My husband and I have been married for 13 years. Until about 5 years ago, he was romantic, I love him with all my heart. But its like the last 5 years his idea of romance has completely changed. Now all I get in means of a kiss is a peck on the cheek or mouth before he leaves for work. I have asked him to be more romantic, even gave ideas, such as giving more hugs, kisses once in a while, and just showing me he loves me ya know. His reply was, "That is not me." He says he loves me with all his heart too, so what is the deal? Yea we have had problems like everyone else, but the non romance has got to go. Please give some ideas..........
2007-01-06 00:33:15 · 19 answers · asked by Kelly M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I love him very much and I have told him when he starts wanting sex that we should be romantic and let it lead up to that, and he just complains or says whatever and then he says he is out of the mood.
2007-01-06 00:51:59 · update #1
Ok I have done the romance thing myself, I always give him hugs, I buy him those little roses that have a heart on them that say stuff sweet. Tell him I love him, send him sweet text messages stuff like that, but doesn't help.
2007-01-06 01:01:30 · update #2
Join the club...Try sparking up your relationship yourself...
2007-01-06 00:35:41 · answer #1 · answered by Juliette 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Okay I don't recommend this to everyone but you may need to get him into counseling or you may end up falling out of love yourself. Why is it married couples become so complacent about there spouses needs? Marriage is hard work and it is not a given to have romance or to stay in love (you have to work at it), buying flowers or spending time together such as going out to eat or a walk in the park. I've never felt that a spouse should ever hold sex over the others head as a piece of meat. You need to give it up freely or nothing will ever change (ie you aren't going to kiss me I'm not going to have sex with you, that's bull) why don't you try killing him with kindness first. Good luck!
2007-01-06 01:16:53 · answer #2 · answered by beamer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly, I have the same problem. I've been married for 7 years and the first 2 were wonderful. It seems like my husband just wants the "room mate" life. He complains that I'm rarely in the mood for sex while I tell him I need some enticement, some romance first. He knows this, but still lacks. I think some men are just not capable of being romantic not knowing that women need it just as a man needs sex. Sorry I couldn't offer any advice- I'm in the same boat as you!
2007-01-06 00:41:12 · answer #3 · answered by Teddy Bear 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The romance is nice, but if you have to ask for sex, get out now while you are young! My ex was just waiting till our son turned 21 to leave. He had been hiding his true self for years. He was fantasizing about my girlfriends and taking care of his self in the basement. This is what I found out after we filed for divorce. Most men do want to have sex, but if they've been demeaned or
made fun of they won't be interested. Also, some lose desire for you after you have their children. It's what I call the "mommy factor." They married a lover, but ended up with a mother who just tells them what to do. I guess single women without kids just appeal to the husbands more. Some others just want what
they can't have or don't have, always! I'm sorry to say if he's not doing it with you, he's getting it elsewhere, or there is a real or
medical problem.
2007-01-06 01:26:55 · answer #4 · answered by jananita 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello, I feel very sad for you and I know what you are going through. I went through something very similar with my ex. He was so unromantic and thought only of himself all the time. When we made love it was just sex for him and then he just rolled over and went to sleep and snored! I felt so used! The most romantic thing he ever did was buy me a bag of licorice bullets for St Valentines day so he could eat them all himself!
Now I have found a romantic man and will be marrying him in 2 months. So my advice to you is to hang in there, if it is meant to work out that will happen, but don't be afraid if it does come to an end because you will eventually find a romantic man and be happy again like me.
2007-01-06 00:43:35 · answer #5 · answered by saau2003 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From a mans point of view romance seems silly if he was romantic for that long feel blessed and get over it .... he loves you and would do anything in the world to keep you but honestly is this really an issue for you??
MAYBE IT'S TIME TO TALK ABOUT HOW YOU REALLY FEEL ABOUT EACH OTHER... Gifts are nice but is that how you judge love ....ASKING him to be romantic before sex is basically using sex as a weapon or a tool to get what you want ...hell ask for cash or jewelry....I'm a guy and i have a problem with this and i bet he does too...
2007-01-06 01:57:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Interesting question! I think after being married a while the flowers, candy and sunset walks on the beach situation changes. The relationship reaches a different level. Take a good look at your relationship and i think you will find he does do things that make you feel loved. Make a list of these things and give it to him. Tell him you think you have a wonderful relationship. Start kissing him more, write him little notes telling him you love him, stick them in his car on the dashboard, make his favorite dinner, buy a new teddy and show it off. Basically...model the behavior you want to see from him.
2007-01-06 00:54:49 · answer #7 · answered by denise b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to have a serious talk with him about how he feels about you. I was in this same situation before with my previous marriage except the rolls were reversed. I was no longer interested in him. There were many things that contributed to this. Another thing you might want to do is show him some attention and maybe he'll respond with more attention to you. You deserve to have the attention you need and if he's not interested in giving it to you, moving on would be best. I know how it feels to have many years invested in a relationship only to have it end but I'm so glad it did end. That's when I started living for the first time in my life.
Best of luck to you!
2007-01-06 01:50:36 · answer #8 · answered by Georgia Girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's bored and lazy! My husband has never really been romantic and I regret it all the time! We've been married 6 years and dated for 2 and never once has he sent me flowers. This is the first year @ Christmas that he actually bought me jewelry! I tell him he's not romantic also..then I feel like "if I have to tell him, why bother?" So, I suggested sending cards, emails anything! *he works away from home*. For my bday... I had to make the dinner reservation! Of couse, he said.."lets go anywhere you want to go"...but, didn't have to do anything but show up! I feel for you...at least your husband was romantic at one time or another...Good Luck.
2007-01-06 00:38:01 · answer #9 · answered by Hear2Help 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
usually my wife just tells me. she doenst expect me to be romantic all the time, she tells me when she wants me to be, and i listen and will be romantic. being romantic isnt in a guys nature, even when we try its not very good, and the only reason we do it is because we want what you have. just tell him to be more romantic, tell him the more often he is, the more often he gets what he wants, that usually works. she would be more in tune with what his wife needs and wants though, which me might need to work on. sometimes my wife doesnt have to say anything, i can just tell she wants me to be romantic and i will be. tell him to watch a few chick flicks to learn how to be more romantic and make sure he switches it up a little bit so you dont get bored.
2016-03-28 22:41:21 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to spice things up a bit, do something totally not like you
Got a stripers pole in the house, Dress up really sexy some night and get him to go out to your favorite pub, where you can pretend that each of you is there by yourself and flirt back and forth, sounds corny but it may be fun,
Look back to the past and see what changed we all get to confortable at times .
keep things exiting
2007-01-06 00:44:46 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋