Should I be getting divorced or am I just crazy? We're 28 & been together 9, married for 5. I've never been in

Question

a remotely serious relationship with anyone else. For 19, she had a fairly serious dating history & had been through a lot. She has been my best friend for the past 10 years, but over the last few yrs. things have changed. She took a job opposite mine (our decision, not just hers), so we only see eachother an hour a day outside of weekends. I've gotten used to & enjoy the bachelor lifestyle & have made new friends & social acquaintances. I dread the weekends. I'm a totally different person than the one she married. Our interests are now totally different, but thankfully our personalities still mesh. Since married, she has let herself go & has put on over 100 lbs. I have worked hard to take care of myself. I resent she won't do the same for me, shes tried a little. I'm VERY concerned about her longterm health. I'm only emotionally connected to my wife now, its hard to say I love her & am barely physically attracted to her. I find myself strongly attracted to another woman emot. & phys

We don't have any kids, but we'd like to start, I'd prefer to wait a little longer (because of my current issues). We do communicate well, and we have talked about all of this, I just need a "second opinion". We try not to bring friends into our relationship. She's going to be getting gastric bypass cause she can't loose the weight, though I feel she just hasn't tried hard enough and its an easy way out. There are a lot of reprecussions and I'm nervous about her health down the road, but we can't stay like this. We're sexually active about 3 times a month, but I'm just not interested right now, just emotionally and her self-esteem from the weight keeps her from being comfortable with me.

One other thing, I've never been sexually active with anyone else, and that probably is part of my issues too (but I don't want to cheat on my wife).

Wow, can't believe I said all this. But I wanted to provide all the information.

Answer 1

I think its time you moved on. You have evolved, she has stayed the same......fat and happy.

Answer 2

First, every relationship is different, and no one else can tell you what is right for you. But... I was in a similar relationship. We got married when we were just 20, and after 5 years,no kids, but the flame had just fizzled, I didn't like his friends, we both worked and went to school, so we barely saw each other.I had gained some weight, and he did not find me sexy any more. The fact that he told me this made me feel terrible, and worsened the problem. We dreaded weekends together, because everything turned into a fight. We decided to get divorced, and we both felt very relieved after the decision. It was hard to tell our families and friends. I moved out, and soon mover about 2 hrs away. Now we are amicable. we talk on the phone 1 or 2X a month, and when I'm in town, we get together. We agree that we will always have a special place in each others lives, but we are better off apart. He has a girlfriend, that he has been with for almost two years now. I have remained single. We are both very happy. I do not consider our marriage a mistake, because we both learned a lot from it, and came out okay.

Answer 3

If you are involved with another woman, you need to drop her like a hot potato. You made vows to your wife. You married her for better or worse. You need to get your act together and start being a man. Running around with other women does not make you a stud. There is no excuse in the world for what you are doing. Yes, I know you're not attracted to your wife. So what? She is your wife.

Go to www.marriagetoday.org

Watch Jimmy and Karen's on-line tv shows. Order their audio tapes and DVDs. They will get you back on the right track. I get nothing from recommending this website to you.

If you are serious about wanting to save your marriage and changing things between the two of you, then it is imperative you listen to Jimmy and Karen. Don't just listen to one tape or one show. You need to get your hands on as many as you can.

As for your wife's weight, there are many reasons why she let herself go....and I can bet you ten bucks, your lack of attention and effort on your part as well as the work hours is contributing to it. I have a feeling she's depressed. You need to tell her that you are very unhappy, but you want to do nothing to jeopardize your marriage. As for your wife's weight, personally, I wouldn't recommend the gastric bypass surgery. Losing weight can be done the old fashioned way with diet and exercise. Get information from a local hospital about their wellness classes that teaches you how to lose weight and eat properly and show her what you found. Tell her about exercisefriends.com where she can find an exercise partner in her area.

For God's sake, drop this other woman, and spend more time with your wife. One of you need to switch jobs, so that the both of you can start afresh.

You need to be a man, and start doing what you are supposed to do....Love your wife.

Answer 4

gruss what its time for marriage counseling also when you got married you say the married vow what happen to understanding trust communication and commitment now that you have met new friend she not good for you anymore she fat its sound you care about your friend more then her and that sad she was your best friend and your wife but now you dread the weekend and you enjoy your bachelor lifestyle be careful of what you wish for like the old say is the grass greener on the other side or the same and what good is money if you can share with you love one you should take a step back and be thank for for what you have and work with her also you say you are only emotionally connected that might big of you one day i hope you get your head out of your *** enjoy playboy

Answer 5

Husband n wife need communication well. Probably both of u are bored of life due to no kid around and timing together. Give urself and her a chance. Try to discuss it everyday before sleep called as pillow talk. Before divorce, try to settle ur stuff first before involving into other woman. This show that u are cheating her. Think carefully but if ur wife agree to divorce, then go ahead.

Answer 6

Talk to your wife... Cheating is NOT the way.
Be kind & sensitive and understanding b/c when it's all said and done we'll all loose our looks at some point and it's our minds that will be our only connection.
It's nice to feel connected and it sure beats the so called "green grass" as you'll just be taking on more drama, more flaws and in the end - who gets hurt?
Everyone!
Good Luck.

Answer 7

goodness!!...breathe....first off quit bitching about her weight and possible health issues...don't you think she knows that?.....I'm thinking she's aware of your frustration and resentment towards her physical appearance that's probably why she took a job opposite your hours....support her gastric bypass..many people have done it..don't be so judgemental...remember why she became your best friend....have a heart to heart talk with your wife..express your feelings of concern gently.....stay away from the other woman......go away for the weekend to talk....find out how she feels and where your marriage stands and go from there...good luck..

Answer 8

If this is how you feel, then you need to seperate, don't cheat. Maybe she feels the same way, sometimes when women are unhappy they will let themselves go and they don't really even realize that its because they are unhappy. Talk to her and be honest about how you feel because if you two have been the best of friends then you shouldn't risk losing that part of the relationship.

Answer 9

Whatever you do, don't do anything with the other woman without resolving your marital problems first. Talk to your wife, let her know exactly how you feel, and decide together whether you want to work on your marriage or move on. Do NOT cross that line with the other woman, and don't turn outside your marriage to fix the problems within it.

Answer 10

If you really wanna divorced,do it.Your life is before you,you can find new better woman.But you must talk with your wife about it and if she don't wanna talk with you about your problems,she not concern in yours relationship and it's decadent.But If you still love her,try to give her time and if it won't be better,start think about divorce.