how can i fight with my insecurities?

Question

when i got married i started to having insecurities i'm so jealous and feel insecure with all the ladies thats really close to my husband which i never felt before! my husband wasn't treating me as his partner in life for him im just a companion he's been cold to me in so many ways the way he talked the way he moved and the way he touched. im trying to save this marriage and im doing everything to work things out but he never changeｄ. i dont want to lose my patience we have child and i guess she's the only reasons left for us to stays together.

Answer 1

Start snorting Meth...

Answer 2

You have to remember to not take his actions personally. Many times when those we care about are treating us as if they do not care about us it is because of their own insecurity or other issues. Ask him what is wrong. Ask him what has changed. Ask him if he is still attracted to you? My grandpa told me when I was just a young man that "many men will do what ever it takes to get the girl but very few men know how to keep her once he has her. The day a man stops treating his wife as the most special women in the world is the day another man will start" He was married for 66 years.
Do not assume you know the answer to either of these questions. As far as your insecurities go you need to get to the root of the problem. Is it because you do not feel attractive, do you not like the way you look, are you maybe not happy with your career. Talk to him. If he is unwilling to do so try again. If that does not work then seek outside help from a professional. I wish you the best of luck

Answer 3

The children are feeling when something is going wrong with their parents,for the child sake you have to talk openly with your husband because a real marriage it's about sharing all your life with your partner,mostly your most intimate feelings,if he can't do that you aren't a real wife for him,you can try going together to a marriage counselor,later if your children shall get notice his father doesn't respect you,your child will not respect and love either and you'll loose him too.Ask him openly why he don't consider you worthy to be a real partner in his life,maybe he has a communication problem that together you'll can fix it.

Answer 4

You probably started being insecure when he started treating you that way. Do not stay in a marriage for a child. The child will know and turn out worse than if you guys go your separate ways and remain civil to one another.

You shouldnt put up with any behavior that you would find unacceptable for your daughter. Would you encourage her to stick with a relationship that she was not being treated as she should.

Answer 5

It's not easy to manage emotions like jealousy, especially if your partner is not treating you as a partner in life.

While I don't believe that it's inappropriate for a husband to maintain friendships with women he has known prior to the marriage (and if he was smart, he would have introduced you to those ladies BEFORE the question came up), what you've described is more intimate than that. In light of your feelings of being 'coldly' treated, it is easy to see why you have insecurities.

To be a good parent, it's said you have to take care of yourself, first. I believe this is also true in most long-term relationships: If your feelings are being trampled by this man (and you seem to have known this is true of him from BEFORE you were married), it's up to you to take steps to defend your self-esteem.

Yelling, accusing, and tearful recriminations will probably not be as successful as making a direct statement that you want him to attend counseling or have marriage therapy. If he's not open to that, or talking about his behavior with anyone in a serious, open way, don't waste your time expecting him to change. People change when THEY WANT TO. Not because they are supposed to be 'good parents' or 'good spouses', unfortunately.

Make a plan to handle moving out of this person's life before you take drastic steps (like filing for a separation or divorce). Know how you will handle things like the bills, going places, getting child-care, etc...the more you equip yourself with options, the better able you are to make decisions that allow you to be free of insecurities.

One way I handle insecurities is by giving myself a little checklist:
1) Is this my problem or someone else's?
2) Am I doing what is available and reasonable for me to do?
3) Can I control what is happening, or does someone else have to do that? If I let them do that, am I giving up control to them on something that is mine?

Good luck!

Answer 6

You trying isn't gonna cut it ....you tried but not effectively...sit down with him and ask him what he wants out of life and out of the relationship..ask him to think of ways you could change or things he doesn't like about you ...Do the same for him...be honest and don't cop to the fact that nothins gonna change ...get creative and make it work ...if he's too opinionated and doesn't listen to your ideas...make a way to let him know in a non threatening way he's being a jerk.. like saying " ok thats a thought but lets think some more on that" he'll hear Your being an *** without yousaying it....then change itso you're not repeating the same old stupid line .....love takes creativity...you're trying just find ways to let him know that you really want to see him be a great guy,someonethat all your girlfriends would be jeleous of .....challenge him in a positive way .....you're not doing everything....thats adumb statementand you're gonna resent him for your foolishness....Wake up and wake up the great guy you got....

Answer 7

Don't blame it on the child for the only reason why you're staying. You need to give it to GOD and pray on it. You should sit your husband down and tell him that you are feeling distant and neglected and don't want to feel that way anymore. Explain to him your love for him and the family and see where it goes. If he continues to be cold then start distancing yourself and prepare for your move.

Answer 8

well, be more confident and pay more attention to him as you do to your child. married moms tend to neglect their husbands as they focus their attention on the kid. give the two of you some "special" time together -- send your child to a weekend stay at the grandparents' and make him a special breakfast in bed or book a hotel for the two of you and indulge yourselves. this might reignite the flame and he'll realise that he don't need to look outside his marriage for satisfaction and attention. hope this helps.. and all the best :)

Answer 9

you're going to have to become confident within your self to overcome your own insecurities...but that issue is beyond what your husband is doing in finding relationships outside your marriage...some strong counseling and forthright discussion is needed on both sides of this marriage if it is to work out....it's going to take some effort to stay away from the "straying" relationships but in the end, it won't work if both of you don't try

Answer 10

You cannot fight these insecurities, they will always be there. Talk to him and decide what you both want. Be glad you only have one child and do what is best for the child.

Answer 11

So many things wrong with what you wrote, you can't love someone else if you can't love yourself. If you can't trust your partner you are in real trouble. Staying with someone because of a kid has hurt many a kid. Get some help now for you kids sake, for your partners sake, and for your own sake.