand this as she should want you to experience these moments as the child she loves.
2007-01-06 13:01:17 · answer #5 · answered by Hear2Help 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to her explain why you are there and let her know you want and are entitled to your privacy. If you cannot have some rules and cannot have some respect--you will have to move out.
2007-01-06 13:02:49 · answer #6 · answered by smeezleme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her exaclty what you wrote say mom i dont want to hurt you and i want to help you but you got to help me i only ahve saturrday to relax and chill OR ILL GO CRAZY AND QUIT AND NIETHER ONE OF US WILL HAVE A HOUSE make me a list fo thing siu gotta do in order to hlep you and i will BUT IN MY TIME I PLAN TO DO IT!
2007-01-06 13:02:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to her, explain wat you feel...im sure she will..if not, if she says ur selfish, tell her that she's the only selfish woman in the room because she's not respecting your feelings.
2007-01-06 13:02:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
KEEP ANSWERING TO FUNNYBONE ! ! !
2007-01-06 13:05:00 · answer #9 · answered by parekhs_carewel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋