do I have the right to be jealous, or should I get over it?

Question

3 months ago I asked my fiancee for time apart. things were moving fast, marriage was coming, and I thought I needed to think alone. She was very upset, but I insisted and didnt see her for a month. I realized how much I loved and I asked her to take me back. At first she was still angry at me and she was dating someone else. She kept dating him for about 1 week. She eventually forgave me and we are engaged again. Recently I found out that she had sex with the other guy the night before she took me back. She says she wanted to experience him, but that she wanted to teach me a lesson and test my love. She also said wanted the guy was very sweet and she wanted to thank him. She told him she would go back to me, so the last night she admits they did it almost all night, three times. We have talked a lot, about how she was hurt, and I have expressed its ok to tell how she enjoyed the sex. we are back in love and my heart knows that, but I cannot stop my head from being jealous. advice

Answer 1

If I were you, I'd look at it this way: When you asked for time apart she took it as you breaking up with her. She had no guarantee that you were going to come back, so she felt dumped and devastated, and proceeded to act if that were the case. When people are dumped they can often have quick and immediate rebound affairs that only happen because they are in a fit of anger/grief/jealousy. In the big picture this probably means about as much to her as a guy getting off on looking at porn while his wife sleeps....In other words, it means nothing, and you have no real reason to feel jealous about it.

Even though she slept with this guy knowing that you were taking her back she only did it because still wanted to get her last licks in on you to make you pay for the hurt you'd caused her. I'd say that's a perfectly understandable reaction in the situation, considering the depth of her hurt at the time. If she continues to rub it in that she had sex with this guy I'd say she's being too vindictive, but if it passes and no mention of it is ever made again I think she's probably moved on from it and so should you. I can understand your jealousy somewhat, but that's the price you have to pay for having inasmuch dumped her. If she was never the kind of woman to cheat or think about other men before you did this to her I'd say you have no reason to worry and that it will likely pass and never happen again.....Unless you make her feel dumped again, in which case, you have to expect this kind of behavior. Best of luck!

Answer 2

What is it with you? You seem like half the nuts out there today? You ask her to marry you, but act as if you need time to adjust to what is happening. Sounds dumb to me. Then you ask her to take a break. Dumber. Then you think that she should just hold onto a phone pole and sway in the wind or something and wait for you to figure out what you want to do or when. Dumber yet.

Look, if you dont know what you want, dont involve someone else in your life. You have no right to put them on hold, then off again, then maybe back on, all while you figure it out. The time to figure some stuff out is AHEAD OF TIME. I mean, if you ask someone to marry you, you should have had a good idea what you were doing and what it meant, before you asked.

Now, I can understand why you would be mad that she did another guy, but dude, face some facts here, you are at least 50% responsible for this nonsense. Now, the flip of this is that you should also see just how she will be and what she might do each and everytime she is upset or mad or so forth with you. She just might teach you to death. She sounds like a women in search of an excuse to screw around. Trust me, neither of you is likely to change how you are, and certainly not quickly.

BOTH OF YOU GROW UP FOR GOD SAKE, will you? I think you both really need to consider not getting married to one another, at least not until each of you does grow up and develops some real sense, character and morals. Life nor marriage is a game and it cannot be handled as one. And please, do not even think of having kids for many years if you all do marry.

Lastly, you both need to think of this. The heart and brain are to be used in unison. They both tell us things, but using only one as a guide is always a bad thing to do and a sure sign that you are headed for trouble.

Answer 3

YOU ask for time alone. She gave it to you. YOU said it was BEFORE she took you back that she had sex with someone else, NOT after... what she done before you were back together is none of your business and i have no idea why she told you... HER mistake... you either live with it or you break it off with her again... but make that decision BEFORE you allow her to become your wife... NEITHER of you need that after marriage... personally from your question i think there is an issue of trust now... you need to do some real hard thinking on this... Make sure this is what you want.... Good Luck and God bless the both of you...

Answer 4

I think this marriage is doomed before it is started. Marriage is not about teaching the other a lesson it is about compromise. What does it say about her that she was ready to marry you and then go off and date another guy so soon? These are the questions that you should be asking yourself before going through with a marriage. It speaks volumes when you need to take a "break" from the relationship as well, if you truly wanted to be with this girl you would not have had any questions. Good luck

Answer 5

You were on a break and while you were on a break your gf hooked up with another dude. You have no right to be jealous the two of you were seperate and there was no spoken or unspoken non sex commitment with someone else. Get over it you had a month to have sex with other people too. She obviously felt guilty although she didnt have to she told you what she did. She is an honest woman and you either need to make her a commited promise of marriage or give her up so she can find someone else. No you have no right to be jealous get over it

Answer 6

Not sure about jealous since you asked for time apart but you were set to be engaged and she went out only after a month and was already in another relationship with someone else. She wanted to teach you a lesson?? By sleeping with someone to THANK them. Thank them for what??
Forget being jealous - think you need to rethink your fiance and ask yourself seriously if she is the one that will be by your side thick or thin good and bad times. Doesn't sound like it.

Answer 7

My answer is short and sweet. If you marry this gal you will end up in divorce court before it's over with. Her "reasons" for having sex with him don't hold water. You don't test someone's love by having sex with another individual - or to thank them. You best remember how long it took her to replace you....if she loved you as much as she is trying to make off like she does.....she never would have become involved with another guy that quick....nor would she have had sex with anyone else knowing you two were getting back together. You have a future cheater on your hands. Beware.

Answer 8

This one is hard me as a girl if I love someone I wouldn't gone to bed with another guy for one and two you need to have trust in her I wouldn't trust her much since she hurt you once before. I will forgive but not forget. Something like this is not easy and no one should be persure in getting married. Enjoy each other first before you set the dated. As for being jealous you need to stop get over it you have her and no one else ok. You need to talk with her before you take that next step with her.

Answer 9

I'm so sorry but I don't think that teaching someone a lesson on love is up to my current or X g/f. She want to thank him because he was very sweet, I don't think so to be honest dude I would let her know how you feel. Its not right that you keep it all inside if she truly loved you with out a doubt she would have forgiven you right off the back. You have to forgive the person you love, not teach them a lesson and sleep with someone because you want to thank them for being sweet!!!

Answer 10

again sorrry just reading thru some of the answers and to my understanding is not like you guys were no longer together for good you had asked for some time and that is normal after all you guys were about to take the relationship to the next level...she should have been smart enough and take that time to reflect on what she really wanted to do herself not go sleeping w/ someone else cuz they were sweet non the less cuz she wanted to thank him