My roommate recently started hanging out with a girl again that was totally awful to her several months ago and cheated her out of some money. Now they hang out everyday, and this girl is at our house, staying over, nearly ever night. I don't like her, don't trust her and don't want her in my house. She is manipulative and mean, and I know my roommate is going to get hurt again. What should I do? Should I say anything to my roommate and how can I make her see what I see? I don't want to see her get hurt and screwed over again, and I don't want anything in my house stolen or broken! Help!
2007-01-06 04:54:16 · 12 answers · asked by whitterbug469 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I have had multiple roommates for years now... currently I have three. The sad truth is that telling someone they cant have a guest over is just like saying that they aren't allowed to put their pillows on their own bed, or Even that they cant put a painting in a common space. The way you help is by being supportive of your roommate, before, during, and after this girl hurts her. The reason you do this, I have found, is because one day you will also need to be supported before during, and after a mistake, and you want that roommate to be around to help you pull yourself together. This is what is best for your roommate. As far as your own health and safety is concerned... if you feel threatened you should have already voiced that. You have a right to be comfortable and safe and have peace of mind as anyone else paying rent. Explain what your needs are before telling your roommate some sort of action plan. Tell her you don't feel safe, and play at an angle of you want to find a solution together... This way she wont feel as if her space is threatened, or that she is being told what to do where she pays rent. ******I'm no expert... I've just had a lot of roommates, and they all bring at least one person home that you can't stand... most of the time it's just in your best interest to grin and bare it. *******In response to someone else reply, calling the police will not help unless a crime is commited. You do not have a legal right to say that someone cannot come over just because you live there and don't want them over, and acting like this will give you a bad reputation to the police, and future prospective roomates down the road. Yelling, or telling your roommate what to do is not going to help ever. NEVER threaten to not pay rent or to move out, because you leave yourself vulnerable to THEM doing that to you. Remember good Karma, and treat people with the same dignity you want the world to treat you with. Good Luck!
2007-01-06 05:04:50 · answer #1 · answered by Jack S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This same thing happened to me but instead it was with my room mates boyfriend who was selling (maybe making) drugs in our house. Since he had been in trouble with the law so much several of the officers knew him and had done buddy type programs with him, so the police were on his side. He started receiving mail at my house and when I moved him out the police came and claimed I had to give him a 30 day warning before moving him out. That night he tried to kill me. (think I'm joking) So I had to move out and my room mate and her father thought it was all a joke. Listen, my advice is to not get involved and move yourself out. It seems to me that your room mate although he is a nice person, he actually likes being treated like this. Trust me, people love all this drama they cause. She really isn't doing anything wrong because if he didn't want her there she wouldn't be there. Plus your room mate seems like th type of person to always go for these type of people. IF it wasn't her, it would be someone else. Get a new room mate, someone that agrees with you on basic principles, like how many nights a friend can stay over before it becomes free rent. Good luck, but it won't be easy.
2007-01-06 04:59:53 · answer #2 · answered by Kim 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before you do or say anything, be sure to lock up your valuables. I know it's pathetic, but I've had to deal with this situation before (with my brother's friends). Your stuff is your first priority, since she doesn't care about hers OR yours.
Next, tell your roommate your concerns...say it pretty much exactly how you said it, but tell her you aren't trying to step on her toes or cheat her out of friends. Tell her that you don't think people can change from "bad" to "good" that easily or readily. (I agree with you on that, by the way.) And, tell her that if she does still want to be friends, that you do not want that person in your house because it makes you uncomfortable and nervous; it is not fair to make you feel that way, and you would never do that to her, right?
2007-01-06 04:59:21 · answer #3 · answered by Esma 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should stay there until you can think things through more deeply. Unfortunately, there will ALWAYS be reminders in your life of people passed or sad events. You won't be able to run away from all of them, so this is good practice. If, later on, you honestly cannot stand it, then reconsider moving out. Peace and Luck.
2016-05-22 23:11:09 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you dont feel comfortable with her there, go and TALK ot your roomat, and explain why, and if it starts a fight, tell her that her friend can be there only whenyou are there, and if that dosent work, call the police and report her as someone who isnt allowed in your home. Also, go to that person that you dont want there, and tell them first nicely to leave, and if that dosent work, tell here either you leave, of you start paying rent.
2007-01-06 05:00:56 · answer #5 · answered by blank_red_rose 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get another friend to talk to her alone. Then you talk to her. If a couple different people tell her the same thing she may listen. When dealing with room mates you should have your private bedroom with a lock. It is also good to have a foot locker or the like to kep things in also.
2007-01-06 04:59:09 · answer #6 · answered by ronnny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her she can tell her freind how you feel or you are going to and explain i dont wnat my stuff stolen "she stole your stuff and aim not gonna be bext: tell her its nohing personal but you live there too and tell her you would understand if it was the other way around or tell her the girl is only alowwed in your room mates room and on where else tell her she can tell the girl OR YOU WILL!
2007-01-06 04:57:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you are somewhat upset about this. Tell her that she needs to remember the past and not to trust her all the time, tell her also that she can stay over but not everyday.
2007-01-06 04:57:38 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if it is actually YOUR house tell her you don't want her over. then tell her if she doesn't agree she is welcome to find another place to live. if it is a place shared by the two of you, there is not much you can do. wait till the lease is up and look for another room mate. it's not really your place to tell anyone who they can and cannot see. you can tell her your feelings, but then drop it.
2007-01-06 04:59:24 · answer #9 · answered by dude 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kick her A_ss out plain and simple
2007-01-06 04:57:02 · answer #10 · answered by groverpawhurt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋