How can I change to be a better person?

Question

I spent most of my young life being bullied at school. Because of this I think it has left me with low self-esteem. Most of my childhood years was wasted because I was bullied at school. Whenever I was not at school I was so terrified of going out because I thought if people were like this at school then everyone else had to be the same. So I spent my time shut in my room not talking to anyone. I was like this until my early 20’ and I have now finally learnt that things aren’t like what they used to be like at school but I am finding it very hard to accept this. What can I do to accept that not everyone is horrible and how can I get rid of my low self-esteem and be more confident?

Answer 1

Gosh I sympathise, I had a horrible time too. I think that confidence eventually comes naturally with age, and with exposure to other friendlier people. The more people you meet, the more you realise that it's the minority of people that are unpleasant and that it is the majority of people who are kind and open and friendly. This boosts your confidence, which has obviously taken a knock.
My best advice is don't worry too much at the moment. Get out to evening classes and other social groups, mix with a lot of people, get out more. The more people you meet, the more that you will find that your confidence naturally grows (it cannot be rushed). This will happen in time. And then you will see that the bullying that you experienced was caused by a minority of unpleasant people who caught you at a vulnerable time in your life.
Your confidence will come, believe me. I know - I was an insecure bullied child and now I am the GorgeousFluffpot, a name I gave to myself for Yahoo but doesn't it just show you how much confidence I have, now, in myself.
Good luck, I really wish you well.

Answer 2

I was bullied for a long time, and it took me a while to realise that people did like me. You should join a club, doing something you enjoy, and you will meet new people, and maybe make some good friends. Don't tell them about the bullying and they will never know that you have low self esteem. It also means that they will never mention the bullying, and it may make you feel better about yourself. I know that it is hard, but try to think positively, and remember, there are more nice people than not, you just haven't had the best experience!

Answer 3

Well done you--recognizing where you need to grow and develop is a very mature, wise thing to do and the first step on the way..and it's a big, important step. A lot of people with great self-esteem never recognise their weak points, and are unwilling to make changes they know they need.
Get some assertiveness training. Assertiveness doesn't mean being confrontational or agressive, it means learning to build your confidence in yourself and express yourself in ways that make others respect your opinions etc. Once you have respect for yourself and know how to communicate effectively, others will naturally treat you as the person of worth that you are.
Counselling can help with this. I don't mean a "shrink", just a trained person who can help you build your confidence. A friend of mine is an educational pyschologist and she gives assertiveness workshops all the time, you might talk to someone in the education dept of your local uni about this. There may even be assertiveness classes available through a night-school programme.

Answer 4

take a look at yourself, and be glad that you survived all that horrible bullying at school! Some kids these days are taking their own lives because of this, but you have got through it. You can now look back and see that you are probably a better a person than those who bullied you! Certainly a better person inside. Be proud of who you are cos you are unique. And there are alot of not so narrow minded people out there who are worth being friends with. Just enjoy the rest of your life you only live once! Also maybe you could consider a career in helping other kids are experiencing what you did!!!! Good luck

Answer 5

Hey I'm sorry you had to go through this. If you could reverse the time, and jump into a time machine and go back in time to stand up to that person that bullied you would you take it?
Despite your answer, you did nothing wrong to the person that bullied you. You may not have stood up to the person, and believe me that's okay!. Not everybody in this world is going to give you respect a lot of people will look down on you. But you're going to have to understand that what happened is in the past. You can't change it. Look forward to life and know that you learn from your past and it doesnt' make you any lower it makes you stronger. Your self-esteem shouldnt' be low. You made it through school. Now the tough part is making it through life.

Answer 6

You know , my daughter could have posted this question ! She is 16 now but practically lives in her room , she has no friends at all either , she was bullied for years at school and assaulted on her own street if she verntured over the door . The police must have been sick of me !!
I know what you`re going through as my daughters going through it too .. Why not see if you can help people less fortunate than yourself ie , handicapped mentally or physically .. It will be good for your confidence as you are helping someone else , doing a good deed .. I wish you the very best ! Good luck x

Answer 7

Go and see a well-qualified hypnotherapist/psychotherapist. Look in the Yellow Pages and choose a few in a relevant geographical area, then send off for their brochures giving info about qualifications, methds of working and charges.

A hypnotherapist will help you to work through problems from the past so you more thoroughly gain acceptance of what has been and your perceptions of problems at the time, along with all the emotions and feelings that may have been blocked. The therapist will also assist you to get to grips with your present and choices for your future.

Answer 8

Join some kind of activity like a bowling league, or something in your area. Get to know people and make friends. It's hard to just change. It may take some time. Just try to be around various people. You may not like everyone you come in contact with but the more people you meet, the more likely you are to find those whom you can be friends with.

Answer 9

lets face it everyone in this world is horrible from time to time. there is no one who wont hurt you or make you unhappy. even the nice ones will end up beating you up and leaving you for dust. as for self esteem dont bother trying to improve it cause youll just end up like everyone else. be proud of the fact that youre a better person than most. once you learn that life will be a lot better.

Answer 10

You have to come out of your shell,be friendly,feel good about yourself and I'm sure others will like u.You are right,not everyone is horrible,there are some really good people out there that are willing to be friends with u,u just have to let them.I'm sure u'll make friends.Don't worry,be happy!Smile and treat everybody with respect.The past is the past.Don't look back.Good luck;)