Am in a 4year relationship with a fantastic lady who treats me really well,has a heart of gold and is the nicest,kindest person ive ever met. My problem is that mentally and sexually she just doesnt hit the spot for me. Sad to say since weve been together I no longer bother with my family(nothing to do with this-other reasons) so really shes all I have and I feel like Im the only one who takes an interest in her as her family are generally very selfish,so really it feels like us against the world. Basically Im the first guy whos ever treated her well and she is the first female Ive met who isnt devious,arrogant,controlling or self-centered so just dont know what to do!! The thought of breaking her heart and me being alone again terrifies me-anyone in a similar situation?
2007-01-06 01:51:35 · 19 answers · asked by kippax king 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I agree with one of the other answers "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" and this lady treats you with such respect and seems to be a real gem, however one always has to be true to themselves as ultimately not only are we deceiving them we are deceiving ourselves. I once was with an ex-husband who was good looking and had some of the qualities that your partner displays, unfortunately he wasn`t one of the brightest of men, often getting his words wrong and didn`t stimulate my mind. whilst at the time of courting and subsequent marriage I felt this was an area I could personally overcome, there came a point when I could no longer go on not being in a relationship where he could not converse with me at any level let alone mine. So the essence of this story is always be true yourself.
2007-01-06 02:30:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I a very KIND way ... I would say move on. Learn from her the parts that you DO like and deserve and leave the incompatibilites that sound rather major and the family issues behind. You are not totally responsible for her heart and you will get over being alone if you look at it as being for the long term good of finding something even better. Either way, (leaving or staying) some counseling would be helpful to get some more insight about both yourself and relationships and goals for both. Take good care.
2007-01-06 01:59:40 · answer #2 · answered by Princess Fallopia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you spoken to her about your feelings? Maybe she feels the same, I'm sure she can tell if you are no longer attracted to her or if there is no connection between you anymore. Before giving up onthe relationship totally, go on holiday together or just do something together that is out of the ordinary routine. I'm assuming that at the begining of the relationship your felt a connection with her, so try to focus on that. It may take time but if after, say 6 months or so you still feel the same way about this relationship, it may be time to move on. There is no point spending the rest of your life in a sparkless relationship.
2007-01-06 02:00:06 · answer #3 · answered by gingajen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well the reason they do is because ex boyfriends are guys. Guys know that women want love and they show that in the beginning. Then true colours show and the guy ends up being a bit of a douche or just wants sex with the girl. So it is the guys fault for having idiotic behaviour that leads to a break up. But its the girls fault for letting her guard down and dating. That's why they end up breaking up and have emotional baggage for the new relationship. Believe me, relationships is a strong word. Dating now a days is an excuse to satisfy hormones. Whatever happened to the relationship between couples characterized by mercy, hope and love? Well that used to be marriage and now dating killed it.
2016-05-22 22:44:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
why did you stop talking to your family? you two are pretty much each others world so that would make things a lil dull the mental thing is because sounds like u dont have interaction with other people, I say start making friend others couples that way you two can be stimulated mentally. Sexually I dont know how open you and her are but i think it is a issue that you two need to talk about ask her how she feels and tell her how you feel and find something that can please you both that takes care of issue two.
good luck
2007-01-06 02:06:23 · answer #5 · answered by ncgirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think it would be wrong to let her go. Instead if she dosn't hit the spot for you it is possible to change that. Ignore all of the problems that you have between each other and just have a little bit of fun. In my opinion, after four years she should really hit the spot for you, sexually, maybe you are just not getting her in the mood. But let splitting up be the last option and think about her, otherwise it will be you that is acting selfish.
2007-01-06 02:04:21 · answer #6 · answered by greeneyes_786_2006 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If she is the person that you speak of toward the end of your question. she seems like a great lady and you should feel blessed to have such a person in your life. Its very hard to find a person in this world that has those qualitys so you may need to take a step back. Look at your life and your woman and thank god you have something so good.
2007-01-06 01:58:03 · answer #7 · answered by ~~smokee~~ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you've been through 4 years together - don't give up now! it just takes a little bit of work, be more experimental in the bedroom, get to know each other again like reasons why you first got together. although first, take a step back and see how you feel - are you still in love with her? are you with her for the right reasons? don't just stay with her because you don't want to be alone because eventually, someone will end up getting hurt. good luck :) don't give up! xx
2007-01-06 02:32:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
start suggesting to her that the two of you do things together that will spark a mutual mental interest and maybe after 4 years of being with someone, things may get routine in the bedroom... see if she is open to suggestions to try and spice things up. if you say she is as great as you say she is, then don't let this one go.... these kind of women are not a dime a dozen and you are lucky to have her... relationships are hard work and after 4 years, they sometimes just need a little more work to spice things up. good luck.
2007-01-06 02:01:05 · answer #9 · answered by Mystery 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have has security and love, but the familiar women described above is what you attract normally because that's what you believe you deserve or it is a challenge.
I go through fazes of wanting the bad boy again but i know with experience it's a road of self destruction. Try therapy to sort it out and it may spice up your attraction towards her.
Good luck
2007-01-06 02:07:28 · answer #10 · answered by sammyantha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋