this is the love of my life and it took everything I had to push him away. He's back asking for one more chance and promising to never drink again. (he's an alcoholic) I don't believe him nor do I trust him anymore. my head says stand firm my heart says give him the chance what should I do.
2007-01-06 03:02:39 · 19 answers · asked by just_loni 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Listen to, your HEAD! Your heart will play tricks on you, if you're not careful. Your head uses logic as it's measuring tool. He is alcoholic, and as soon as the opportunity arises, he'll drink again. Good Luck!
2007-01-06 03:10:43 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How long has he been an alcoholic? How long since he's had a drink? Did he physically, emotionally or mentally do anything wrong to you or someone else when he was drinking? What kind of relationship did you have when alcohol wasn't a factor? Those are factors that should be taken into consideration. If the only problem is the amount of alcohol that he drank, then perhaps a good solid relationship will help him stay sober. If that's something you want, go for it. People CAN change. I used to drink quite often but then one day, I ordered a drink and couldn't drink it. I found out a few weeks later that I was pregnant. Ever since then, I don't want alcohol much at all. In the last 6 yrs, I can count on 1 hand how many times I've gone drinking. I completely lost my taste for it. Being a mom has completely changed my life for the better. I am a better person because I want to be and because I want a better life and role model for my daughter.
2007-01-06 11:18:42 · answer #2 · answered by poppywest1223 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is an alcoholic and he WILL NOT STOP DRINKING untill he chooses to do so-----he has to hit bottom, all by his lonesome , then realize just how he has destroyed his life and possibly the lives of others. Once he does this then hopefully he will admit he is an alcoholic and admit he needs to get help. When he does this the only thing you can do is offer him support., but until then you need to back away and have a life for yourself. Nothing says he will not eventually change, but right now he IS NOT READY to make the change-he is "ALWAYS" just promising it wont happen again---but it continues.
2007-01-06 13:31:27 · answer #3 · answered by nickle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think what's really going on here ---and what often happens to most of us--- is this: It's not really your "head" vs. your "heart". It's what you KNOW is right vs. what you HOPE might happen. You KNOW this person will not stop drinking. Why? Because you've heard it all before. And you know IN YOUR HEART he will break his promises again. But, of course, you have love for this person and you'd LIKE to see things work out, right? It'd be GREAT if things could turn out as you HOPE. Plus, it's almost always EASIER to stay in one place ---with what is familiar to you--- than to make a big shift in your life, leave this person you've developed feelings for, and face a future that seems uncertain. (But a future with an alcoholic is REALLY uncertain!)
There's good reason why you don't believe him or trust hiim anymore. Because IN YOUR HEART you know better. YOU KNOW BETTER! Still, your fear of change has you stuck in this limbo. But you have to realize this person's problems will not go away anytime soon. Your life is elapsing as you read this, and you deserve better. Move on with your life and discover the promising new future that awaits you.
Change usually comes with some discomfort but, if you stay TRUE TO YOURSELF and do what you know IN YOUR HEART is the best thing, you'll be so glad you did.
All the best to you...
2007-01-06 11:23:13 · answer #4 · answered by SkyDotCom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Use your head. These thoughts are based on logical and objective reasoning and usually highlight the best course of action to take. Your hearts thoughts are based on emotional subjective reasoning which is weak and can lead you down a dangerous road.
I appreciate aclcoholism is an illness and you feel that he needs someone to care for him. But I agree with your instincts that he will not change and stop drinking. It is like trying to rescue a drowning person who cannot swim. No matter how good a swimmer you are the "victim" will just pull you down with him and kill the both of you. Better to stay on the shore where it is safe than to jump in and attempt a rescue just to waste and destroy two lives. I think you should listen to your brain and dont feel guilty for doing it. Good luck
2007-01-06 12:07:07 · answer #5 · answered by Daniel 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he loves you and you say you will take him back after he acheives sobriety, he will get sober, and will not be mad at you for wanting whats best for the both of you. It's all about how much he loves you and what he is willing to do to keep you. You know the expression.. Give an inch, they take a mile.. This is especially true with alcoholics.. My opinion is stand firm. He knows deep down that it is what's best for him, and you will know he loves you more than alcohol if he gives it up for you. Good luck..
2007-01-06 11:15:28 · answer #6 · answered by jessica m 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your emotions are like the waves of the sea, they go where-ever the wind blows them. Your mind should guide your emotions. If he can stay clean and sober for two years than you can give him a chance. If you can't wait that long than it is time to move on. It takes a long time to get sober and even when they are sober they can still think like an alcoholic (my needs first) and he could benefit from AA. If he values the relationship over alcohol he will get sober. If not you will always be second place to the bottle.
2007-01-06 11:13:08 · answer #7 · answered by mjohnson1422 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you got to combine both head and heart which is hard because usually theyre on opposite sides of the spectrum. But what i wouldnt do if i could do the same. Heart always gets you in trouble, head makes you cold. You should follow your heart but the first time you catch him drunk....thats it. let him know that and see where it goes. we all deserve a second chance for the most part. third and fourth chances are rediculous. like the saying goes... "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Follow your heart for now, but keep your head on standby if he screws up again.
2007-01-06 11:08:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your heart wants love and affection and your head wants to protect you and your heart. In many cases its better to trust your head, and in a few your heart. Good luck.
2007-01-06 11:24:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should asked him what kind of help has he done for him self see what he say if he say i dont need help right now then you know in your heart he lied i say that because i am a alcoholic and i lied to you in a min and it took me 30years to stop you did the right thing he need to go by his self no one can make him good luck just remember wanting to stop and stopping is two different thing
2007-01-06 11:25:16 · answer #10 · answered by nightman122554 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋