Turns out he has an 8 yr old son with the other woman. He says he can't live with the lies any longer. Our kids are 13 and 16. I am devastated. He says he loves her and me and didn't want to hurt me. I really need help to deal with this. What should I do?
2007-01-05 19:32:15 · 15 answers · asked by jen H 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
hi there im so sorry that you are right in the middle of this mess and you are devestated im fully aware of this .....ive been where you are at the moment and suprizingly you will come through this and move on but this is the hard bit and the shock .......look you have to be really honest with youre self ....i knew there was something going on when it happened to me when i stopped and thought about it ......this will help you .....even if you never admit it to any one else there must have some thing that made you think mmmmmmm......there is something not right here ...then as family life moves on we get caught up in things and move it to the back of our minds .........there is no point of holding on to something if he is adamint that he wants out .......you can get some dignity back here as you will feel as if you have been made a complete fool ......these feelings will turn up if they have not already there these are all natural feelings and they need to be used to get you through this .....if you need to cry then cry explain to youre kids look im having a upset moment i will be fine can you put the kettle on for me ......let them see that it is alright to cry......and show youre feelings ......but the one i would watch for with the kids id the hate feeling ....try and get that one not to raise its head you do not want that feeling loose that will do a lot of damage .....explain to them that its fine to feel angry and up set but not hate .......you will all get through this with time and you will move on and live youre life the way you want to ......never forget that this is youre life and if you want to change things then you can ..........take care of each other and i hope things get easier for you xx
2007-01-05 19:59:24 · answer #1 · answered by a parent hows been there !! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ascertain that he really truly wants a divorce in order to be with her. It may well be his guilt speaking, thinking it is the honorable thing to do, to offer you a clean break. Lying for ten years and having a second family is a pretty big breach of trust, but it is that thrill that often maintains an affair - once everyone knows about it the thrill dies and often the relationship too. So you could still find him coming back to you. But if he did, is he worth it? Go for counselling with or without him.
2007-01-05 19:54:01 · answer #2 · answered by dkska; 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once a cheater always a cheater. Believe me. Lie once lie twice.
He is not worth it. Really he isn't. You will be much happier without him. Lots of help for single parents and women. Don't be afraid of independence. Embrace it and live your life to the fullest!!! If you decide to stick with it. Get therapy, it will take you a very long time to trust him, that is if you can ever forgive him. You may never trust him or forgive him. Therapy may never work either. Next time he is late coming home or gives you a reason why is will be gone for awhile, look out, your insides will wonder always if he is telling the truth.
2007-01-05 20:22:30 · answer #3 · answered by goldielocks 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let theliar go if he held it in this long what else is he hiding? get your divorce and get everything and name this other woman as the reason for the divorce . embarass them both in court so everybody in her neighborhood will know what a skank she is !! I hate homewreckers and your husband and this woman are homewreckers. And her child is 7 what is the rush on this he has known about this for a long time . Oh yes I would make him wish he was never born I would make his life a living hell . Not one of them would have a peacefull nights sleep. He loves both of you ? not possible since you cannot have your cake and eat it too. kick his butt to the curb and like i say i would let everyone know who this woman is and believe me if her neighborhood is anything like mine she will be getting dirty looks for a long time to come. good luck honey and i will be praying for you.
2007-01-06 00:34:37 · answer #4 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well unfortunately you have to deal with it. Like jumping in a pond of alligators. No matter if you close your eyes, you still gonna get bit. Just tell him goodbye, divorce, and get the alimony. Some men like him just want to have everything and no responsibility to speak of.
2007-01-05 19:53:03 · answer #5 · answered by Big C 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He does not care if he hurts you,he already has. Since he wants to divorce you and go to her let him go. You can do better then this. Look out for yourself. See a lawyer and make him take care of you and your two children.
2007-01-05 20:11:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the key words are i dont want to hurt you as if you are in the way? and he made sure he said i love her as while i think it time to let him have his booty call you dont desever this you are better then this because trust is a hard thing to get back in a married and he broke the married vow and let his family down good luck
2007-01-05 19:49:06 · answer #7 · answered by nightman122554 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him go. He says that he didn't want to hurt your feelings.......yet he has lied and cheated. With friends (or spouses) like that, who needs enemies?
2007-01-05 19:36:52 · answer #8 · answered by mojonah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Councelling! If not marriage councelling then go by yourself. This is overwhelming and hard to deal with on your own.
2007-01-06 00:18:48 · answer #9 · answered by denise b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should get a divorce with him cause he has been lieing to you for about 10 years...plus its ok cause your kids are old enough.
2007-01-05 19:48:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋