if your friends husband is cheating should u tell?

Question

I have a friend and her husband is cheating on her. they have been married for a few yrs and she seems to trust him but hes doing her wrong he comes and brags to my b/f he is doing this and I wonder if I should tell her..shes a good person and they have a child together and I dont know what too do. I think the best solution would be stay out of it because its none of my business. but, is it wrong I know and dont mention it too her? I know the question is would I want to be told if it were me? but I just dont know how to handle this situation...help... pls jus serious answers only

Answer 1

It's a really tough situation to be in and I can't really give you a simple answer. I was in the same situation for literally YEARS.
One of my girlfriends constantly carried on affair after affair and I THINK her husband really had no idea. Problem was, everyone else knew about it. All their friends, I mean. We discussed it so many times and we all agreed that it was really a bad situation, but in the end, none of us said anything to him about it.

After a lot of years, she finally quit the cheating and now they really seem to be a truly happy couple.

Although the husband seemed to not know about it, we all also speculated that he HAD to know, at least deep down, and figured maybe he really either didn't care, because she was getting something that he was unable to give her, emotionally, for a long time, or maybe he didn't WANT to know, sort of like the military's 'don't ask, don't tell' rule.

The guy you're writing about sounds like a pig, for sure, but you have to ask yourself what purpose telling her would serve. Would she leave him? Is she in a position to leave him? Is it possible that she really DOES know, at least deep down?

If their relationship is bad and he's a slimebag, then she's going to find out eventually. Are you willing to accept the repercussions
to yourself and your friendship that this revelation may cause?

I know that telling her seems to be the RIGHT thing to do, and it is, but life is just so much more complicated than simple black and white.

In the end, you know the couple best. Just think it through before making a decision. In my case, I HATED not telling the husband, but now, in the end, I'm glad that I didn't. I'm not saying your friend's situation will have some 'happy ending', because these things rarely do. How much do you want to involve yourself? How much responsibility are you willing to take?

Best Wishes,

Polly

Answer 2

If you are point blank asked, do not lie. However, do not create an opportunity to "tell" where this is not one. (Especially if you are doing so in response to her bragging. If anything, just pity her for not knowing. Maybe she knows and does the bragging on other things to cover up for it.) Many times, the spouse "knows" and just doesn't want to know or isn't ready to know. Tread carefully because this is very shaky ground to be on. Being right doesn't make a person come out smelling like a rose in this one, and no matter what, somebody's going to be hurt ... or many people.

Answer 3

Tough question as the wife may not believe you unless you can provide her some proof. If she is your friend you stand the chance of loosing her friendship. She will find out some day and the hurt will not be any less then as it would be now. Maybe the best thing to do is have your b/f try to talk to the husband and see if he an be turned around. If not tell her.

Answer 4

Well I would find a way to tell her in very polite way without saying it directly. Note, pictures with the new mistress, etc. (And make sure it can't be directed back to you.) I would want some one to do the same for me if my husband was cheating on me. Yes I would be a little upset at the messenger but hey the person has my best interests in mind.

Answer 5

Yes, because if he is having sex with someone else she needs to know. He is hoping that the other person does not have any diseases. Is the other person married/living with someone? This is how AIDS and other diseases spread without anyone knowing exactly where they got it from.

I when to a community awareness meeting about STD and their counter parts. One of the speakers said that he was not active for a couple of years. He met this lady at church and she was single. She did not currently have a boyfriend, and he thought OK she is safe.

They ended up having sex, and Bingo he ended up having symptoms. He went to the doctor and he was HIV positive. He confront her and she said that she had sex one time with her ex-husband. THAT ALL IT TAKES ONE TIME TO PASS ON STD.

Answer 6

Well I would take her out for coffee and try to approach the subject nicely and yes as a best friend or true friend she will respect you for letting her know if you dont tell her and she finds out you know then she is going to lose respect for you and also have a hard time to trust you again

Answer 7

I'd say you are right, stay out of it! You didn't mention how you know he's cheating. Now, if there is any way you can make it so she can see it for herself that's different, but even then your still getting involved. Just stay back, you don't want to get caught up in their drama.

Answer 8

I say that you tell her. There are ways to tell her without being crude. I would simply say, " I overheard a few things that you may want to know." Then tell her what you overheard. Let her decide what to do. Also let her know that the only reason you are telling her is because if the tables were turned you would want to know.

Answer 9

If it was me I would tell her. I know that I would want to know even if it meant that I would have to deal with it and it would not be fun. She needs to know. If she found out that you knew and didn't tell her she would not want to be your friend again. I know it will be hard and she might not even believe you but at least you did the right thing and didn't hide it from her.

Answer 10

I'd tell him that I know what's going on and he had better stop or I will tell the wifey. If he doesn't straighten out, or if he's just being a complete jerk, then you have to tell her. She doesn't need an STD while she is married.