I was a SAHM of 3, went to work, got a place, took him back only to have him STILL throwing this in my face and neglecting me. 11 years into this marriage, it has been over 5 since we have spent couple time together. He refuses my sexual desires and replaces me with porn saying it's easier. I maintain my home, self and kids. I look great both my face & body and I stay at home 24/7 while he works, golfs, drums. I sew, cook, write, clean, do bills, and so much more. When I try to talk about our marriage past prestent and future, he leaves, ignores me or watches tv. When I have tried to be sexual w/ him, he acts strange and turns me down. He calls me terrible names and dirties me to his family&friends.He makes 50K a year as a contratcor & owes the IRS 40K. I have not worked during the marriage minus our separation. I want to go back to school but he says I will meet someone & I would not be a good mom if I worked & went to school. He also decieves me to others so I have NO friends! Help!
2007-01-06 02:37:22 · 13 answers · asked by 30YrOldPTAMomof3 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you know what you have to do, you are just wanting reassurance that it is the right thing. It sounds like the worst kind of relationship and you have to get out! Good luck, no one deserves to be treated that way.
2007-01-06 02:40:59 · answer #1 · answered by Me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your really only 30 then you have a lot of time to rebuild your life. Since you do the bills take money for yourself---open your own acct and make sure he doesn't know about it. Wait till you have enough to support your self and kids for a few months and retain a lawyer. Get a job. Enroll in school. You will make friends very quickly if you put yourself out into society. You will have more support. Do not let this man treat you this way. you have taken it long enough and its time for action. Do not feel bad about being sneaky. If you do remember all the bad things he has done to you. Another thing that helped me was to print off all the answers people posted and cut out all the negative ones. I read them everytime i start feeling bad for the way i am going about leaving my marriage. If you stay isolated you will not have all the support that you are going to need. He eventually will get what he deserves. Do it now while you are young enough to not regret wasting your entire life on trying to please a man that obviously does not love or respect you.
2007-01-06 02:49:12 · answer #2 · answered by Miranda 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say it's time for you to return to school, get a degree, and then a job. You can get student loans where the payments are deferred until after you graduate college. Any money that you borrow should be used for school purposes. so get a different bank account that he doesn't have access too.
Since he's so busy with the porn and other activities, it's possible you could do this without him knowing. But regardless you need to get that college degree and be ready to assume the full responsibilities of raising your children. Cause it sure looks like this marriage is way up on the rocks and may be beyond saving.
It's clear that he won't talk about the marriage problems, so suggesting counseling appears to me to be a fruitless effort.
Another thing is he appears to be controlling you, driving off family and friends. It's time to move forward with your life, you've done your part to save this marriage.
2007-01-06 02:46:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow are you a fool or what? What ARE you thinking? Why ARE you even there. do you like pain? No, you absolutely love it, hon. God, hon, get the hell out of there, and leave the kids with him for awhile...See an attorney if you need to, but be sure you make a list of the reasons why you had to leave. He has no reason to treat you any better, because what ever he shells out to you he s(h)its in your face then rubs your face in it.... AND YOU'RE STILL TAKING !!!!!! It ain't gonna change, sweetie, not ever!!!!!! This is one of the worst stories I've ever seen on this site... Get yourself back into school, get a job, and get a life. You are living with a jerk, sweetie, and you deserve better --- every lady does. And you bet, divorce the bas(t)ard, and find a nice guy... you've been there WWWWAAAAAYYYYY toooo long, sweetie. In your place, I'd live in a women's shelter for a while and get then out on my own before I'd put up with that crap. Write if you need some hints.
2007-01-06 02:48:54 · answer #4 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out of this, he is just using you, i personally wouldn't have taken him back but people are different, i feel bad for you, but you have to be strong, do it for your kids if not for yourself. And i wouldn't want any sex from him either, he should count his lucky stars you took him back! He is running you life for you, do you feel good in a marriage like this? I would go out find a job, (family watch the kids), and get my life back, oh yea and find someone who will be more than willing to show you affection, he is a loser with a capitol L... and that is putting it nicely.
2007-01-06 02:54:00 · answer #5 · answered by sweetemtation_123 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For now, you are stuck, but this is what you do.
Firstly, do not file any more joined income tax forms with him at all. save as much money as you can, You have a lot of skills, you can try to make cash at home if you saw, make alterations, if you write, you can tutor part time at home when he is out, babysit, and keep taking care of yourself so you look good.
And find an agency in your area that can find you a good lawyer free. what he is doing is abuse, you need to get out of this as soon as you can. for your sake and your children. You are wasting your life. Make sure you file for divorce as soon as you are able.
2007-01-06 02:45:56 · answer #6 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should take the kids, get child support, and leave him. No one deserves to be treated the way he's treated you. You deserve alot better than that. I'm sure you'll find someone who will respect you and love you, like you deserve to be, loved and respected. He sounds like a very angry, negative man, and I don't think you have to put up with it. Good Luck!
2007-01-06 02:57:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You most definitely know what you have to do. He keeps treating you like that because you continue to let him! Go back to school, and if you meet someone else, well so what. He knows he's been depriving you and someone else could treat you better.
2007-01-06 02:48:38 · answer #8 · answered by Georgia Girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LEAVE
Take the kids and child support find someone who will take care of you.
Marriage takes two and in 11 years he has proven he's not one.
Good luck
2007-01-06 02:45:16 · answer #9 · answered by Krazee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave this ****** as soon as you can. Your life and your kids' will be so much better without him in it. It's obvious that he wants you as house bitc* and he's probably out there whoring around again. You deserve better than that. And it will be tough on your own, but it can be done. I did it.
2007-01-06 02:43:32 · answer #10 · answered by Suga 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋