my husband is acting weird?

Question

I love my husband and I know he loves me, but here lately his old friends that I have never met before in all the years we have been together just start showing up and my husband is changing. He acts immature like his friends and all of a sudden he would rather hang out with them ALL day and he has even started lying to me. I am not saying he can't have friends but these friends are going to get him ending up in jail and we have never had these kinds of problems before and I know he loves me and I don't think he is cheating but he acts like he has just pushed to me to the side and has a wild hair up his butt. I have tried talking to him but he has this attitude right now like he doesn't care what I say or think or feel. I love him very much but he doesn't act like his self and he gets real mad when I tell him his friend id a bad influence and that this immature crap is stressing out our relationship. How do I handle this without losing my husband. He is 26 and needs to realize.

Answer 1

Let him know in no uncertain terms that if he continues this behavior, you will leave. Tell him that there is no compromise on this issue. Either he drops his buddy and choses you, or you are gone. You do not have to put up with this behavior.

Answer 2

I went through this myself and by that I mean this. I was the one who was acting weird as you say. I was married young and lost contact with my "childhood" friends. When we met up again I tried to be that young kid again and do all the things we did then. It was a bad decision and even worse idea. One can never go back to the past and live life again. It wasn't till my husband left me that I realized what I had done and had been doing to him. We are back together and have been married now for 15 years. It's the tough love thing. It doesn't just work for kids. It works on adults too. Good Luck and I hope things work out for ya.

Answer 3

2 words: Brokeback Mountain :)
But for real, I think he is having a panic attac. Men often have it, when they are in a relationship, and they realise, O gosh, I love this girl, but if I stay with her, I will no longer be free, I will have to have a family, kids, wont have time for my buddies..which is not neccesserily true..but thats how they feel..Plus it also doesnt help them, if his buddies are single, or are the same shoe.
I think he is just scared a little of growing up. But hey, its hard for everyone to accept that we cant turn time back..
I would reassure him, that just because you guys are married, he still can get a boys night out, and can hang out with his buddies..but there are times when he needs to be with you,
I wouldnt force the: 'Choose..me or them' line..that might scare him away.Patience, and let the leash a little looser.

Answer 4

This is affecting the relationship. You have not told since when this is happening. If you are aware of the fact that his old freinds willeave him in a short period of time then suggesting you for leaving him will be suicidal. In case it is an on going affair just say him thatyou are leaving and stay for some time away from him. He will definetly respond and then firmly advise him of leaving his friends.

Answer 5

These guys are bad news. They may have introduced your man to drugs, or something else. Don't assume he's not cheating. If his newfound friends are hanging out with curious women, he's hanging out with them too.

Until he wakes up, nothing you say will stop your husband from being with these bums. If you've warned him about it and he won't listen, you only have two choices: either leave him, or wait it out. Hopefully, he'll come back to his senses. If not, you'll have to find the strength to move on.

Answer 6

I think.... People change. We all do. Marriage was never meant to be. It was a concept made up by Religionist to keep and control their women. Once you accept what religion has done to this world, you can see people for who they really are. And that is a good thing. Bottom line is two people can not live enjoyably together for years, human nature is to be free without restriction. That, I believe, is why relationships do not work for the majority of people. You have even heard of how Marriage is "work". Why is it "work". Why should we have to work to enjoy our life? I'm sure you and your husband are good people. Tell him that you are quite simply worried about him and his choices, and then do what you have to do for yourself.

Answer 7

How long have you been married? It sounds like a midlife crisis. I know a few people who after getting married young, want to go out and recapture the fun single life they miseed out on. Why not go with them and get to know his friends? If you are easy going and let him have fun than it should not be a problem, just don;t spoil his fun. Often times, people will have affairs to see what they are missing out on.

Answer 8

I have walked a mile in your shoes.....and then some. This has happened 4 times in my marriage. Its not drugs...at least from your description. Its the single friends. Deep down he loves you, but the friends are influencing his actions...they trash talk about him being married.....If he even remotely acts like he cares about what you would think, they make fun of him for it....so he goes along because he wants some friends beside , well you. Its kind of like he is distancing himself to assert his independence again....not like he truly wants to be single, but he forgot what it was like to be a man, and not a husband. Kind of like how a woman gets so caught up in being a wife and mother that she forgets that she is a woman too....

Ignore him...stop nagging him.....go out and do stuff for you, like go out with your friends till all hours without calling him....the more you nag him the more he will use that as an excuse to go out with them ( im sure hes already used the " Youre just stuck up my ***" ,or "We're attached at the hip" or" When did you become my mother?" lines, like you have no life without him)......when he realizes you are going out and having fun without him....he will start thinking....he will start to miss you, and gravitate more toward you....or.....

You can use the more direct approach like i did this time. After 2 months of the same BS ( I did accuse him of cheating...we fought, he left for 2 days, said he almost cheated on me to prove a point.....ill admit I was being a total ***** to him for a couple months before this happened....we got back on track...then our 8 year old said she hated him...that threw him into a deep depression, since she is daddys little girl.....then lies, going out 6 nights a week, refusing any and all hugs, kisses, and being affectionate at all for 3 weeks......lied one last time and i snapped...... sorry I kind of hijacked your question with my drama....just trying to tell you that you arent the only one that has had to deal with this. ) I put his **** in trash bags on the front porch ... he came back the next day, I told him I couldnt let him back in until he could tell me that he woulld straighten out( no lying about where you are or who you're with...no going out 6 nights a week) And he did! He goes out to play poker 2 nights a week. He gets home at a reasonable hour and never lies about where he is. If he truly loves you he will straithten up. I dont mean try to tell him that he cant go out at all, or has to be in when you tell him to...that will put him back into the same situation again....

Good luck....if you need any more advice just email [e-mail]

Answer 9

You've voiced your opinion and suggestions which he chose to ignore. Sometimes people have to learn things the hard way. If he keeps this up, he's got alot to learn the hard way. And he will find out just how "wonderful" his friends really are if he keeps acting like them and gets himself in trouble.

Answer 10

Just tell him how you feel again! If he loves you than he will understand and try to change the situation! But, if he does not want to change than maybe you may need to reevaluate your marriage! He needs to realize that he will eventually lose you if he does not calm down! You can't change him...he has to do it! Sooo, if he will not listen than you need to do what makes you happy!!! Marriage is a compromise!!!!