marriage. I am scared. I dont want to be verbally abused anymore. i dont want to be treated like a child anymore. i dont want to be told and made to feel like a horrible terrible person that is not worthy of love. i dont want to feel like the biggest stupidest worthless loser anymore.I WANT OUT!!!
I am only a shell of a person now.i want out.
Can any of you be so kind to give me any advice on what ive got to look forward too during my leaving.? mentally physically emotionallly?
Thankyou so much!!!
2007-01-06 02:44:37 · 14 answers · asked by Crissy 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am already severly depressed and i take meds for it.
I guess anti depressant drugs cant be miricle pill though cus mine are not working
2007-01-06 03:00:04 · update #1
I am a34 year old woman with 3 kids
15,13, and 9
2007-01-06 03:01:29 · update #2
He takes the computer away from me. He hides my cigarettes and or throws them away. he sometimes destroys things in the house. and this is all because he is mad at me
2007-01-06 03:08:01 · update #3
no he doesnt hit on me. his mouth punches the Sh it out of me though. does that count?!
sorry. alittle sarcasm. sorry
2007-01-06 03:10:37 · update #4
STELLA OH STELLA! YOUR GOOD!
HE IS A VIRGO!!!!!!!
2007-01-06 03:12:20 · update #5
YOU HAVE TO BE PREPARED FOR EVERYTHING. FROM CONVINCING YOU TO STAY, PROMISING TO CHANGE ETC. TO INSULTING YOU,THRETEN YOU AND ALL KINDS OF CRAZY THINGS! JUST DON'T LET HIM/HER CONVINCE YOU THAT HE WILL CHANGE, COS IT WON'T HAPPEN. IT'S BEEN 18 YEARS AND HE DIDN'T CHANGE, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT HE WOULD NOW? ALSO DON'T LET HIM/HER SMASH YOUR SELF ESTEEM YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY AND TO SEARCH FOR HAPPINESS.
ALSO- THE HUMAN MIND HAS THE ABILITY TO FORGET ALL THE BAD THINGS AND REMEMBER ALL THE GOOD. BUT DON'T LET IT FOOL YOU. JUST BE STRONG, AND ONCE YOU MADE UP YOUR MIND DO IT! I HOPE HE DOESN'T TRY TO HIT YOU OR USE FORCE ON YOU. IT WILL BE VERY HARD FOR YOU, ALTHOUGH YOU ARE HURT NOW, BUT STILL AFTER ALL YOU'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR SO LONG.
I WONDER WHETHER HE IS A VIRGO OR LIBRA? BUT THAT'S ANOTHER SUBJECT.
2007-01-06 02:55:56 · answer #1 · answered by Stella 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having been there and done this myself this should be easy to answer.
Before you leave you need a residence to live in, You've made up your mind to do this, now you need to make sure you have the financial resources to support yourself.
Once you are out of the "H ell" you'll feel somewhat confused and/or uncertain what should be done next, you'll get over that as you build confidence in knowing you can succeed with your new life.
At times throughout the day you'll ask yourself whether you did the right thing? Just remind yourself it was right and push forward ever stronger with your desire to be free and find yourself.
If you let stress mount because of all the emotional feelings you experience it could effect your health, so make sure you eat healthy, don't get into booze or drugs or you will definately fail.
Stay occuppied, perhaps go to college, expand your knowledge and this in turn will definately build confidence. It will also help prove to yourself that you are a good person, worthy of love and respect.
If you have need for any additional information or advice please don't hesitate to contact me.
Congratulations and i wish you the best of luck, You can do this and you must. Good Luck
2007-01-06 02:57:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You must contact a women's abuse center for support. They have all been through this and can give you any information you may need. The worse part is that most likely your husband or boyfriend will not let you go so easily. The abuse may get worse and you may become frighten and feel that it is better to stay.
Also, the abuser will most likely track you down and use kids as a reason to come over which the abuse will start again.
According to reports, this is when (when leaving) the abuse hits it height by the abuser because he don't want to let go. You may have to go into hiding for a while.
Where ever you go, you will feel at times that it was better at your abusers house and may want to return. Hope that you are financially able to stand on your own.
Be strong and if you have kids, don't allow them to change your mind about going back, they will of course normally miss their dad and want to see him but you know better.
Please seek help from an abuse counselor to start help with the healing.
Best of luck.
P.S. Most women move back after the abuser says over and over again "I am sorry and it won't happen again (in tears).............DON'T BELIEVE IT !
2007-01-06 03:05:24 · answer #3 · answered by Sunflower 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would start planning now. Start putting money away, saving all you can if you haven't done so already, leaving is expensive. When your leaving day arrives make sure he is at work for the day, and then leave. Just keep telling your self you are strong, you are a strong person, you can do this, you can survive without him. IF you are certain you want to divorce, then file the papers, however, if you want to wait awhile and seperate legally and see if you can go to counseling together, that is an avenue as well. If not try counseling alone. Try a daily journal, just jot down your feelings and emotions, good or bad.
L.
2007-01-06 06:00:42 · answer #4 · answered by tink3610 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I felt the same way you do now, and was treated and made to feel the same way. Then my husband cheated on me a SECOND time, and that got me mad enough to kick him out and file for divorce. That was last May, and I've never regretted it. I am a new person now. I feel worthy and happy and desirable. But it was difficult. Divorce affects every aspect of your life. It changes your family (are his parents still my friends?), your friends (are they his friends or my friends?), your finances (I'm actually BETTER OFF now!!), everything. It gets worse before it gets better. I had to go to counseling and take anti-depressants while going through my divorce, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I AM ME AGAIN!
It took over a month for the anti-depressants to help. I don't know how long you've been on them, but give them a chance. And if the one you're taking doesn't help, get another one. There are lots of them out there and one is sure to help. They just take some time and some work with the dosage. Good luck! Take care of yourself first and always!
2007-01-06 02:54:09 · answer #5 · answered by dallas_darling 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
even nonetheless you're a criminal grownup, while you're nevertheless residing below your mom's roof and he or she's paying your charges, that's the case with maximum 18 3 hundred and sixty 5 days olds, you nevertheless would desire to stick to her rules. My mom would not permit me bypass everywhere like that once i grew to become into 18, the two. It wasn't merely approximately intercourse and medicines - it grew to become into additionally the phobia of ny specifically. there is something approximately ny that terrifies mum and dad, particularly in the event that they have on no account lived there. specific, you could bypass in a criminal experience. If the law enforcement officials end you and spot which you're 18, they are in a position to't haul you in as a runaway. yet you would be making a great mistake in terms of your courting along with your mom. the only way I see which you will talk her into it is to tell her which you have have been given been sexually energetic, yet that includes a distinctive set of adverse aspects.
2016-10-06 12:53:49 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
18 years is a very long time, you are going to go through some big changes. I doubt your husband will make it easy for you and will probably be doing the biggest the worst verbal use towards you, ever. You are probably going to have a lot to separate, property wise, if so, the battle will be long and hard. Take a business approach to it, and turn a deaf ear towards his verbal attacks. A divorce, especially one after such a long marriage, is going to wear you down mentally and emotionally.
2007-01-06 03:01:56 · answer #7 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Divorce is NEVER easy, but the benefits surely outweigh the bad parts. I was, like you, a miserable human being while married. I felt worthless, unattractive, and had NO self-esteem. She left in my case, and moved in with another man. I remember saying at the time, "My hat is off to him....he's a better man than me!" Once I got over the initial shock, and got my bearings again, life began to improve for me rapidly. Today, I'm just as happy as if I had good sense, lol. Do what you gotta do...you won't regret it!
2007-01-06 03:00:37 · answer #8 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You didn't say if you are man or woman. and if you have any children. But besides that, yes you should expect your life to be upside down while you are getting out. You will feel like you have no energy to go on and like you are in a cloud but once you get out and get into your own place and things start falling into place it will get easier each day and you will start feeling like a normal person again. when you are in a relationship like that and you have been torn down it takes a little time to get yourself back together but once you do try not to forget what you had to go through to get there and repeat the same mistake again just bacause you may get lonely. Been there done that.
2007-01-06 02:55:41 · answer #9 · answered by *queenfairy1*Antioch California 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
wait until he starts his s*it again and then call the police. They will make him leave then you can file for a divorce and the judge will make him stay away if he is violent (even if he doesn't hit you) or if he intimidates you, wrecks the house etc.
Also maybe your meds would work if you wern't in the depressing situation. Try a support group.
2007-01-06 03:32:43 · answer #10 · answered by ladydaisy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋