My fiance and I have been engaged for about 7 months. We've known each other for 3 yrs. And because I believed him to be my true love we had sex and I got pregnant. We have a baby girl, now two months old. I had wanted to be married before our baby was born, but he was not ready. I think it was because of financial reasons. When I bring up wedding plans he seems to not really want to talk about it. We had plans to marry this Summer, but I don't want to rush him if he is not ready. Though I don't feel I should give myself to him anymore until I'm sure he is truly committed and that is in marriage. Is this fair to him? Or do you think that it would be likely he would cheat if he had to go without it for 6 months? Thanks in advance for any feedback.
2007-01-05 19:22:22 · 22 answers · asked by Only_1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
In regards to Olesya C's response, of course I would want my daughter to be raised in a committed, loving family. But I can not and will not force it. When it comes down to it, the two parents have to truly want to be with one another and willing to make the lifelong committment in order to have a successful marriage. If it was about the children alone, 50% of marriages wouldn't end up in divorce.
2007-01-05 21:03:20 · update #1
Nanny, I am not wrong about the statistic of divorce- go look it up yourself. I am being realistic and I do put my daughter first- I don't want her to go through anything that was unnecessary. A marriage that was forced WILL only end up in divorce and I don't want her to go through that. Are you telling all the single mothers out there to go find their baby's fathers and make them marry them, I hope not- that is entirely superficial thinking. I know what is best for my daughter, thus I have no questions concerning her on this forum.
2007-01-06 11:15:54 · update #2
I think this is between you and him BUT you have every right to tell him why you don't have to have sex until you are married! I think there is absolutely wrong with that! I think it is also fair to him if you told him, or if you could find a compromise if possible. And why would you worry about him cheating? If he truly loved you and if you trusted him you wouldn't have to worry. If he loved you, he can wait, plus there are many other things in your relationship that you two are focusing on. Good luck to you and your situation!
2007-01-05 19:26:27 · answer #1 · answered by purringout 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Now that you have already had sex he may get the idea that you are cheating and have more doubts about your relationship . I think you really need to sit down and have some good serious conversation about your future and now is as good a time as any right? I think if he's waiting for every little thing to be perfect and hunky dory before marriage then it's not going to happen. I think with holding sex should only be used if he doesn't come to a concrete conclusion after a serious heart to heart talk about this , then sure do it . He has a responsibility to this child also though that isn't the point I'm speaking of it's certainly part of the picture , it seems he's become too comfortable with things as they are and you have every right to want more and have a committed family relationship . Talk it over and let him know this uncertainty is hampering your bright outlook for the two of you and marriage would make you both feel more secure and best for the child. Good luck to you , hope all goes well for you !
2016-05-22 22:18:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it will be very good because you 'll discover him and so will he .Love making is a wonderful thing , I think that he'llnever cheat on you if he's going to have you as a wife , except if the mariage is a long way to happen .Maybe in that case he's feel lonely and probably will do wothing something wrong .
tha advice I give you is change the place where you used to be intimate choose a nice hotel or go on a trip , you'll feel as if it's the first time .
I had this experience believe me ,my partner and I haven't been togeter for 8 weeks because of work reasons but we we met again it's fire
2007-01-05 20:06:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anais 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is going to "force him to cheat" then he would do so after you married anyway. If he is not willing to commit to you and your baby then he is probably not worth having. Begin a BIBLE study with a nearby group of Non-denominational Christians. Make sure that he is included in this. This will be good for both of you! My wife and I are very faithful to one another and to GOD! He has been a part of our lives for over 20 years and we have been married over 30 years. Sge is the greatest thing that I have ever met. I hope that you are this fortunate in a mate. GOD has really blessed us. Have a great weekend.
Eds
2007-01-05 20:32:59 · answer #4 · answered by Eds 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The real issue here is not about being "fair" or "unfair" to him. It is about whether it will be fair for your child to be raised in a family, or not. Forget all these "giving myself", "cheating on me" cheap moves. This is not about two of you anymore. This is about your child needing a family that is based on love and commitment.
Go to your fiance and tell him as direct as it is : " I want our daughter to be raised in a family knowing that her mom and dad are married and committed to each other. What are you going to do about that?" And see what he says. If he is going to have a problem with that, file for a child support. You are going to need it.
2007-01-05 20:45:59 · answer #5 · answered by OC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, but you had better get married as soon as possible. In your additional comments, you are totally wrong. You have to give up a lot, stop being selfish, and do your best to provide a proper family for your little girl. Time to be mature and do the right thing.
2007-01-05 23:42:44 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
since you have known him for 3yrs and now got a baby together i think that you guys have already made a commitment, when the time is right for both of you to marry is the best time to marry but i really do think that you shouldnt give up sex until you are married, cause you already have been there, and you gave it up to him before you got married why stop now, you love him, he loves you just relax and go with the flow dont force it on him, i do understand what you are saying but really it is up to u.
2007-01-05 19:31:32 · answer #7 · answered by Bex 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you cut him off and gets mad, then he probably wants a relationship with the free sex and no responsibility of marriage. But it is only a piece of paper that guys seem to dread. But the piece of paper is good for income tax, cheaper car rates, and getting a drivers license in another name. If he does not or hesistates then he is not ready and just wants the free love.
2007-01-05 19:27:20 · answer #8 · answered by Big C 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That would be emotional and physical blackmail.
And very wrong.
Do you really want a proposal based on his need for sex with you?
If you are tired of giving out the free milk, then let him know how you feel about it.
There is nothing wrong with having higher goals for yourself.
It's just that you are kind of late with your decision.
Talk to him and let him know how you feel.
If you had a baby with him, you should be able to communicate with him as well.
2007-01-05 19:31:23 · answer #9 · answered by negrito con sabor 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He'll think you found someone else, he will possibly cheat. Maybe sit down and talk. Tell him you don't feel like being intimate because you feel he isn't truly committed.
2007-01-05 19:42:18 · answer #10 · answered by ~*Isabel*~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋