My dear husband whom I adore and worhsip the ground he walks on, thinks I`m being unfaithfull or will be at some point in our marriage. He is always questioning me, sometimes in the past has sniffed my clothes to see if there is aftershave on them, and doesn`t like it if I`m away from him, ie having a night out with friends or around someones house for a curry. At the moment I have been really poorly with the a chest infection and overnight I have a huge cold-sore come up..he thinks that I have now been kissing someone else, otherwise why else would I have one!!! He is very controlling although I am not controlled and make my own mind up on things...although take his views and feelings into consideration....Does anyone have any thoughts on why a man that has everything should think that someone who shows love and affection on a day to day basis should feel so insecure? Thanks to everyone that replies.
2007-01-06 02:55:30 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
because he is so insecure, nothing you do or say will change that
good luck
2007-01-06 02:59:54 · answer #1 · answered by angies_angel_eyes2 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well being that I'm in the same boat. I asked my husband why he thought I was cheating and his answer was because a lot of me look at me with lust I didn't feel the answer was good enough so I pushed and found that he was being very paranoid and that his ex had cheated on him a few times I felt bad about his and I have tried to show him that I love him and don't want anyone else but he insisted on making it harder for me I told him to go talk to a therapist because as much as I love him I can't live my life with a man accusing me of things that I did not and will not do I take my marriage very seriously and I love my husband but the thought of constantly being accused is whats going to tear us apart. I even wondered if his accusation towards me meant that he could be cheating but I didn't see myself doing the same thing to him as he was doing to me. Since then he has went to talk to someone and things have turned out a little better but we still have a long road before we can be happy again I hope for the best for you.
2007-01-06 04:11:24 · answer #2 · answered by Spacious 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
More than likely, it's simple insecurity, but it could be that he's cheating on YOU and thinks you must be doing the same.
My first husband was exactly the way you're describing yours, and it broke us up because I just couldn't take it anymore. Just like the nutso stuff you're talking about, my husband once found a pair of my panties BEHIND the clothes hamper. Obviously, I was putting in clothes and it just fell behind, right? No big deal, unless you're obsessed, like he was. He told me that it looked like they had been 'flung' there in a 'hurry'. How crazy is that?
Keep your friends and family! Do NOT let him alienate you from your support network. You may well need them very badly someday and they are very important for you to keep your individuality and your own personality. Years of this type of behavior is akin to psychological spousal abuse, and can turn you into a quivering, fearful mouse before you know it's happened.
Either get into some kind of marriage counseling, or I fear your relationship may be doomed. He's just going to get crazier and crazier. It won't get any better without help.
Good luck,
Polly
2007-01-06 03:15:54 · answer #3 · answered by Polly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What makes you think he is controlling? Do you openly flirt with other guys? Does he flirt with women? Some would say you two don't have the trust that is needed for a happy marriage. Some couples are happy in an open marriage. I've been told you can love more then one person. Ask someone that has children. Which child do thay love most? Of course you love each child equaly. Can you love more then one man or woman equaly?
2007-01-06 03:18:21 · answer #4 · answered by bigh5586 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That sounds insecure. It may not be good for your marriage in the long run. Seek some 3rd party counseling and maybe som faith in God will help with the insecurity. If both people are commited to the relationship there shoud be no reason to sespect cheating and love should keep blooming out of this covent called marriage.
2007-01-06 03:12:50 · answer #5 · answered by foodguy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he's very insecure. It would be a good idea for you both to get marriage counseling, go yourself if he won't go. Extreme jealousy can be a way to control you. This website has some good articles about jealousy. Just know that it's his problem--not yours. He will have to want to fix it, before he can fix it. It's true that jealous guys can sometimes be cheaters.
You might try reading The Five Love Languages, try to find out if you're communicating in each other's love language.
2007-01-06 03:04:33 · answer #6 · answered by Faith 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My wife is exactly the same, only more so, i cant even go out without her asking me what will i be up to, where am i going etc etc even if its planned weeks in advance. She even questions me when i go on my works Xmas do!!! Who'll be there etc etc and then she wants to pick me up at an earlier time then everyone else dragging both kids with her!!! I can only put it down to some insecurity but its driving me insane and I'm thinking of leaving because life would be so much easier.
2007-01-09 23:06:08 · answer #7 · answered by chilihifly 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's partly a fear of abandonment. But sometimes people who are doing the accusing are the ones doing the cheating. If you're certain this isn't the case with your husband, as it was with the man I was involved with for nearly 5 years, then it's insecurities rising up from his past, perhaps something to do with his childhood and/or past relationships with women. His immature behavior is destined to doom your relationship. He, or both of you together, should seek counselling to resolve this issue. It wont go away on it's own. As long as you let him treat you disrespectfully (yes, he's treating you disrespectfully) he will continue.
2007-01-06 03:06:39 · answer #8 · answered by Laura Renee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have always found that men who are controlling and insecure have the same backgrounds. They all were abandoned by one or both parents or abused in some way or a combination of both. Because of that they feel if my own parents didn't love me how can anyone else? It doesn't matter how much love you show. It won't help. He needs counseling. Good luck.
2007-01-06 07:35:05 · answer #9 · answered by ctsnowmiss 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a friend of mine said recently, "You're paying for the sins of others, in his past!" He has been devastated by a woman at some time, and he thinks you're going to do the same thing she did. You adore your husband, so just be patient with him, and love him every day. Don't take it personally.....you have not hurt him...somebody else did. Good Luck!!
2007-01-06 03:06:40 · answer #10 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some of we men feel constantly that we do not deserve the lovely wives we have....and therefore some also feel (this may not be logical, but feelings often aren't) that those wives must also look elsewhere, or may do.
Sit quietly with him and tell him that you have have no desire even to look elsewhere. Choose your moment.
It may also help if you show him your question here.
He is a fortunate man.
PS But then again, so am I
2007-01-10 01:31:15 · answer #11 · answered by alan h 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋